Statisticians Reveal Definitive Proof: Only 2% Probability of LSU vs. Ohio State

Funny story written by SpaceElevator

Friday, 9 November 2007

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Center for Advanced Trivial Knowledge & Sports Statistics - SEC fan Jimmy-John "Tiger" Balm just can't wait for his beloved purple-&-gold LSU Bayou Bengal Tigers college football team to square off against the top-rated scarlet-&-gray Ohio State Buckeyes during a potential national championship game this upcoming January. Sadly, none of his friends are man enough to inform him that such a matchup has only a two-percent chance of actually taking place.

"The calculations are actually quite rudimentary," said Dr. Irwin Fletcher. "Ohio State has two games remaining. LSU has four games remaining (assuming that it plays for the Southeastern Conference title). Each team must not lose a game in order for them to meet in the national championship game. So, there is only one outcome out of a possible forty-eight in which the two teams will play one another."

"That's friggin' fantastic," replied Ohio State alumnus Cedric 'The Dorkster' Nutella. "But what I want to know is... when is the next keg of beer going to get here?"

No matter the outcome -- many fans from both sides will be able to take comfort in the knowledge that, although their team may be playing for something, they will have placed bets against them winning (in order to soften the blow in the event of a loss).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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