Arsenal FC representatives tonight blamed the BNP and a pan-continental conspiracy on their ignominious exit from the the Carling Cup at the hands of unfashionable underdogs, Burnley.
'It's been hell up here,' an Arsenal official said. 'It's freezing cold, the locals don't like us, and with a team made up from foreign players, playing in a BNP stronghold, we never really had a chance. Some of our players were so cold when they came off that they had to be cuddled by backroom staff to get the blood flowing again. We weren't beaten by a better team, but by political and geographical conditions.'
'That's a load of old bollocks,' said long standing Burnley supporter Jimmy Bullen. 'The truth of it is that the soft southern bastards thought they'd be able to come up here and take the piss. The BNP and the cold weather had nothing to do with it. They were just beaten by the better team on the night.'
The game, won by Burnley in arctic conditions was described as fair and square by a Burnley official, who added:
'If their team can't stand a bit of icy weather, what are they doing here? It's Britain, not Florida.'
Gunners manager Arsene Wenger said that he hadn't seen large portions of the game and therefore felt unable to comment.
The BNP issued a brief statement to the effect that when the going gets tough the Brit lads get going, and don't whinge about the the cold or the hostile conditions.
A rousing sing along of the Horst Wessel song could be heard emanating from their HQ.
Racial tensions in the north east Lancashire mill town were reported to be unchanged.
'This is what happens when the big boys challenge the dominance of Holland's pies,' added a spokesperson for Holland's Pies, sponsors of Burnley Football Club. 'Ain't nobody can touch Holland's pies.'
Burnley 2 Arsenal 0
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