Berwick To Save Scottish Soccer Status

Funny story written by Menominee

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Berwick Rangers, concerned about their uncertain footballing status after the proposed Scottish secession from the United Kingdom in 2014, have bought their Glaswegian namesake Rangers in a blockbuster £4,233.54 deal in a bid to safeguard their continued presence in the Scottish leagues.

Club Chairman Giles Fotheringay Fnah-Fnah said at a press conference called this afternoon to confirm the completion of the deal that he had feared Berwick - who are actually located across the border in England - would have been ejected from the Scottish football pyramid (where they habitually compete with teams such as Montrose, Alloa and Cowdenbeath) following Scottish independence and thus be forced to go head to head with the English soccer giants of Manchesters City and United, Arsenal, Chelsea and the like.

"We can't match the spending power of Arab sheikhs and Russian oligarchs at Berwick," said Fotheringay Fnah-Fnah. "We only have one paid player, the manager is subsidised by the council, our largest transfer fee was £17 and our highest ever crowd was 29. Accordingly, I decided buying Rangers with a view to amalgamating the two clubs playing squads and facilities was a much more cost-effective solution to the problem, giving us a bona fide postal address in Scotland. The price was surprisingly reasonable though my accountant says there is a certain amount of inherited debt to consider."

Glasgow Rangers' former owner Craig Whyte, spotted this morning in the short-stay car park of Glasgow Prestwick airport, declined to offer a comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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