Dolphins May 'See' Pregnant Women's Fetuses
Almost exactly the way Nostradamus predicted it, except he thought it would be sea turtles.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
China discovers primitive, 5,000-year-old writing
However, thus far they have no clue as to WHAT he is writing. More later.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Rover Drills Deep Into Chilean Desert to Aid Mars Life Hunt
"See. I told you it was all fake", says Homer Smith Jr. to bar mates. "That thing's in Chile." More news from Homer and his bar mates at 11:00PM. "Moon landing my hairy hiney."
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Why Did We Stop Building Pyramids?
According to Prof. Ronnie Hawkins, "Because we'd soon run out of space with 400-foot-tall tombstones." Prof. Robbie Robertson concurs. "Prof. Helm could always explain it better but he's gone."
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Australian Outback Is Much Like Mars, Prof. Hawkins Suggest
"It comes from the Land Down Under! You better run, you better take cover!" jokes Hawkins.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Astronomers find blue planet outside solar system
"It's as blue as Mars is red", says noted astronomer Ronnie Hawkins.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Space Time Loops May Explain Black Holes
"It's simple" says Prof. Ronnie Hawkins. "In general, relativity collides with quantum mechanics, creating a singularity, or a point at which the equations spit out infinities much like we do poop!"
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Solar plane lands in New York, completing U.S. journey
Pilot: This means that we can get you from New York to Paris using solar energy alone, in only 28 days!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Fire officials: Bug bombs caused NY building blast
Somehow regular bomb got mixed with bug bombs. "Just thankful we found that atomic bomb in another mixture before they used it", says Fire Chief.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
New Super-Dooper Walmarts Opening Soon
Will carry new homes, airplanes, big indoor pools, up to 1,000 pound customer shopping vehicles.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
U.N. Votes Against Israel
United Nations votes for Israel to tear down wall, do without supper, go to original boundaries, stand in the corner for an hour and quit acting childish.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Joe Biden: I Am Not Another Dick Cheney
Holds up photo of Cheney beside his own head, drops pants, shoots off mouth instead of shooting anyone in the face, and then shows conclusive DNA evidence!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
President Obama's Food Race
President Obama said that broccoli is his favorite food. He grinned and added "But let me be clear on this. In second place and closing in fast as hell is a hamburger."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 July 2013
Colorado Will Be Rolling In It!
The state of Colorado has just announced that they will be taxing marijuana at an amazing 35 percent. Word is that next week the tax on pizza will also go up to 35 percent.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 July 2013
North Dakota Just Tries A Lot Harder
North Dakota leads the nation in beer drinking. It also leads the nation in Margarita drinking, Frozen Daiquiri drinking, and shivering.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 July 2013
Stacy Keibler Found It Hard To Fake Wrestling
Stacy Keibler said that one of the reasons why she broke up with George Clooney was his insistence of having 6 minutes of wrestling foreplay (with him always winning).
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 July 2013
President Obama and The Percentage Game
President Obama's approval rating has fallen to 44 percent. But that's okay because his give a damn attitude has fallen down to 45 percent.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 July 2013
Weird smell under house
A Ky farmer called sheriff after a foul smell was coming from under their house, since Uncle Pete was missing. However, while search going on Pete shows up with tools to fix leaking bathroom toilet.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
American Company Up 200% in Sales
American Acme say that they cannot keep up with overseas sales of President Obama effigies they want to burn!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
...ye haw!!!
Country singer Randy Travis has had a stroke while in hospital...strange venue really, I usually have one in the lounge while watching Babestation!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 July 2013
Egyptians Arrest Own Police.
Several accused of being gay as they were caught on video taking names and feeling butts.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Mexico #1
Mexico has replaced the U.S. as the fattest nation on earth. Yesterday the border police stopped a semi-tractor truck and found 4 Mexicans stuffed into the trailer.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
We're Number 2 !!
Mexico is now the fattest nation on the earth as the U.S. dropped to #2. Today usually closed-mouth Joe Biden stated "A lot of nations think we're #2 because of all the crap about the NSA recordings."
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Vegas Heat
It was so hot in Las Vegas yesterday that when the guy posing in a Darth Vader outfit & getting bucks from families for pics with kids, his face had reshaped itself till he looked like Darth Vader.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
New Illegals!
Border patrol claims that Mexicans illegals are waiting till after dark when the wind is right and flying across in lawn chairs.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
According to Variety, "The Lone Ranger" could lose up to $157 million.
"No wonder he wore a mask", says movie producer.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Snowden Emerges: Accuses U.S. officials of 'threatening behavior'
Also, "unusual activities". Most think this is the one they are after him for.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
10 things baby boomers won't tell you
Don't ask me, I'm 66. Go ask Snowden!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Bill Clinton: George Bush Sr. Is A Great Guy!
"I've always thought you were a great guy too, Daddy", adds George W. Bush. "Oh shut up!" (Barbara).
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
The World's Most Homoerotic Homphobes Are Storming French Beaches i
Also they're wiggling rumps in front of Gays in thongs. "I knew there had to be a reason for low airfare and hotel rates to come here", says Jimmy Carter to family.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
FDA sets new limits on arsenic in apple juice
Also, how much belladonna allowed in Mr. Pops Sweet Chocolate Drops!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
New CD Goes Immediately To Number One
Snowden Presents: Best of the NSA Recordings. "See if you're on it!"
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Afghan officials skeptical as U.S. mulls complete withdrawal
"We need them in Egypt, Syria", says President Obama, NSA listener.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Fugitive Snowden to meet with human rights groups
According to the sound device planted on member of human rights by NSA.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Boston Strangler Case Solved 50 Years Later
Boston Police Used DNA to Identify Albert DiSalvo As the Boston Strangler! Where previously, the police had thought the Boston Strangler was Albert DiSalvo.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Melting Alaskan Glacier Yields New Remains of Decades-Old Crash
"That big icicle near the pilot looks like Jimmy Hoffa" overheard by NSA.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Report: Actress Remini breaks with Scientology
Now looking onto Frisbyterians, UFO Kidnappers?
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Patriots' Dennard accused of DUI in Nebraska
Number of NFL players arrested since last season nears 100 mark!
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Scandals may no longer end political careers.
Actually, they seem to have given them a boost as many hear their names daily and say, "Hey! That's the guy who fooled all those millionaires out of their money. ALRIGHT!!"
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
US intel braces for more NSA exposure
Half of Senate and Congress ready to resign.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
KA-CHING: Clintons top $100 million giving speeches.#2
Bill Clinton getting $200,000 each time he speaks about his adventures with Monica Lewinsky.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
KA-CHING: Clintons top $100 million giving speeches
Ralph Nader seen speaking and passing the hat in Washington Square.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Maryland May Release Up To 200 Convicted Murderers, Rapists On Technicality.
Hope they are ready for lawsuits whenever these people continue their murder and rape activities.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Teenager passes sexual milestone
SARASOTA, FL--Jake Cavlet, 17, broke his personal record of six encouraging car honks during a makeout session before Jen Dittenhall, 16, insisted they leave the Costco parking lot.
written by rvler9201, 12 July 2013
Rapper says he texts with Obama
NSA: I hope that guy realizes that there are about 200 Obamas around here taking his calls. "George over there can sound just like him."
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Man guilty of killing swimsuit designer
"But he was covering up everything! Everything!"
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
Mich. Democrats introduce 'fracking' safety bills
Former Vice President Dan Quail demands apology for use of such language.
written by Bureau, 12 July 2013
