Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

image for Manchester United Slide Continues In Champions League Shut-out
Official: United in recession

Manchester United continued their poor start to the season at Old Trafford in the Champions League tonight when, amid the confusion over their opponents' name, they failed to convert numerous half-chances into goals, drawing 0-0 with Villarreal.

Villarreal is a strange name, isn't it? Quite why it has two 'r's in the middle of it, is unclear. Experts say that it should only have one 'r', but there you go. Some things are like that.

Back to the match now though. Rio Ferdinand wasted an opportunity, and Nani and Tevez both had efforts saved by goalkeeper Diego Lopez, which is a standard-spelling Spanish name.

Standardly-named German referee, Wolfgang Stark, then denied the home side a stonewall penalty when Ji-Sung Park - couldn't ask for anything more Korean than that - tumbled in the box under a strong challenge, and it was never going to be United's night.

The Reds' best chance came after the introduction of Cristiano Ronaldo, as he set up Jonny Evans - (you know, the er ... er ... well, you know, the Christmas party allegations and, well, it's probably better left at that; nothing was proven after all) - but the youngster missed when he headed against the post.

United now face Chelsea on Sunday needing something out of the game, if their terrible start to the campaign isn't to be called a 'slump' by the world's Press.

Later, Villarreal executives were staying tight-lipped over the extra 'r' in their name.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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