Thumbsucker Josh Beckett Develops Hangnail

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

How much peace of mind does it take? Josh Beckett, who is not from the Show Me State, despite his recent behavior, now wants another opinion on his beleaguered green thumb. Lately everything he touches tends to wither.

After flying to San Antonio where doctors or crypto-doctors revealed his thumb had all the normal markings, Beckett continues his barnstorming tour of clinics across the nation.

Today he plans on seeing voodoo specialists in Cleveland.

Red Sox have taken note that he has avoided every doctor in the Boston area.

Fellow numb thumb went immediately to Boston. Andrew Bailey received his bad news from certified Friends of John Henry VIII. Off with his thumb.

Beckett is not so trusting of the New England medical constabulary.

And who could blame him? All those people who come from around the world to Mass. General Hospital must be sorely mistaken.

Beckett is thumbing his nose to spite his face. Beckett is the kind of guy who takes his pulse with a thumb.

Red Sox officials have noted that Beckett is on tap to pitch in his normal rotation spot on Saturday-mainly because there is another thumb specialist in Detroit he is consulting.

Peace of mind may be harder to find nowadays-what with chicken and beer off the menu. We have half a mind to say that we want to give Beckett a piece of our mind.

Those who have worked with Beckett have noted over the years that he is one odd duck. We must remember that a wet duck never flies at night-and Beckett may be stuck in Cleveland for the forseeable future contemplating his knucklehead.

Why did the Moron suck his thumb? To watch the Red Sox squirm.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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