Organic Milk High in Helpful Fatty Acids, Study Finds
For the latest in fatty acids, please check out your local Walmart. You'll see them easily enough.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
FDA approves $1,000-a-day hepatitis C pill
Or, save some money by purchasing FDA approved $20,000 a month special, now through next June 30th!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Ex-San Diego mayor sentenced to home confinement
"Do you mean to tell me that every time I walk into the house he'll be sitting there?", asks wife. "Why do I have to be punished for something HE did?"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
18 LA sheriff's deputies arrested in jail abuse probe
"We are now hiring for the next three months", says Sheriff. "Come on down and fill in an application!"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Torre, Cox, La Russa elected to Baseball Hall of Fame
While Nellie Fox and several others make it into the Baseball Hall of Phlegm!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Federal government sells remaining stake in GM
"And we have split it evenly between Germany and Japan!", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Woman's Christian Temperance Union targeting pot
"We're for flushing everything, all alcohol right down the pot!", says President.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
NASA: Ancient Martian lake may have supported life
Could have also supported Nessie's ancestors.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Ukranians Will Replace Lenin Statue With One of Ukranian Actor Jack Palance
In Kiev, Ukraine, city officials announced that the Lenin statue toppled by rebels will be replaced by one of American-Ukrainian actor Jack Palance doing a one-armed push-up.
written by Al N., 09 December 2013
Purge sends chilling message to NKorea's elite
Either follow our new leader or we will force feed you laxatives till you're down to 90 pounds. However, most say purge is almost complete.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Uphill fight as Kerry defends Iran deal
"It's like this. We told them to stop building nuclear arms and we'd leave them alone. So they agreed and I came home. Then they went back to building nuclear arms. Simple. Why do you keep asking?"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
CARBON POLLUTION IS NUTRIENT
Eastern states want the midwest to improve air. They say that Coal pollution with low pollution reg cause wind carrying carbon soot to go east. The governor of KY responded that carbon is in foods.
written by Keith Shirey, 09 December 2013
China's Big Panda
China announces that they have bred giant Pandas until they have some now that are twenty feet tall!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #228
According to Snoops: The very first "Welcome Wagon" was a big woman in Pennsylvania who brought you a wheelbarrow full of goodies. Then she would give small kids a free ride around the yard.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #544
According to Snoops: When Pres. Teddy Roosevelt stretched the truth about the size fish he caught, a hidden observer said he saw the small fish thru binoculars. T.R: "You were looking thru wrong end."
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #651
According to Snoops: While Larry has never been seen since the Bob Newhart Show, both Daryls have been making good money as Mimes!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
NYC has highest number of homeless children since Great Depression.
Does Washington ever read any reports coming in from America anymore?
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
PUTIN Dissolves State Media
President Obama: You reporters hear that? "Putin dissolves state media."
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Jennifer Aniston has gone and done it again
She chopped off her hair into a short, chic bob and shocked us all. "I won't be able to crap for a week", says Brucey Bass, Interior Decorator and fan. "The shock, Oh my dear Lady!"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Kate Middleton to Release Nude Photo Book
In breaking news, in response to the Ringo Starr book of photographs, Duchess of Cambridge and future Queen Kate Middleton will release of book of her favorite paparazzi shots.
written by Al N., 09 December 2013
Kirstie Alley Tweets That Leah Remini Gave Her AIDS
Kirstie Alley has tweeted that former Scientologist Leah Remini has given her AIDs. Remini tweeted back that Alley had given herpes to everyone in Scientology.
written by Al N., 09 December 2013
Walmart Announces Homeless Employees Will Receive An Extra Hour Off on Their Birthdays
Pleased at the response to their Homeless Employee Tent Sale, Walmart will give their homeless employees an extra hour off on their birthdays. Proof of homelessness required.
written by Al N., 09 December 2013
How the American Dream got downsized!
That would be about the time we all began to be super-sized by the restaurant!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Gay waitress loses job over flip flap
I'm sorry, that should be "trip flop"! "Tip Flap!"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Ugly scene at Brazilian soccer match
Losing team suddenly squats and craps on their foes playing field!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Falling ice crushes cars in Texas
"The 'Ice'of Texas Are Upon You" not being played much on the radio.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Local cops tap cellphone data.
Hackers having fun with placing each incident as "Next door to that doughnut place down there."
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
China Offering A Special Deal
For two weeks only, China is selling U.S. dollars for 75 cents each. Talk to your broker.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #1004
According to Snoops: The only person Caspar Milquetoast the Ghost ever scared was Woody Allen.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #1109
According to Snoops: The first thing ever googled? "Naked midget wrestling"!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Eleven more pilot whales found dead in Florida Keys
State workers refuse to attempt to remove stinking mess!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Hillary? Biden? They'd both be great, Obama says
"But don't rule me out of a third term if an emergency happens."
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Pearl Harbor ceremony marks bombing anniversary
Japanese prankster arrested for setting off firecrackers just as speeches began!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
China expresses regret over South Korea air defense zone
Area also claimed by China, Japan and Vietnam plus is being considered by Cambodia, Taiwan. Could be trouble.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Massive Winter Storm Heads East
In Philadelphia, missing NFL football player found under snowdrift. Docs say he will be OK.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
WalMart Burns in China
First American Walmart opened in China last month, burned to the ground. China officials say they blame low-paid workers.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #867
According to Snoops: Every dog has it's day and usually it's 'Hump Day!'.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #834
According to Snoops: Thomas Edison's last words were: "Turn up that $%$$#@&^% electric heater!"
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #231
According to Snoops: Engineers and scientists agree that what made the Mississippi flow backwards was not New Madrid Fault in very early U.S. earthquake but over 20,000 beaver dams.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
New wealth taking art market to new heights.#3
Picasso's "Eyeball With 37 Tits" sets new record but bid and owner not revealed.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
New wealth taking art market to new heights.#2
Norman Rockwell's "Boy With Tongue Stuck To Parking Meter" brings $250,000!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
New wealth taking art market to new heights.
Andy Warhol Painting of "Old Roy" dog food bags brings $500,000!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Snow falling. In Australia. In summer.
Al Gore invited to see it, flattened by peed off kangaroo!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Eagles Beat Lions in Snowstorm #3
Over 300 fans have to be removed from their seats with salt water.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Eagles Beat Lions in Snowstorm #2
"Next time this happens, we're forcing teams to wear bright colors!" say official.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Eagles Beat Lions in Snowstorm
Three different passes were caught by snowmen along the sidelines.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Sleet, ice, deep freeze hit large swath of USA.
Eagles defeat Lions in snow storm. Or, at least according to what we could see of the game.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
70% Of Calfornia's Doctors Expected To Boycott.
"We're not working for free. Our families need income and we have a lot of student loans to repay."
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
OBAMACARE Plans Exclude Top Hospitals
"Send them through all those that do hundreds a day as fast as you can. The more patients per day will keep them away from those who don't support Obamacare", says NHS.
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
U.S.A. assists North Korean economy
The U.S.A. has been assisting the stabilisation of the North Korean Won, after inflation hit 2000% last month. Drones have been dropping trillions of forged Won banknotes throughout the regime.
written by Auntie Jean, 09 December 2013
Susan Boyle has smelly qui qui disease!
Susan Boyle discovered that she has asparagus disease whilst letting water, it smelt rather strange and her eyes and nose started running too!
written by unknown
Strangers stand in solidarity by way of Facebook likes
GARY, IN--Jerome Blackburn found the strength to continue debating in a religious discussion forum when a total stranger 'liked' two of his posts.
written by rvler9201, 09 December 2013
Ravens Rally Past Vikings 29-26 on Icy Field
Vikings accuse Ravens of switching to ice skates in the second half!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
Family, politicians battle over 'Brand Mandela'.
Get your Mandelo Mango at Baskins & Robbins, Mocha Mandela at Starbucks!
written by Bureau, 09 December 2013
