Massive Dust Storm Blankets Parts of Arizona
"At least we think it's Arizona, Part of it is. Let's see. No over there would be New Mexico. Just report that it's the mother of all dust storms", says mayor who fled town near border.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
NFL: No Blow To The Head
NY Jets rookie lineman Oday Aboushi, one of the few Palestinian-Americans in the NFL, defended himself today against a website that called him a "Muslim extremist." "Yep, I keep a bomb in my helmet."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
FCC "Drunk Here!"
Fed. Communications Commissions says in some cities you are now able to send text messages to 911. The first one to come in was "Dad crazy drunk wounded the whole family with old Army Pistol, LOL :( "
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
China Not Worried About Dollar
"Not worried about dollar", stated Chinese banker. "We buying up lots of property over there."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Now We Know We're Doomed!
White House spokesman stated today that America should not be worried about the President playing golf so much. "He is always connected to headquarters & VP Joe Biden is always ready to step in."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Homeland Security Sec. Janet Napolitano Resigning
Many people in DC were hoping for this. "I heard she had applied to help coach the Redskins", stated one. "Yes", added her friend. "And she was always patting fire hydrants on the head "Good Boy!"
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Jimmy Hoffa Found?
What's left of former Teamster boss appears in La Brea Tar Pits.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Incoming! Low-flying fighter jet scares air-show spectators
Many sent screaming to port-a-potties but much too late. Four people fighting to get in knocks one over and scatters insides.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Kevin Rudd to announce scrapping of carbon tax
"Not exactly up in smoke but we'll just allow it to drift along for a few more years."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Are we making ourselves miserable trying to live longer?
Report: "More and more people are leaving this world kicking and a-scratching", according to Doctor Levon Elms.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Citizens United Considering Suing the Government Over Obamacare
"The President has invited the suit after delaying Obamacare for business for a year", states spokesman. "How does that look to individuals? The small guy gets hit once again."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Al Gore Admits Politicians Will Do Almost Anything Do Get Elected!
"I even had to kiss Tipper for five minutes with six retakes in front of a camera. Well, they did use a double a couple of times."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Al Gore Still Upset
I will soon release a tape I purchased from a CIA agent that shows young Ralph Nader on Grassy Knoll in Dallas.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Military tests 6-foot-tall Terminator-like robot
Could manufacture whole army to go with drone aircraft.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
MAG: Do women make better politicians?
They sure make prettier politicians, except for Barney Frank of course.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Half-naked Animal Rights Activists May Have Own Cable Show
Also, halftime show at the 2015 Super Bowl!
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Half-naked animal rights activists May Be On TV Soon
Half-naked Animal Rights Activists may appear on the next Jerry Springer Special!
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Half-naked animal rights activists storm Gaultier show
Many are thrown out by ushers, police. "Kinda hope some of them do it again", confesses usher. "Some of the ladies looked better than those Sticks on the walkway."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Eli Manning Has Vision
New York Giants Quarterback Eli Manning has apparently told friends that he saw Johnny Unitas in a vision and that he told him, pass 100% of the time, Eli."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
NBA player claims he was abducted by aliens
NBA Commissioner: Lt's see the NFL players get more headlines than we do! How about it, Eli? Peyton? Ever been abducted?
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Officials warn of Shanghai Mad Cow disease
Blame reports of a Chinese steak in British nuclear reactors for the deathly pathogen
written by queen mudder, 13 July 2013
27 Foods You Should Never Buy Again
#1. Mountain Oysters Tar Tar! You can usually get these free if you know the right people.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Prices For Used Cars Going Down
Especially Seawater Sedans from the gulf coast area.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Study suggests Obama glossing over poverty problem
Either that or people in mountains, reservations, inner cities have created over 250 new nudist colonies.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Wienerschnitzel Seeks Office Again!
I'm sorry. That should have been "Weiner, Spitzer seek second chance at voters!"
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Talks Off Again
Talks between Pope Francis and Larry Flynt once again postponed.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Zimmerman Trial Continues
Jury Deliberations enters 2nd Day as police, two different protest crowds wait to see which one will riot. "I just hope it's not both groups", says one officer.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Oprah lands Lindsay Lohan interview
But still looking for which re-hab center she has sent this latest time. Runs into Martha Stewart, Paula Deen, Johnny Depp still in feathers.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Iowa court reaffirms it was OK to fire 'irresistible' worker
Wives of office workers and clients warned hubbies to look elsewhere when she worked for clinic.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Derek Jeter to miss weekend series with cod strain
I'm sorry, that should have been "quad" strain. Of course, it could be both.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Hardy hits three-run moonshot
"Now we KNOW they are taking something!", admits Commissioner.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
U.S. to Egypt: Ousted President Morsi must be Fred!
I'm sorry, that should be "Freed". His name is Morsi. Mohammed Fred Morsi? Unusual name for Egyptian, Fred. Wife name is Cleo.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Latest Tech News
The 6-foot-2-inch 330-pound man-shaped robot was built to rescue humans in a Fukushima-style disaster. First words: "Warning Will Robinson. Humanoid approaching."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
FACT CHECK: Farm bill doesn't end food stamps
Wonderland: Both parties in Washington still inside Rabbit Hole. "Drawing the rest of us in it like a Black Hole", states Ralph Nader.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Melting Alaskan Glacier Yields New Remains of Decades-Old Crash
"We think there are also 'Old Remains' under there somewhere", says Professor Garth Hudson.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
AP Source: Alex Rodriguez meets with MLB
Claims he never took illegal drugs, steroids. Chair breaks, flying hand accidentally knocks out two questioners.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Depp's interest in Wounded Knee causes a stir
"Movie star thinks he's native American. Maybe want to build casino", say Chief Crazy Slots.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
BLOOMBERG: Holder 2011 Travel Cost Taxpayers More Than $1.45 Million.
That's over 10,000 yuan in Chinese currency.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Skies Over Venezuela
Citizens of Venezuela report over 50 clones flying over countryside. "We think they are looking for Snowden", says local farmer.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
DOJ official leaks info on leak guidelines
According to three other leaks in the government.
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Governments worldwide viewing America as arrogant superpower
"Arrogant?" asks President Obama. "Where do those little peons get that?"
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
Justin Bieber Accused of Indecent Exposure?
Prosecutor decides there was no crime because there wasn't much to expose. "Could have been a skin tag."
written by Bureau, 13 July 2013
