Here Comes Kevin Youkilis, Mannywood or Bust

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Red Sox star and occasional slumper Kevin Youkilis is apparently on the chopping block. The executioner is singing, "Sweet Caroline," one more time.

At least Youk is on the short shopping list. The Red Sox have decided they have a surfeit of players who deserve better than languishing on a team headed to Hades in a basket.

Whether Youk finds himself traveling with fellow Sox staple and trade bait Josh Beckett or minor league whiz kid Daniel Bard, only the next 48 hours will tell.

Rumors have sent sports reporters scurrying to e-Bay to see if the Sox have included a sale of the All-Star third baseman to any bidder out there. Free shipping will likely be the deal breaker.

If the Red Sox ever wanted to hold a fire sale, the dumping of Kevin Youkilis may be it. Not since the Sox let Babe Ruth go for a song ("No, No, Nanette") has there been such a chance to hum a ditty (Madonna's "Live to Tell") while Youk takes a jet plane elsewhere.

We hear the Sox will throw in a year's supply of balls and a couple of Fenway Bricks, inscribed any way the buying team wants.

This effort by the Sox brain trust may be to avoid having some bricks thrown their way for waiting so long to deal Youkilis who has come to epitomize the proverbial fifth wheel.

Bobby Valentine was ready to shunt him off to the first bidder in the weeks after the season started by pointing out that Youk was not the man he used to be.

Youk's brother-in-law seems to have lost some influence with the front office, but Tom Brady could guarantee that the landing spot for his sister and her husband Kevin will be a stone's throw from the Brady estate in California.

That likely means a trade to the Dodgers. So long, Youk. We understand there are Boston fans at Dodger Stadium still sitting in Mannywood, waiting to give you a slap.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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