Co-trainer and ex Manchester United legend, Ryan Giggs, has denied there are problems between Louis van Gaal and himself because his wife is too old!
A good friend of Ryan, who we found wandering around the bus station, talking to Jaggedone's CIA's (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star footy reporter Guzza Bowlegs-Bigcock (Or is that Dion Dublin?) gave the following statement:
"No Guzza we aint got no problems because he only likes young bits of crumpet and LVG's missus ain't no spring chicken if you get what I mean! The tabloids and mucky press love inventing stories about him and old King Louis and we just laugh about it all the time because he likes a young bit of crumpet too, it's obvious, he's double Dutch!
"Now, if it was one of those sexy SWAGS who hook up with out multi-millionaire super kids, he might just have a problem, but even they ain't interested in a grey haired balding 40 year-old ex-legend even if he has still got a pair of sexy snake hips and can dribble in the right places, nod, nod, wink, wink!"
So there you have it, he is as clean as a Welsh whistle and the only problem that he has with King Louis is understanding his incredible Double Dutch, for which he has employed a rather tasty 20 year-old, multi-lingual, Dutch red-district queen to do the translating!
Meanwhile, back at the training complex, star CIA reporter Guzza Bowlegs-Bigcock was seen scampering through the showers trying to find out if anybody has ever beaten Dion's 'huge one'!
"Impossible!" He said.