First Impression of Justin Bieber by Bodyguard on Late Show
"Boy! That is one skinny skinny ass!"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
First Thanksgiving
At the first Thanksgiving, Squanto (Native American name for Squanto) introduced the Pilgrams to a good second use for corncobs. But he should have waited until AFTER the meal.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Pope's Message Does Not Get Blessing From Limbaugh and O'Reilly
Limbaugh and O'Reilly speak out against Pope Francis' income inequality stance. "That's why we go to college. Work hard. And you want it to be taken and given to aliens and lazy?"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Is President Obama a lame duck already?
Rand Paul: No he is a quack! Always was a quack, always will be a quack!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Court allows Obama's Kenyan-born uncle to stay in U.S.
He was ragged and almost starved to death> Sometimesyou just have to put your family first", says sad-eyed President. ("A Saint", comments Nancy Pelosi).
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Synthetic marijuana, other designer drugs enter United States -- legally
So why not produce it for hemp to provide jobs for Americans. President Obama is going to leave a fine legacy at this rate.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Rooney demands transfer!
Wayne Rooney has demanded a transfer because he wants to play for a big club and Everton is his desired target!
written by unknown
Pillsbury Doughboy Sues Kim Jong Un For Stealing Likeness
In breaking news out of Minneapolis, General Mills announced that they would be suing Kim Jung Un on behalf of the Pillsbury Doughboy, aka "Poppin' Fresh," for stealing his likeness.
written by Al N., 05 December 2013
Storm brings sleet, freezing rain, snow, volcano eruption, meteor!
Weather Channel: We will have to admit that we only predicted most of them. Also, they didn't mention mudslides which we predicted so you national people critics don't think you're all that!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Man kills wife, son with crossbow
"Did it make the national news? I mean who has done that in all these many years? A crossbow!"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
BILL RICHARDSON: 'I screwed up' release of U.S. political prisoner in Cuba...
Nice to see someone take the blame of something they have done. It happens so rarely these days.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #1133
According to Snoops: The native Americans didn't waste any of the buffalo they killed including their famous "Shit Pudding".
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #720
According to Snoops: It was the Incas that first came up with the phrase, "Inca dinka do". Now attorneys are using DNA in search of certain Inca progeny. Jimmy Durante relatives may be in for a suit.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfelds Response
"If I were in charge, I'd never back up one bit with the Russians, Chinese, Anyone. They will never respect us until we do. Of course when facing a crazy man is in charge, I'd think about it first."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Russian force trains to counter militants from Syria: Chechen leader
More terrorists slipping into Russia now than the United States. This next one must be a biggy.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Wonder Bra cast for Batman and Superman film
I'm sorry, that should be "Wonder Woman cast for Batman and Superman film". I was just thinking about the man-boobs on those two old men by now.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
La La La La Lola! (I'm Going Crazy)
Due to the influence of modern music, people who can't get a song out of their head like "Row, row,row your boat" have switched to "Lola La la la la Lola" Lola, LaLaLa Loli, Loli, lalala Lola, Lola.."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #868
According to Snoops: During the first Thanksgiving, Squanto ( Native American name meaning 'Squanto') showed pilgrims further use of corncobs after they have been cleaned of corn.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #414
According to Snoops: Don't purchase paint from China as there is lead in the paint. Also in their paint remover.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Warning: Robots May Stall in Surgery.
Well that's certainly helpful. Will they have back-up robots? I guess we're figuring all human doctors have left for other countries by than.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Scientists Discover 400,000-Year-Old Human DNA.
And you really believe humans could keep from wiping themselves off the earth in 400,000 years? We could be gone today!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Karzai accuses USA of killing civilians in drone strike.
"No innocent people were killed before US came here. We were one big happy nation."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Sharpton, Simmons Launch Campaign To Stop 'Knockout Game'.
Well, that's one way to increase it. Be sure to keep it in the news. What usually happens when teens warned against something?
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
PROF: Obama's 'become the very danger the Constitution was designed to avoid'.
Do I hear the whispers of impeachment coming from more and more places?
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Wind causes chaos on the M6
An Aldi truck carrying own-brand preserves has been tipped over on the M6 in today's high winds. Onlookers said the jam was awful.
written by IainB, 05 December 2013
World's largest ship: Bigger than Empire State Building!
Weather Channel predicting a couple of months of rain. Al Gore happy as a lark!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Amsterdam offers deal for alcoholics: Work for beer...
Thus far, over seventeen have been hit from staggering out into traffic while picking up trash.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Pension Threats in Illinois, Detroit Rattle Government Workers...
May as well join the crowd, with the rest of us workers.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
STUDY: Holiday Season Brings Out Worst In Drivers.
Seven car collision at one empty parking space near front door of Walmart!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Dementia epidemic looms!
That's what happens when a nation's leaders flip out first.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
PUPDATE: Cuba won't budge on jailed American contractor...
"You're not going to do anything about it so why should we?"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
President calls on bartenders to host happy hours.
Twenty-four hours a day. "Good way to forget your troubles" say bartenders.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Physician warns 'chaos' for doctors.
Many may move out, change professions. People waiting for months to see doctor who sends them, more months, to specialist in India?
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
REPORT: President met with Sebelius only ONCE in three years leading up to Obamacare launch.
And we wonder why the system keeps shutting down.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Team Obama Changes Course, Appears to Accept China Air Defense Zone.
So Japan can now forget help from the United States also. Do we have any friends left?
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Chinese State Media Brags of Plan to Establish "Death Star" Moon Base
Russia, U.S., EU and India may establish their own
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
PAPER: Global-warming 'proof' evaporating.
Al Gore, Michael Moore will have to come up with new ways to make millions!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Obama Youth Turn On Obama
"This is great", says Hillary Clinton. "He's trying to ruin it for me. Now I'll have to say 'I'm no George Bush or Barack Obama!"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
500 job losses on Autumn Statement
George Osbourne's big gimmick to get rid of physical car tax disks has been met with an angry response from small businesses that make tax disk holders. Approximately 500 people will lose their jobs.
written by John_L, 05 December 2013
Lady Ga Ga Announces Next Album Will Be Country
Because of a poor showing on the charts by her latest album, Lady Ga Ga announced that she will be releasing a country album with Taylor Swift named for the Roger Miller classic "Do Wacka Do."
written by Al N., 05 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #655
According to Snoops: L.L. Bean now have outdoor pants with thirty seven pockets!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
Gambia Changes Name
Gambia announced today that it has changed its name to Gam Bia! "The River Nation!" Motto: "Bring an old inner tube or rent one here!"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2013
