Grand National Analysis Ahead Of The Race

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 5 April 2019

image for Grand National Analysis Ahead Of The Race
Some racehorses (bottom of picture)

The Aintree Grand National is with us once again, bringing with it all the excitement of watching 40-odd horses gallop round a course that is too long, over fences that are too high, and too dangerous, and stagger their bedraggled hulks past the finishing post, sweating profusely, gasping for breath and frothing at the mouth, like rabid beasts of the Apocalypse.

Several horses, which were prized thoroughbred animals going into the race, will fall, and break legs.

Some may have to be shot. In the head.

What a spectacle!

Looking on the bright side, many of the horses will not die, and one will eventually win, despite having a man on its back for the duration of the race, digging his heels into the horse's flanks, and using his whip to coax it on.

Some people think the race is cruel, due to the 4-mile distance, the height and dangerous nature of the fences (Becher's Brook, the Chair), and the jockeys' harsh treatment of their mounts.

And they're right.

You could win some money if you pick the winner though!

Big deal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more