Terrorists Again?
Washington DC post office cleared after suspicious looking email arrives, until Fire department downloads it.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
There's Trouble In Paradise
Osama Bin Laden vehemently denies that his seventeen virgins are actually blow-up dolls that easily lose air and fly around the bed.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
The Swamp Thing
Johnny Depp has agreed to play the leading role in "The Swamp Thing Returns" basically using the same make-up he used in The lone Ranger!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Patriots Taken?
American patriots who bought a piece of the Twin Towers now have enough to build ten towers!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
More From Snowden
"CIA once sought inside Info from Mohammed "Fiddledick" Abdula! Highest rewards offered." Turned out to be NYC taxi driver who was was often drunk who bragged and lied a lot."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Crowds Still Protesting
President Obama threatens to have 101st Airborne dropped into Time Square!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
News From Dallas
A mime was present at the Kennedy assassination still refuses to talk other than to point at grassy knoll. "We would have caught him earlier to interview, couldn't see him in invisible cube", say FBI.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
11 Mindfulness Tricks to Get Eating Under Control
Number One Trick: Purchase plastic cockroach and lay in on your plate beside your food.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
East Coast Bakes in Record Heat
Radio Disc Jockey cooks pot roast on sidewalk in New Jersey!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
China shuts museum with 'fake' exhibits
Just OUR version of Mona Lisa, The Last Supper, Soup Cans!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Kenny G Objects to term "Elevator Music"
"I think of myself as having a more Escalator Sound. I love the wide open spaces where my music can flow on and on and on!" ("He even TALKS that way", says passing stranger."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Suckertown Casino Closes After Only Six Months
"I tried to tell the owners this was the wrong town to place a casino, even though it does have an ocean view", says company VP. "I thought 'Easy Street City' just north of here would've been better."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Hotel Theft A First
"We've had towels, ash trays even a TV stolen before but this is a first", says Hotel manager in Houston. "I still don't see how they made away with a whole room."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
New 'snail facial' used to prevent aging in Japan
"It's good", says customer. "But it sure is a slow process. You have to leave it on for six months."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
City crews accidentally demolish wrong house in Texas
Nope! It wasn't the one Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds made famous in the movie!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
San Diego mayor rejects calls to resign despite new groping allegations
Claims that he had migraine and couldn't see rear end of lady at office. "There was a blind spot, a star and then a moon!"
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Rush Limbaugh To Make House Appearance
Harry Reid: If he's come here to filibuster, he'll never quit talking.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Stevie Wonder Boycotts Florida!
Ted Nugent boycotts Stevie Wonder! NBC boycotts FOX! FOX boycotts ABC, NBA and NBC!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Hendrix Lyrics Still Questioned!
Guy at recording says the song went "Excuse me, while I kiss the sky", not "Excuse me, while I kiss this guy". It was the "Excuse me" that wasn't in the original lyrics. Jimi farted.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
60,000 honeybees invade home
Gay partner tells reporters: They think Marvin is their new queen!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Big drug firm in major scandal in China
After mix-up and sending good drugs overseas, fake drugs at home!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
NEW Study: Air pollution is killing us
Recommends that we slow down on our breathing as much as possible!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Panama finds weapons hidden in North Korean ship arriving from Cuba
Great. That's all we need, an all-out war between North Korea and Panama.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Richard Simmons Hits 65 Monday
A few people who were asked about the event stated, "I thought he turned 65 ten years ago. He looks like a much older Art Garfunkel."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
The U.S. government had a $116.5 billion surplus in June.
President: "I was born by the river, in a little old tent, just like the river, I been running ever since. It's been a long, long time coming..but a change gonna come!"
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Bitten by hungry T. rex, this dinosaur got away
Professor Levon Elm says evidence shows smaller Wimpasaurus was able to outrun big lizard.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Discussion under way to move Eagle Mountain Casino
Native Americans may be forced marched to take Casino farther out of town.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Walmart Riot!
Lady running out with armload of clothes tells reporter "This is for that guy who was shot. I forget which."
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Anthropology prof discovers 'new type of' illegal immigrant who knows only American life
Discovery comes after first illegal immigrant, who has been here 42 years, signs up for social security.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
4 Ways to Avoid Running Out of Money in Retirement #2
Be sure you steal all the office supplies you can during your last days at work!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
2 Broncos execs suspended for DUI arrests
Both say their NFL players are a bad influence on them.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
World Peace says he'll sign with Knicks
Village Idiot Smith headed for Washington!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Mexico Captures Head of 'Zetas' Cartel
Tell cartel they can keep the rest of him!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
President Keeping Low Profile
He especially doesn't want to divide Black/Hispanic voters!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Juror Speaks Trayvon Threw First Punch!
So if someone hits you, you kill them, right?
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
WASH TIMES: Personal tax records of politicians, donors improperly accessed at IRS
Move on folks. Nothing new about this. The IRS RULES!!!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Newspapers, Talk Shows Having A Ball!
Verdict unleashed pent up rage... NUGENT: Vindicates citizen patrols, self-defense...Hispanic man attacked by gang of blacks!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Zimmerman's Parents in Hiding from 'Enormous Amount of Death Threats'.
Invited to Russian to join Edward Snowden!
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Zimmerman verdict: Protesters storm Wal-Mart in Crenshaw area
Same thing they did after dog almost ran over in parking lot! Santa Claus late in showing up.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
Clarke blames southern state
Australia has lost the first cricket Ashes Test and already captain Michael Clarke is looking for scapegoats. "I see only the dastardly hand of the state of Tasmania in this loss" Clarke declared.
written by whatinthe world, 16 July 2013
Submarine sinks to new depths
Captain Vincent O'Donnell of the Royal Navy has single handedly built a large dog turd shaped submarine and christened the vehicle "Hooray Henry" in honour of Prince Harry. However Harry is livid.
written by whatinthe world, 16 July 2013
What The Hell Is Going On With The NFL?
New England Patriots cornerback Alfonzo Dennard has been arrested on DUI charges. He told the police officers that he was just celebrating the fact that he has never been arrested.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 July 2013
Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio Knows All About Tourism
Sheriff Joe Arpaio has denied that he is offering illegal aliens $175 each if they leave Arizona and move to Utah.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 July 2013
Somebody Please Give Richard Simmons A Hand Mirror
Richard Simmons just turned 65, and he says that he looks 35. So Simmons is not only old, he's also delusional as well.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 July 2013
Kirstie Alley Is All About Food
Kirstie Alley is asking that California make the chicken the official state bird. When asked why she grinned and replied, "Because they are so darn yummy."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 July 2013
Illegal Aliens Hate Slow Moving Trains
The United States Immigration Department will begin returning illegal aliens back to Mexico by train. The reasoning is that way they won't return to the United States as quick.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 16 July 2013
Health Watch: Aspirin To Ward Off Colon Cancer
Will eat hole in stomach lining. Helps keep blood from clotting. Can interfere with other meds. Can be best for headaches. Could cause you to bleed to death.
written by Bureau, 16 July 2013
