Alex Hinsley has been announced as the replacement for Avram Grant.
Hinsley, aged just 15, is in full-time education in Leicestershire, England, but will be forced to sit his GCSEs early as he takes over the reigns at Stamford Bridge.
Chief advisers to Roman Abramovich have identified the boy as a footballing mastermind, having relayed tactics to former manager Avram Grant during Chelsea's 2-1 win at Fulham in January. With Chelsea a goal down, Grant Googled the word "tactics" and was immediately linked to Hinsley, who had made a name for himself on the football simulator FIFA 08.
Having won the UEFA Champions League three seasons in a row with Bayern Munich and going undefeated in his stint with the German club, Hinsley's record on FIFA shows he has managed to win league titles in Italy, France, England and Germany, whilst managing an average result of 7-0 every game. Roman Abramovich is said to be impressed by the boy's knowledge, and will offer him £100 million to lure Kaka and Robinho to Stamford Bridge.
Hinsley is said to bring in his own backroom staff, with Dan Oughton a likely candidate as assistant. Oughton, aged 15 as well, will also act as fitness coach until a full body of staff are appointed.
Hinsley will earn £4 million a year and a life-time supply of Skittles, and Roman Abramovich will bribe OCR to offer him four A-grade A2 Level examination results at the age of 18 as a bonus if he lands the Champions League in his first season.
Chief Executive Peter Kenyon is said to be delighted by the agreement. 'I believe we have made the right choice. We have attracted all the best names in football but in-keeping with our tradition of looking like complete idiots, we feel we have made the correct choice, despite the fact Hinsley is 19 years junior to the likes of Claude Makelele.'
