Hull City Totally Outclass Beijing Guoan

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 29 July 2009


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Chinese fans leave the game early

There was much cause for celebration amongst the hordes of travelling Hull City fans tonight when, playing in the Barclays Premier League Asian Trophy, the Tigers trounced the Chinese side, Beijing Guoan, 1-1 in the Workers Stadium.

City took the lead after 9 minutes through another wonderstrike from Geovanni, and after that, never looked back - or forwards - or sideways, because they buried their heads in the sand and clung on desperately for a 1-0 win.

When Beijing equalised at the start of the second half, it was all-hands-to-the-pumps for Phil Brown's men, as they fought desperately to stem the tide of wave-after-wave of attacks from the little green men of Guoan.

One thorn in City's side was Irishman Dark O'Matic, whose insistence at complaining to the referee about everything totally got on my nerves as I watched from my comfy condo in Bangkok. I was really pleased when the bearded knobjockey was finally substituted midway through the second period.

When the game ended 1-1, it was down to penalties, and City showed their true class as they humiliated the Chinky Boys 5-4. Well, it wasn't so much that they showed their true class, as much as the fact that the Beijing players seemed to think the goal was somewhere in the stands, as they blazed two of their spot-kicks over the bar.

City will now play Tottenham - who similarly trounced West Ham 1-0 - in the final.

One City fan who had made the pointless expensive trip to Beijing, said:

"Arfort it cunt get any werse then last year, but arwuz wrong. Thewuz shite."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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