Tom Brady Will Not Be the Next Rocking Chair Winner

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Saturday, 4 August 2012

New England Patriot Tom Brady reached 35 years of age on Friday. According to the actuarial tables of old quarterbacks, his next stop may be the glue factory.

In a few interviews this week, Tom Brady insisted he still felt "like a kid," and he banished an idea this old man was ready for tic-tac paddy whack, or to become dog food for the next generation.

If the number 35 has any meaning this year, it is the number of TDs he expects to throw.

If Tom has been paying attention to Boston sports, he should feel rejuvenated by the 35-year old seasons that came from those who just preceded him.

Kevin Garnett seemed during this past spring to be a spring chicken, galloping around the basketball court for the Celtics-and nearly leading them, as a one-man band, to another championship.

Over at Fenway Park, old David Ortiz has only recently been hobbled by the pesky Achilles heel that dampened what otherwise appeared to be a rejuvenation of the first order, leading the team in just about every hitting category.

Old age isn't what it used to be. The retirement age seems to increase with each passing year. Neither Garnett nor Ortiz was an old dog content with a bone.

Kevin Garnett signed a three-year contract this summer to continue his quest for Ponce de Leon's Fountain of Youth. We presume Tom Brady will also sign aboard the whistle-stop tour to find the drink that keeps the undertaker under wraps.

If the football world crashes down sooner or later, Brady can find solace that fellow Californians Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger carried their youth into a second career in politics.

Tom has aspirations, but that is something for him to do in old age. Right now he is at the peak of athletic condition. There are more laurels to be earned before he hits the big 4-0.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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