Manchester United Signs Fetus Still in Womb

Written by Heewack

Friday, 3 August 2007

image for Manchester United Signs Fetus Still in Womb
The latest signing is younger than United's usual catchment

MANCHESTER, England (Heewack News Network) -- Manchester United continued its flurry of off-season activity by announcing it had signed Fetus McCLetus, the soon-to-be son of Mary and Kenneth McCletus of Woking.

The young McCletus, who is seven months along inside his mother's womb, is believed to be the youngest person ever signed to a contract by the Red Devils. The previous record-holder, David Beckham, signed a Man U. contract at the age of three weeks, one day.

"We are absolutely thrilled to have young Fetus as part of the Manchester United family," said team manager Sir Alex Ferguson. "We expect he'll be a real cracker by the time he's 16."

Manchester United raced to sign the young McCletus after receiving a letter from Mary McCletus, who reported that her son-to-be was "kicking quite a bit" inside the womb.

"It feels like he's bending it like Beckham and heading it like Paul Scholes," Mary McCletus told HNN. "He's already one-timed my ovaries in the back of the cervix."

Manchester United reportedly beat out several contenders for the services of the young McCletus, including Chelsea FC, Real Madrid and Accrington Stanley.

Young McCletus has a family history of football. His soon-to-be grandfather, Angus McCletus, played for Dunfermline in the Scottish Premier League and his father, Kenneth, was at one time part of the development squad of Leeds United, although Ferguson was quick to say that "we don't hold that against him."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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