Spain Face Selection Crisis after Fabregas Sectioned

Written by SportzBus

Friday, 29 June 2012


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Spain Face Selection Crisis after Fabregas Sectioned
Cesc urges the ball inside the post

World and European champions Spain could be forced to part with their tried and tested 4-6-0 formation for the Euro 2012 final after midfielder Cesc Fabregas was sectioned under the mental health act yesterday.

The Barcelona playmaker was taken away after he revealed that he had been speaking to footballs and other inanimate objects for over four years, with the belief that his words could influence the future. The extent of Cesc's insanity came to the fore after Spain's penalty shootout victory over rivals Portugal on Wednesday, during which he told the ball to "make history", before also later revealing that he "talked to the ball" in Spain's shootout with Italy four years ago.


"Speaking to various objects as if they were real people is common amongst many of our patients." Mental health professional Ben Lockwood told Sportzbus. "However I cannot give my professional opinion on the Fabregas case until we receive more detailed test results on his condition."

Word has emerged from the Spanish camp that it is not just footballs that Fabregas has been known to communicate with, after revelations from room-mate Sergio Ramos. "The other night he was chatting shit to his alarm clock." Ramos said. "He was all like 'alarm clock, please make history and wake me up in plenty of time for training tomorrow.' I was like 'shut up Cesc, I'm trying to get some sleep here, and I'll probably be late anyway.' And I was. [Vicente] Del Bosque went fucking mental."


The Fabregas situation leaves manager Del Bosque with a huge dilemma over whether to actually field a striker for Sunday's final against Italy. "It's a big call." He admitted in his press conference. "If [Carlos] Puyol was available I'd probably stick him up front just to confuse the Italians, but playing Fernando Torres seems too obvious. If I end up starting him I'll probably ask him to tie his hair in a pony-tail, making Georgio Chiellini think he's Andrey Voronin in disguise and thus lulling him into a false sense of security."


Word has it that Fabregas has been taken to a secure, un-named location in Spain, from which a doctor, who would like to remain anonymous, was able to release a statement on the former Arsenal man's condition. "Cesc remains in a stable, yet worrying state." He confirmed. "We had hoped that by locking him in a padded room with no access to footballs or any other spherical objects we would be able to rehabilitate him fully within the space of a few weeks. However, only hours after being placed there, one of my nurses walked in to find him talking to one of his own testes. It would be inappropriate for me to divulge the full details of the conversation, but let's just say the words 'we can make history' were involved once again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more