The world awaits the arising of (the great) Messi(ah), but, sadly, he hangs on the cross around his neck, like Jesus did on his cross, immobilised. But, why?
Well, Jaggedone, has sent his star CIA footy reporter (Cockroach Infiltration Army), Fred the Red's-Barmy-Army, over to Russia to divulge the secrets behind (the) Messi(ah)'s misery and here they are:
1) Ronaldo scored again against Morocco and (the) Messi(ah) stamped his feet so hard, threw his dummy out of his luxurious pram and, got blisters on his feet stomping. Luckily, the Argentinian medical team managed to remove his blisters for the next game!
2) Ronaldo and his Portuguese mates threw the game against Iran because they didn't want to finish first and play host nation Russia! So, (the) Messi(ah) got pissed on 5 bottles of finest Russian vodka and eat 10 tins of Beluga caviar, in the hope he wouldn't have to play the next game.
Sadly, his attempts failed and he is now recovering in an ice-bath and will be fit to play the final game against Nigeria, albeit, with a fat hangover. But, who cares, as long the Argentinian Messiah is on the pitch, namely, the great Maradona!
3) Ronaldo scored 3 goals against Spain and (the) Messi(ah) was caught, just in time, with a noose around his neck, dangling with his tiny legs in the bathroom. Thankfully, a team mate cut him down and, he was fit to play the next game.
Ronaldo, meanwhile, is said to be blackmailing Real Madrid for even more money. He needs a new Bugatti because his other ten are boring.