Polish archaeologists unearth 'vampire grave' near construction site.
"I wouldn't touch it if I were a ten-foot Pole", says construction boss.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Hackers convention ask government to stay away over Snowden
Also stay away from spittoons, slippery flem all over floor. Issue threat that they can also hack anyone, when the igloo totalizes, whenever they like.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Kremlin returns to typewriters to avoid computer leaks
Chinese go back to using abacus! Native Americans go back to smoke signals.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
NBC Still Last Place
Network hasn't recovered since sudden announcement to The Late Show audience that "Johnny Carson has died!". Immediate response from audience: "How dead is he?" Few years later, same with M. Jackson.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Another Toy Recall
All "Mamas Little Suicide Bomber" toys have been recalled by Hasblow.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Latest From The Weather Channel
After Hurricanes and Snow storms given names, beginning in 2014, Fires out of control names will begin with Firestorm Britney!
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Today On Sesame Street
The muppets reenact the Battle of Gettysburg. Kermit to play Robert E. Lee. Miss Piggy IS Mary Todd Lincoln! All Thumbs Up!
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
On Today's History Channel
Hitler pauses his invasion of Europe long enough to invade Eva Braun.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
On Today's Soap Opera
Joey finally tells Ada about affair, Sue is still in hospital after the attack by Joey's evil twin, still thinking it's Joey. Bert has amnesia & Sally's missing. Watch today on any soap, your choice.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
New Survey On Real Dolls For Adults
A new study on men purchasing a Real Doll say that 90% smoke an electric cigarette afterwards.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Prez told reporters to quit calling him "Big Brother" over Spy Acandals
So this morning, Drudge Report referred to Mr. Obama as "Big Bother".
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Dead Man To Get Life?
The tax-evasion conviction of attorney Sergei Magnitsky more than three years after his death in a Russian prison was the first under a new 2011 Russian law allowing posthumous trials.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Gitmo Hunger Strike Ending?
Prisoners said to crack after 90 straight hours of Justin Bieber songs, guards wearing ear plugs. ACLU to take case to court?
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Angry Latin America wants answers on allegations of U.S. spying
"Tell President Obama to get his nose out of the air and look us in the face! We're not up there, we're down here on the ground!"
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Navy completes 1st unmanned carrier landing
It landed on the wrong carrier but it's still a "first".
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
China plans to further restrict car purchases
Plus no car allowed to be manufactured for locals over four-foot long.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Rare giant jellyfish with 25-foot testicles hit CA beach
I'm sorry. That should have been "tentacles". I balled that up.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Hot In Vegas #3
It was so hot in Las Vegas that the guys fanning the prostitute cards were using them to fan themselves instead of handing them out.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Hot In Vegas #2
It was so hot in Las vegas today that over 100,000 tourists joined the 20,000 regulars in cooler underground.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Hot In Vegas!
It was so hot in Las Vegas that casinos closed all slot machines. "They were spitting out money like crazy", says player. "Talk about 'are the slot machines hot'?"
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Death Valley National Park to visitors: Stop frying eggs on the ground.
"And who put that one in the Port-A-Potty? Lady burned her tail!"
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Angry fan sprays Tour de France rider with urine.
Must be really pissed off!
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
STUDY: Omega-3 fish oil supplements may INCREASE risk of prostate cancer -- by 70%.
Vitamin C could CAUSE you to get the flu. Honey worst food ever. Chicken Soup NOT good for colds. Aspirin will GIVE you a headache. Viagra CAUSES shrinkage!
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
The Pope Cracks Down!
"It happens every time I sit down", cracks Francis.
written by Bureau, 11 July 2013
Political Campaign Slogan
Restore Rear-wheel Drive! Vote Republican!
written by The Ruling Authority, 11 July 2013
The NFL May Be Getting Into The Prison Business
Since February, a total of 32 NFL players have been arrested. If this keeps up the NFL may open up its own prison - The NFL Gridiron Bars Prison.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2013
Kirstie Alley Never Met A Snack Food She Didn't Like
Reports out of Tinsel Town are that Kirstie Alley is planning on having a big Welcome Back Hostess Twinkies party at her Hollywood mansion.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2013
Justin Bieber Says He Nearly Pissed On Himself
Justin Bieber took a piss in a New York City restaurant mop bucket. Comedian Zydeco Dupree said "The little punk needs to go back home to Canada and take a pee in his mama's cuisinart."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 11 July 2013
