Russian opposition leader sentenced to 5 years
Or until Putin Leaves office, whichever comes first.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
In Kashmir, police open fire on protesters
Monaco practically into a civil war! Al Gore blames heated unrest on global warming.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Abbas delays decision on peace talks, Kerry to fly home
"197th verse, same as the first!"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Seen and heard at Comic-Con
Bouncing Boy recalls the day he was born, "You have a bouncing baby boy", nurse told Mama."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Egypt's interim president vows to protect country
"I will do the best I...looks like another overthrow. Oh well, fun while it lasted."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Great Kate Wait: The Nutty Scene Outside St. Mary's Hospital
News has already leaked that it's a baby.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Deformed Vegetables, Fruit Reportedly Pop Up Around Japan Nuclear Plant
Rutabaga in the shape of the late Bob Hope's head goes for $20,000 on eBay!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
US wilting in a heat wave somehow stuck in reverse
Weather in U.S. seems to be following the trend of the economy.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
The city of Detroit files for bankrupcty
Between exploding Pintos and exploding gangs, once proud town goes under.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Falling crime
Reduction in recorded crime is not despite of police cutbacks, said crime watchdogs, but because of them. "The cuts are in the department that records crime," said one Watchdog called Clock Rover.
written by IainB, 18 July 2013
New Study: Running is good for you.
Just standing around not so good. You not only will not lose weight but over 20% usually arrested for loitering.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Indian Restaurants Object
Indian Restaurants around the United States say they have lost 25% of customers since hookah ban came into law. "It's not easy to run outside for a quick hookah smoke", says waitress.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
More protests in Egypt
This time it's over new leader's announcement that Egypt will not participate in next years Olympic Games!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Turds seize town on Syrian-Kurkish border
I'm sorry. That should be "Town seizes Turds on Syrian border. No, that ain't it either. TURDS! (I give up).
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Law firm admits leaking Rowling's alter ego
Just before they all turned into giant, red-eyed toads!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Kremlin critic found guilty of embezzlement
Also jay walking, ten parking violations and driving too slow. Will be headed for Siberia by Winter.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Vice President Joe Biden hams about 2016 run: 'We'll see where the hell I am'
"In fact, where in the hell am I right now?"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Speaking Out for Health Care Act, Obama Says Millions Will Get Rebates
"I just got off the phone after talking to the Chinese leader, himself. Of course, they want Detroit, but who else would want it?"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Potential witness in Bulger gangster trial found dead
"We don't know what to do", admits police chief. "I wonder if this type of thing has ever happened before?"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Snoops True Facts #121
According to Snoops: The worst movie sequel of all-time: "We'll Always Have Pirates!"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Number one for 20th consecutive year
"Deliverence" still most watched movie in prisons!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Pelosi: GOP needs 'lesson on the birds and bees'
Rush Limbaugh: Pelosi needs lesson on face lifts and butt reductions!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
......blow me down!!
Mandela celebrates 95th birthday....."I really had you cats going there for awhile didn't I!"
written by Herrdoktorfox, 18 July 2013
NTSB: No sign of any problems on Asiana 214
NTSB Chief Mi Hung Lo issued a statement today that nothing wong was found after the crash of Asiana flight 214 and the plane will continue on a return flight to its point of origination in Long Dong.
written by Moose, 18 July 2013
A tiny Colorado town is considering letting residents hunt federal drones, with shotguns, for a $25 fee
"Drones are planes?" asks Colorado hunter. "I thought they meant like drone bees. I got good eyesight for bees. I ain't gonna hunt airplanes. Too hard to catch up."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Unconventional pastor leads booming NYC megachurch
Yes, church is very entertaining these days. Move back the piano and bring forth the guitars and drums.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Snooki on Weight Loss: 'I'm the Size of a Fifth Grader'
But with the brain of a sixth grader!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Harry Reid blames forest fires on 'climate change'.
Also, more people bored and lighting farts. People having to hide in deep woods to have a smoke.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Study: Most Lay Catholics Have Better Sex!
Report took 1500 years of study, over 10,000 couples, 2000 monks.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Snowden set to leave airport 'within week'
After Putin offers him his own small airport out in the countryside.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Hackers re-engineer GOOGLE Glass to allow facial recognition.
Better comb your hair and replace thin sleeping gown before hitting the keyboard this morning.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Third court overturns Obama recess appointments.
"It's the old "Three Strikes & You're out" policy repeated all over again", says Yogi Berra.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Obama steps in to push health plan as critical date draws near
"I finally had time to read it and I still say it ain't all that bad!"
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Niece: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Would Not Wear A Hoodie
Uncle would have nothing to do with any hoodie. "He saw enough in his own time."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
17 people arrested in Zimmerman trial protest in Victorville
Judge there say they will probably get ten years each!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
TSA Searching Parked Cars at Airports #2
Discover over a dozen married couples having sex. "For pete's sake", says angry wife. "You bugged our bed and we can't even come out here in peace."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
TSA Searching Parked Cars at Airports
Placing little devices under back so they can trail you anywhere you go. Where is the ACLU when they are needed?
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Snoops #355C
According to Snoops: Most old movie classics in the 1940s were filmed in color but were dunked in black and white mixture to make them look more "Classy".
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Schizophrenia is treatable: Needs early diagnosis
Before they come and take you to who knows where and do who knows what to you. Let me tell you, I know but I couldn't trust you with it.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Hospital inspections to be more robust, chief inspector says
"Doctor Douglas, drop down and give me twenty-five push-ups", orders one inspector.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
In latest 'nanny' move, Bloomberg encourages people to take stairs
"Take a little time and come over to the Empire State Building! It'll do you in...uh..good."
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Al Qaeda branch says No. 2 leader killed in Yemen
Apparently while he was taking a #2 in a cave.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Ivy League professor calls God a 'racist' after Zimmerman verdict
Students remind her that she had taught them that there was no god.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
NRA Blasts Holder For Attacking 'Stand-Your-Ground' Laws
And if there's one thing you don't want, it's to be blasted by the NRA!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
ACLU: Now License plates tracked
Member gets note from NSA that his right back tire is a little low and he needs some new brake shoes.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
North Korea to Panama: Free our ship or we do something bad!
It's the Cuban Crisis all over again! Are there Russian missiles also aboard? Or is it the Korean War? Will it lead to World War Three? But let's get back to that trial in Florida!
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
Snoops True Fact #760
According to Snoops: There are one million ants for every human in the world. These resilient creatures also never sleep. Snoops recommends each household should have a pet anteater or we're history.
written by Bureau, 18 July 2013
