Taco Bell Making Comeback
Most items are now only $1.00. However, pay toilets $2!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Latest Supreme Court Ruling
Waterboarding not as bad as having to play baseball for Houston. How do we outlaw one without the other?
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Taxes On Pot Sales In Denver Could Top 35 Percent
So who needs pot? Just hold your nose and run up and down a long stretch of steps, for a Rocky Mountain High! "Faaaar out!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Professor releases rare footage of FDR in wheelchair
Riding on horseback!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Ca Senate Passes Bill Permitting Non-Citizen Pole Workers.
Also, none-citizens to be able to arrest border guards as a non-citizen'a arrest!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Obama orders Government spies to spy on each other.
Over 2,000 incidents reported the first day.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Jay-Z Pays Tribute to Notorious DC Hitman With Song
"He was a friend of mine...killed a lot of innocent people but I didn't know 'em so with me was fine!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Ron Paul spoke today against US Spy Network.
"How in the world could the NSA have spied on almost every country in the world and not find Bin Laden for ten years?"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Kardashian. Missing Dog Found In Asscrack!
Says she thought the couch had a Saint Barnard feel to it. Both doing well.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Shop Owners Vote 100% On Second Hour of Daylight Saving Time.
Vampires vote 100% against Two Hours of Daylight Saving Time.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
All Be Half-Blinded
Scientist says that if the whole US went to solar heat, we would be constantly blinded by reflected sun. "No one would fly a plane & 75% would develop migraines. Otherwise, it would be a great idea."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Passenger Shot Dead
A passenger on American Airlines shot to death by an agent after the man freaked out & began acting violent. "For pete's sake", says friend. "Joe inhaled a peanut & yelled 'All I need Heimlich..Dead!'
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Cable announces Royal Mail sell off.
Being a very bad idea George Osbourne got his fag to announce it so he can distance himself later.
written by John_L, 10 July 2013
Joe Biden Upset
Joe "So we have every nation in the world bugged and spies with all kinds of secret info. So how come nobody tells me nothing?"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Cat Poop Can Bring Parasites to Humans
Surgeon General: So, whatever you do, don't eat any cat poop!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Mannequin becomes key witness in George Zimmerman murder trial
Prosecutors accuse defense of cheating, claim that they have ventriloquist in the audience.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Town has 4-year-old boy as mayor
First speech: Don't trust anyone that's reached puberty!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Miley Cyrus Has No Shame
Miley Cyrus (Pantless, in a Tupac T-Shirt) also wearing Liam Hemsworth, sends pics to Playboy?
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
More CO Counties Join Effort To Secede From State, Form 'North Colorado'
More states joining effort to get away from Washington. "We can't live with all the secret recordings. What happened to freedom of speech?"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Ex-President Jimmy Carter Losing It?
Former President Jimmy Carter hauls huge load of peanuts from his farm to UPS store. "Heard you guys were buying peanuts to ship!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
A Fragrance company has come out with a cologne that smells like manure
It's in small bottles and is perfect for a blind date that's not what you envisioned. "Whoa! Did you step in some dog crap?" Guaranteed to work except for farmers.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Old Man Fearing Death Having Visions
"I feel sorry for grandfather", says granddaughter. "He believes in reincarnation and he's always seeing this big bull at the window winking at him."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Immigrant Demands
Study shows that immigrants now entering the United States demand to be paid in Chinese currency at job.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
The Latest In Want Ads
34-year old male working for 11 years at the same boring job. Seeking 25-35 Year-old wife and unemployment with Obama checks for as long as possible.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Paula Deen Keeps Losing Business and Employees
Paula Deen has just fired her publicist. Reports are that next on the chopping block are her gynecologist and her pedicurist.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 July 2013
That's Just Way Too Many Wieners
This year's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest winner won by devouring a total of 69 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Afterwards he was rushed to the hospital where doctors performed an emergency wienerectomy.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 July 2013
No One Likes Meat Loaf That Moves All By Itself
The Golden Corral Restaurant has said that the rumor that they will be adding a new meal item Dumpster Surprise to it's menu list is positively false.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 10 July 2013
Underwater Leak Discovered?
Either there's a natural gas leak down there off Louisiana coast or the zombies are having their annual bath", say New Orleans residence.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
What 3 years of ObamaCare incompetence tells us about the White House
That a lot more of us are heading to India for our operations. Should help the airline industry.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
AP source: Lions, Stafford agree to $53M extension
Stafford: Wait till the wife hears this. They're also raising my salary!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Seven deaths now linked to fake Snow White
That's the way it goes. No one cares for the little people anymore.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Revolutionary blood test could predict how long person will live
One million actuaries to hold protest march to Washington DC to object!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Mexico surpasses USA as world's fattest nation. #2
So that's why so many are coming into the United States secretly...to lose weight!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Judge considers allowing animation of fight.
"We will use a Punch and Judy Show. Call in the puppeteer. Remember, NO MIMES!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Man crashes car into U.S. embassy in Australia.
That's Australia for you, a hotbed for terrorists, kangaroos. President orders CIA to "Hop to it!"
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Obama: Those failing to report co-workers face penalties, criminal charges
"They've given you a number and taken away your name."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
PAPER: NSA collecting data from billions of calls, e-mails in Latin America
In fact, the United States is making friends all over the world. NOT!!!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Police smash into residence of gun activist, deploy flash bang grenade
More news about Egypt...I'm sorry. This took place here.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Obama: Watch co-workers stress, divorce, financial Problems
So you thought you wouldn't be fooled again? "Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Obama tells schoolkids broccoli is his favorite food
Must have lost an entire generation of future voters for that whopper!
written by queen mudder, 10 July 2013
Teeth are plentiful
A Dentist from Luton has extracted his four millionth tooth. When asked why he had so many teeth, he shrugged his shoulders and said "Just lucky I guess." I wonder if he had to drill? Mmmm.
written by whatinthe world, 10 July 2013
NSA Accused of Spying on CIA
Is it me or is our country turning into a Mad Magazine 'Spy Verses Spy' episode daily?
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Mexico surpasses USA as world's fattest nation.
"Well, I've done my part", says 350-pound college football lineman. "I blame the First Lady for this."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Obama orders Fed Workers: Spy On Each Other
"Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Cats Carry Parasites?
Scientists say that some cats carry parasites and they can infect humans causing brain damage, including schizophrenia. "But not my Morrie Sugarbear. He would have told me."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
FBI Nominee Agrees: Waterboarding Is 'Torture' And 'Illegal'
Later overheard by NSA saying "Legal? So is spitting on the sidewalk in Podunk, Alabama."
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Panel: Next Mars Rover Should Gather Rocks, Soil
Also gathering money that should be used to help poor kids in inner city, appalachia have food.
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
Snowden has not yet accepted asylum in Venezuela: WikiLeaks
WikiLeaks is in bed with the NSA, IRS and FBI: Snowden!
written by Bureau, 10 July 2013
