Arrieta Delivers Baby; Cubs Win

Funny story written by Michael Lawrence

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

The Chicago Cubs are on the verge of securing a NLDS series win over the St. Louis Cardinals. With the series victory they will only have one team in their way for the opportunity to compete in the World Series, for the first time since 1945.

The Cubs postseason drought has long been documented and fixed into baseball lore. This Championship absence has spanned over 100 years, with their last World Series title coming in 1908 (before radio existed). This year though, the city of Chicago has reason to be more optimistic.

With a 22-6 record and a 1.77 ERA this season (not to mention 2-0 so far this postseason) Cubs fans are beginning to wonder if there is anything that their ace can't do? Well Jake Arrieta accomplished another feat Monday night for his admirers to marvel at.

Not only did Arrieta pick up a clutch win 8-6 over the Cards, but during the gap between the top and bottom of the 4th, Jake delivered a baby!

"I heard a woman in the stands shouting above the crowd and people were gathering around her" Arrieta told reporters during his post game press conference. "The medics were called, but they didn't seem to know what to do, so I jogged up there and assisted real quick."

Though the television cameras did not catch the incident, there was a 3 minute delay added to game time. Hopefully baseball commissioner Robert Manfred is willing to overlook a time extension the equivalent of one David Ortiz at bat.

The baby was a healthy boy, weighing 7lbs, and is the first baby to be delivered at Wrigley Field. The new mother declined to comment on the birth, but did hint that the name Jake is being considered.

One can only pray to the baseball gods that everything Arrieta is doing for the Chicago Cubs franchise will result in a championship. Maybe baby Jake will be the first in 5 generations of his family to see the Cubs win the World Series.

The Cubs play the St. Louis Cardinals Tuesday 10/11 and lead the NLDS series 2-1.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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