Written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

image for Jimmy Fallon Explains College Sports

So, there's all of this talk about college players wanting to be in a player's union ever since a labor board said it's ok for foootballers at Northwestern to unionize.

But the bosses of all the college athletes say they don't want players in any sport joining labor unions 'cause they're not "workers" but "student-athletes."

The bosses are called the NCAA, which represents administrators of colleges and universities, which are a multi-billion dollar sports enterprise. For example, a TV network (CBS) shelled out $10.8 billion to cover "March Madness." Of course football and basketball generate millions for coaches and billions for networks and the NCAA.

Well, the head of the NCAA, in public statements, implies that players who want unions to protect their scholarships if they are injured, get health care and enough money to pay for food are "greedy." And this President of the NCCA, a guy named Mark Emmert, got $1.7 million in salary and benefits last year! As you can see, this Emmert guy has a great sense of humor!

Players want to negotiate to have enough money for food? Well, back to "March Madness." Star player, Shabazz Napier, of the U. Conn. - who just won the NCAA Tournament-- said last month that he is so poor, "Sometimes, there's hungry nights where I'm not able to eat, but I still gotta play up to my capabilities?" Napier even calls his team "the hungry Huskies."

But NCAA chief Mark Emmert says that giving athletes health and injury benefits and an increase in stipends will destroy the concept of "student athlete."

Back to the U. of Conn. Champion basketballers: In the last 8 years only 8 % of their players have graduated college. Some "student athletes!" But maybe they had to leave U. of Conn. to find work that would provide them with enough money to eat 3 square meals a day?

By the way only 21% of NBA players have college degrees. Some student athletes they were!

NCAA chief Emmert says that if student athletes were unionized employees, "it would blow up everything about the collegiate model of athletics". That's an explosion I want to see!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
38 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more