Curling Coverage Has Led To Russian Employment Increase In The UK

Funny story written by Jack Allen

Monday, 5 May 2014

image for Curling Coverage Has Led To Russian Employment Increase In The UK
Holds a broom tightly, but not too tight, with her middle finger and thumb.

The employment of Russian females in the UK has spiked drastically over the past 2 months due to the BBC's extensive coverage of the Winter Olympics and the overall attractiveness of the women's Russian curling team.

According to various sources across the country, British men in the twilight of their lives have spiced things up a bit by hiring Russian females as au pairs and requested their new Russian employees to vigorously clean as they let out a yell.

Due to the vast numbers of Russians being employed, the government has been under fire from UKIP about British jobs not going to British women. But the argument that British women could carry out the au pair role to the level of attractiveness set by the Russians has been quickly nullified by everyone who has previously encountered a British woman.

Homes for the elderly are also now looking into employing Russian carers because of this development. One manager of a residential home has said: "Because they (the Russians) ask for less money and are popular with the males, the elderly will choose to die with us. For these old guys it'd be like getting Charlize Theron cleaning their balls when they were promised Katie Hopkins. However, as always we will need to keep them (the elderly) away from the internet because if they embraced it they'd probably lose interest and then have to slightly rename their handkerchiefs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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