Putin: Snowden a dubious present from U.S.
"He hasn't told us one ****** thing our own spies didn't know."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Dozens sickened by cyclospora parasite
"Cyclospora parasite my ass, says patient. "It's the pure old runs!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Chris Brown probation revoked, but he remains free
Protesters getting ready to hit the streets! "How many times must this guy break the law?"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Protester Interviewed!
"Actually I was out here protesting over spending $20 for that Lone Ranger movie! We was robbed."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Protesters Agree Among Younger Crowd
What else is there to do before school opens back up?
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Rand Paul To Joe Biden
"You sir, are a carpetbagger and a scallywag!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
American High School Students Split 50/50
Red states/Blue states disagree on Zimmerman verdict. Gun sales up again.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Restaurants, Bars, Police, Hospital Staffs Shift to Part-Time Help.
To avoid paying insurance once ObamaCare fully installed.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Syrian Rebels Side with Trayvon.
Syrian Leader Assad says he can't vote for someone with a Jewish sounding name but was happy that the U.S. was getting into it with its own people as he is there.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Boston Finally Agrees On Marathon Bombing!
"Witchcraft", says Lt. Governor Mather. "Dunk him in the lake! Dunk him in the lake! Dunk him in the lake!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Inept Firemen Say It's Not Their Fault
After losing their first 29 fire and houses all burned to the ground, the new Boogertown Fire Department insist that it's not their fault. "The fire hoses keep getting burned up when we go in deeper."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Grandfather caught with bag of noses!
"Of course I didn't get these from kids you jackasses", he tells police. "They gave them to me over at that uppity face lift place."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Latest From Supreme Court
Court rules 6-3 that you have the right string baby but the wrong yoyo! "We don't just dance to anyone's tune", says Ginsburg.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Mess In NYC Times Square
Several drunks yelling that Zimmerman should have never pushed over twin towers! "The Big Ape!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
The Never Ending Cycle
Inside immigration bill: Details, bureaucracy and pork. Piggies in Washington still mired in the muck, regardless of who's in charge!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Cheech Marin Having Kid Is A Trip!
Cheech Marin claims that becoming a new father can be a trip. "You get no sleep man. but then you have these amazing hallucinations!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Peter Pan Saves Boston Man!
A Boston man who ran in the Boston Marathon says he thanks Peter Pan peanut butter for saving his life. "I would have been up front towards the finish line but I forgot & had Peanut Butter Sandwich!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Jerry Mathers in Hospital
Because beavers' teeth never stop growing, they must constantly gnaw on objects to keep them at a manageable length. Their teeth would eventually grow into their brain if they didn't maintain them.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Gay marriage bill clears Britain's House of Lards
"They can be as fat as they lack, let them get married but if they're like us in The House of Lards, they need to get bigger beds."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Pharmaceutical Company Sets New Record!
Tryurluc, the new FDA-approved drug from Dicecast Industries has 784 potential side effects, 50 percent of which have proven fatal in clinical testing.
written by The Ruling Authority, 15 July 2013
IQ Tests For Gun Owners
Since the NRA frowns on background checks for gun owners, maybe they'll approve of IQ tests and prevent the 'wrong' people from purchasing guns?
written by K.C. Bell, 15 July 2013
More Snowden Revelations
The US and Russia have over 400 spy satellites in the sky as of last March! North Korea has ten but they are all under the ocean.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Snoops True Facts #766
Snoops: On average, there are 60,000 spiders per acre in green areas. So next time you hear someone say they belong to the Green Party, throw a tarantula in their face & tell them to "Kiss It!".
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
According To Snoops #868
Snoops: The last Ostrich Rodeo was held in 1952. Sadly a clown was pecked to death and they were outlawed.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
One-Hundredth Native American Casino Opens
"White man stole our land and now we steal it back!", says Chief Spotted Liver.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Joe Biden Book Sells Hundreds
Vice President now holding the rest of self-published book. "It'll be a collector's item once I keep 100 and burn the other 1800." Book apparently came out a year ago.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Even Obama Tired of Hearing It!
"I wish that everyone who gets surprised by something here in DC would quit that "Well, George Bush On A Segway!" thing. "I'm sick of hearing about it!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Willie Nelson Says The IRA Treated Him Fairly!
Country singer Johnny Paycheck bounces out of his grave!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Victim speaks out after bat, knife attack by NYC cabbie
"All I said was that the New York Yankees were a piece of crap this year!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Rabbi Arrested!
Rabbi accused of road rage, impersonating cop, Rabbi.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
17 killed in stampede at Indonesia boxing match
"We're a whole lot safer here in the ring", say both boxers, referee.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Italian senator compares black minister to orangutan
Black minister compares Italian Senator to Jackass! "And the Jackass wins every time!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
New Sporting News Feature!
This year the magazine will rank NFL teams by the most players arrested during the off season!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Celebrities who have been homeless
Includes Freddy the Freeloader, Ralph Nader, E.T., Boxcar Willie!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
'Pothole Robin Hood' fixes streets
He takes from the pitch and gives to the pour!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Datsun is back from the dead
Nice little car according to Consumer Digestive. "But where are people going to get enough BRAINS to run it?"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Man arrested outside Kerry's home
"Just wanted to get a got photograph of E.T. type head! I work for The National UFO News"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Small is big for Japanese automakers eyeing Indonesia and India
Also building extra small car for pygmies of Congo, leprechauns of Ireland, Shriners and circus clowns
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Greenpeace activists break into French nuclear plant
Police use of fallen egg souffles hit in protesters face fail to stop them. "It is cruel but we must clear them out before a meltdown", says officer.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
America's most expensive home rumored to already been sold!
Mansion hits market for record-breaking $190 million, believed to have already been purchased by CEO of Chinese company that makes so-called pet food.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
USA's fastest man tests positive for banned substance.
"You can run but you cannot hide", says official. "Hey, I like that. Write it down. You can run but you cannot hide."
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Germany Officially Outraged Over Spying By U.S.
PAPER: German spies made use of U.S. surveillance data!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
More Trial News
O.J.Simpson: There is no justice in the United States anymore! How could they acquit him?"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Sharpton: 'Slap in Face'.
After three slaps, "I didn't mean me, you idiots!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Beyonce holds moment of silence at concert.
Wears black thong in memory of jury decision in Florida.
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Protesters Cause Gridlock In Midtown Manhattan.
The same as the traffic jams every other morning! Bums yelling: "Free the Indianapolis 500! The Daytona 300!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
Thousands pack Times Square.
Old hippies holding sign "Hell No We Won't Go!", Drunks with "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
CA protesters break windows, start fires
Many asking: What great passion is it this time? O.J. do something again?
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
America gripped by second night of Fury!
TV show about horse named Fury and the boy who loved him captures America's attention!
written by Bureau, 15 July 2013
England stuff Aussies and Murray wins!
A cool place to be, England or Britain; Murray, Cricket, Tour de France, whatever next? England winning the world cup in Tiddlywinks aided by the hand of God!
written by unknown
Samos is not Lesbos!
Confused gay couples on holiday have been arriving on Samos instead of Lesbos because Lesbos has gone hetero and Samos is still a gay little palce to be!
written by unknown
Rooney falls under Josés spell!
The special one has mesmerized Wayne Rooney into seeing only blue after he sees dead reds
written by unknown
Confuscious says!
Hypocrites are in abundance all over the planet especially religious ones!
written by unknown
