Tiger Woods is Back for These Reasons

Written by Karen Fish

Sunday, 20 November 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Tiger Woods is Back for These Reasons

Tiger Woods is back and thank God for that. Watching golf without Tiger Woods is like watching paint dry and watching golf with Tiger Woods is pure excitement. Golf is like life only on a larger scale.

The bigger they are the harder they fall. Tiger Woods now 35 years old has won 14 majors. For the past two years it seemed like he was washed up; he was compared to the fallen Mike Tyson. There has been no suggestion that Tiger Woods ever engaged in non consensual sex. How would you like the entire world being in your bedroom?

Nobody has ever suggested that Tiger Woods is not a fabulous father. Elin Nordegren the nanny introduced to Tiger Woods by Jesper Parnevik received two magnigicent children and a fortune in cash and homes from Tiger Woods. Nobody ever suggested that Tiger Woods was not a fabulous son. Like many sports celebrities and politicians Tiger Woods fell to temptation. One woman trying to cash in on Tiger Woods sold a sex tape on the internet of her having sex with Tiger Woods onlly the man playing Tiger Woods was boxer Teneal Goyco.

Tiger Woods' sponsors ran like rats deserting a sinking ship except for Nike and some others. Several years back Freddie Couples said that one day nobody would even remember who Jack Nicklaus was. As fate would have it Fred Couples was named the captain of the American Presidents Cup team. Fred Couples had 2 captain's picks and with one he chose Tiger Woods who had slipped to 50 in the world and Fred Couples was pilloried for this choice. How fitting that today Tiger Woods clinched the Presidents Cup for the United States of America. Earl Woods must be celebrating in Heaven.

Fellow legend Ben Hogan broke every bone in his body in a car accident and was written off only to rise again like a phoenix from the ashes, like Lazarus. Tiger Woods won 14 majors making a rapid hip clear coming down and posting up onto his left knee which ended up tearing his left knee apart. Tiger Woods also injured his left achilles tendon and his neck in the infamous car crash. Never did Tiger Woods ever cast aspersions upon his wife. The first people to thank for giving us back Tiger Woods are his surgeons.

Tiger Woods was so great that the Golden Bear said "Tiger Woods plays a game with which I am not familiar." Tiger Woods was coached from birth by his father Sgt. Earl Woods winning three consecutive US amateurs then the great golf professionals Butch Harmon and Hank Haney. Because he could no longer post up into his weakened left knee Tiger Woods had to find a different way to hit the golf ball.

This is when Tiger Woods switched to little known golf pro Sean Foley. Sean Foley taught Tiger Woods a modified version of the stack and tilt golf swing in which the golfer never leaves his left foot. This takes the pressure off the left knee in the swing. Like Nick Faldo who spent two years rebuilding his golf swing with David Ledbetter it has taken two years for Tiger Woods' brain to forget his old swing and for the muscle memory to ingrain into Tiger's brain to the point where he can rely upon it under pressure.

The great Jack Nicklaus was standing on the practice range at the US Open hitting the ball sideways. Jack Nicklaus' coach Jack Grout said "Hey Jack your stance is open, your feet are aiming left." Jack Nicklaus made the correction and won going away. Tiger Woods' swing returned but mysteriously the greatest clutch putter in history couldn't make a putt. Johnny Miller who has been lavish in his praise of Tiger Woods speculated that Tiger's nerves at 35 were gone as has happened to so many of the greats. Here comes the icing on the cake:

Yesterday on the practice green at Royal Melbourne Steve Stricker said to Tiger Woods: "Hey Tiger your ball position is off and you are not releasing the toe of the putter." All of a sudden Tiger Woods could not miss and became the Tiger Woods of old. Tiger was gracious enough to publicly credit Steve Stricker.

Finally the person who deserves the most credit for the resurgence is Tiger Woods himself. When the scandal broke Tiger Woods held a press conference and took all of the sins of the world upon himself and apologized to his family and his fans. A normal person may have walked away from golf at the time, not needing to be pilloried by the world. Not Tiger. Tiger fought thru 4 operations, rehab, the constant attacks on him for staying with Sean Foley and worked day and night rebuilding his new golf swing for 2 years. Tiger Woods has the over sized heart of Secretariat and he brought himself back up off the canvas and delivered the knockout blow to the International side today at the Presidents Cup. The beautiful sight of the young guns like Dustin Johnson and Fred Couples hugging Tiger Woods celebrating the American victory in the Presidents Cup will go down in history as the rebirth of one of the greatest athletes in history, Tiger Woods.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more