Haynes Signs With Tiger

Funny story written by Richard DagNabbit

Thursday, 3 December 2009

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If you have to have it, at least keep it quiet like a rabbit

While Tiger Woods' sponsors have been good sports of late in stating that they are "standing by their man", whispers have been circulating however that they may in fact be contemplating suing him for tarnishing their produced perceptions. There is just something about too many snap hooks into the Las Vegas bush that make profit snorting Big Businesses queezy.

However, it appears Tiger is actually gaining interest from other A-line manufacturers such as Haynes, which is now cranking up a line of Tiger Woods boxer shorts made with odor eater fabric. Options will include very special XXX monogramming - in time for X-Mas shopping. The possibilities are enormous. Wives and girlfriends who know their man's idol is Tiger Woods can order up online for X-Mas and have those snap hooking shorts ready for new year business travels.

The spread of new marketing opportunities could surpass his pre-TKO days with Elen, and make Tiger a richer playboy than ever. Goldman Sachs has even put their venture capital analysts on double red alert for ground floor opportunities. Everything from disposable cell phones to encrypted text messaging to low jacks that send phony location data will now be mass marketed with a celebrity name, and there are enormous monies to be made with these products.

The need is obvious. Sporty dudes everywhere are running for cover and Tiger brand anti-surveillance gear just may be the answer. Will it be Tiger to the rescue just as the wife's prying eyes are way too near? Wall Street is banking on it.

Look for the upcoming Tiger brand of stealth gear at a Tiger Trick or Las Vegas Lair of the Tiger store near you.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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