Tinker Tailor Soldier Red Sox Cold Warrior

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

If you wondered what happened to the spy shenanigans of the Cold War, you have only to look at the Boston Red Sox.

The subterfuge has been more convoluted than the plot of a John LeCarre spy novel. They dump anyone suspected of being a mole: Marco Scutaro, Kevin Youkilis, Darnell McDonald, Kelly Shoppach, and now pitching coach Bob McClure.

Soon they defectors will outnumber the Reds (Sox, that is).

The latest is plausible deniability, a State Department staple of the Sino-Soviet Days. Now players like Kelly Shoppach and Kevin Youkilis deny everything and know nothing. Well, why not? Journalists in Boston know nothing about secret texts, tweets, and backstairs meetings.

It almost seems like the espionage and double agents continue to hold sway. You may not know whom to trust when Adrian Gonzalez knows nothing about who's used his unsecured phone lines.

Nobody admits to wanting to fire Bobby Valentine, but the poison tipped umbrella may be waiting for the rainy day assassination attempt.

Players seem to be hoping that Toronto Blue Jay manager and former Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell will be the spy who comes in from the cold. As of this season, Farrell is north of the border in a safe house.

Our man in Havana used to be Luis Tiant, but nowadays our man is in the Dominican Republic and uses the code name Big Papi.

Fans are expecting a titanic spy swap before the end of August, but it is more likely that the gulag will already be empty at the height of winter blizzards.

If you think that 13 Days in October was about the Cuban missile crisis in 1962, you may be surprised to learn it is Ben Cherington's workload in 2012.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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