Sports analysts across the country are in agreement that Alex Rodriguez has always performed best on losing teams. His best numbers were put up on a cellar-dwelling Texas Ranger Team, once owned by perennial loser President Bush. Now that A-Rod is about to break all April hitting records and is finally fielding like a real third baseman, his surge has once again brought his team into the basement.
Yankee owner Baron Von Steingrabber has been seen walking the streets of Manhattan in his bathrobe and slippers. Another failing George has been heard to be muttering to himself about those damn Iraqi and blaming Al Qaida the new Red Sox owner. Joe Torre has returned to church lately lighting candles to St Anthony to help find the old slumping A-Rod who he believes is the only way to bring back a winning Yankee team.
