Newcastle United Fans Rejoice As Dennis Wise Is Kicked Out On His Arse

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

image for Newcastle United Fans Rejoice As Dennis Wise Is Kicked Out On His Arse
From the cobbles, to the capital: out goes Wise

There was jubilation on Tyneside for a second night in succession this evening, when, after Geordie folk hero Alan Shearer was confirmed as the new manager yesterday, the Executive Director of Football, Dennis Wise, was kicked out of his job and told to fuck off back to Plough Lane where he belongs, tonight.

A statement on the club's website read:

"We can confirm Dennis Wise has left his position as Executive Director.

"We would like to take this early opportunity to tell Dennis to fuck off."

Chirpy cheeky cockney chappy Wise, who was brought in to 'help' Kevin Keegan, doesn't actually work at St James Park, but merely shows up at matches sometimes to piss fans off with his cheeky chappy grin and teeth, which were surely ripe for kicking in.

Owner Mike Ashley has, however, responded quickly to the new manager's enquiries as to what, exactly, Wise was doing at the club, and has binned him forthwith.

After clearing his desk of a knuckleduster and a few porn films, Wise took a taxi from the ground tonight, and headed straight back towards London for a sauna, followed by a flashy meal and some cocktails.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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