CLEVELAND - The majority owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers Danny Gilbert has just informed the sports media that he is seriously contemplating a name change.
Gilbert noting that the Cavs record of 22-52 is simply unacceptable stated that he has enlisted the services of the Chicago-based Amalgamated Agency of Data Gathering*.
After doing extensive research studies AADG arrived at the conclusion that part of the team's sub par performance is due directly to the team name - the Cavaliers.
AADG spokesperson Bagby B. Buckleybox pointed out that the name Cavaliers really and truly has no place in the sports world.
He noted that the name would best be suited for a classic symphonic orchestra that plays songs by Ludwig Van Beethoven, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Pyotr Tchaikovsky.
Buckleybox stated that sports nicknames need to be something that conjers up fear in the eyes of an opponent such as names like Vikings, Bears, Warriors, and Buccaneers.
He went on to add that the other side of the coin are soft, non-menacing names such as Nuggets, Saints, Jazz, and Orioles.
Buckleybox informed Mr. Gilbert that his agency feels that the best suited name for the Cleveland basketball team would be the cougars - The Cleveland Cougars.
*Formerly known as The Amalgamated Department of Data Gathering.
