New tattoo parlour for Royal Ascot racecourse

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

image for New tattoo parlour for Royal Ascot racecourse
Aristocratic coats of arms will be permitted along with pin numbers

Ascot, Berks - (Ass Mess): Royal Ascot racecourse will open its new flagship tattoo parlour later this year at the start of the prestigious annual mid-June five-day meeting.

And in a bid to overcome ticket touts and entry fraud all racegoers will be automatically etched in royal blue with a pin number that will gain them access to the course's many sideshows including a new automatic champagne trough in the Royal Enclosure.

Racing enthusiasts wishing to use the helipad to park their choppers have also been warned they could be clamped or even towed away.

The move follows scenes of "gross public disorder" last year when a number of foreign so-called oligarchs were suspected of interfering with animals in the stabling compound after one or two bottles of vodka too many.

Frankie Dettori is 69.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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