Yellowknife, Canada In an effort to bring professional hockey back to its roots, the NHL, now relocated way up near the North Pole in the Yukon, have announced that teams that are in areas that don't have lakes that freeze or even snow can't have a hockey team.
"It's ridiculous that Florida and Arizona have teams! They wouldn't know real ice if it jumped up and froze their fingers off! There are two tests of a REAL hockey player-he doesn't feel or care about cold weather, in fact, he LIKES it, and he is of course missing a few teeth."
Residents of Anaheim, San Jose, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Los Angeles, and other warm hockey cities planned to protest by driving their cars all the more, driving up global warming so that nobody has any ice.