Cardinal Baloney Attacks Onanism
The NY Prelate said that masturbation is the gravest sin of all. "Sperm is Holy Seed. It is infused with soul as it forms God says. Spilling seed is worse than spilling Jesus' blood at Mass" he said.
written by Keith Shirey, 27 December 2013
"Privacy," What's That?
Teens are texting, sexting, selfing, posting intimate details, give out e-mails & don't care if corporations, advertisers, the NSA has access to personal info. Now, only 5% can define "privacy."
written by Keith Shirey, 27 December 2013
Don't Eat Falafels At Airports
A man who was studying Arabic was arrested by TSA-FBI for flash cards w/ words like "house" and "tree." The agents said that if people have falafels or hummis on them they too would be detained
written by Keith Shirey, 27 December 2013
Let Them All Eat Cake
When told that non-violent low level drug offenders can't get jobs, contrary to law, which leads to hungry & homelessness, Sen. Ted Cruz R-TX said, "Don't bother me none. No one else can find work."
written by Keith Shirey, 27 December 2013
Woman Stabs Fiance Over Wedding Colors
A woman stabbed her fiance over the color of wedding napkins. The injury was slight, the charges dropped, and the 2 are reconciled. However they now face choosing the color of the wedding gown.
written by Keith Shirey, 27 December 2013
Hound wins Strictly Come Dancing Christmas show
This adds to Pudsey's 'Britons got Talent' victory and is the perfect publicity for his upcoming film.
written by John_L, 27 December 2013
China rejects shipments from USA of genetically modified corn.
Nobody wants it so we may as well use it for whiskey. That will kill anything it might cause.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
U.S. judge says NSA phone data program is lawful
Then retires from the bench and gets ready to move to an island in the Pacific.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Take the Kids to the Zoo Again
There they had some hot dogs with mustard and looked at the animals. More Top Stories as We Get Them!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
New Record on Cyber Shopping This Year!
"Most of the orders came from people who apparently also shopped a lot at Target", says one Company.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Python Kills Security Guard Near Luxury Hotel#2
Python claims that he thought it was a Bed and Breakfast!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Python Kills Security Guard Near Luxury Hotel
Wonder what they have hanging around the Hampton Inns in that area?
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Man Fistfights Crocodile to Save Child
PETA objects that crocodiles were never taught how to use their fists.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #861
According to Snoops: If you were born in 1943 you might as well have been born in 1944 as the country was in a major war, used ration stamps wore the same shoes and went on paper drives.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #296
According to Snoops: The voice that was speeded up to sing Alvin's part in The Chipmunks Christmas Song, was none other than Tennessee Ernie Ford.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #093
According to Snoops: There are only two different ingredients from plastic and cool whip. In fact, your insides hardly know the difference.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
New Book Published
'Soil Aeration and Composting' by co-authors Anna Lidd and Eartha Wurme
written by The Ruling Authority, 27 December 2013
Scientology declared a religion by the UK Supreme Court.
Yodeling declared a religion in Switzerland. Consumerism declared a religion in U.S.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Judge: NC possum drop allowed to go on
"This is a win for George Jones fans! "Remember George, Drop A Possum!"
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
The 'Prancing Elites,' an all-male dance team, 'appalls' parade goers
Team of five men in short shorts say they were inspired by Richard Simmons.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Disease suspected in Utah die-off of bald eagles
Disease being called "Windmill Energy Blades" Disease by locals who continue to see blades exploding birds.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Lights out! Your 60-watt incandescent bulb is going away
Being replaced by bulbs that say 7-years on package and you might get too. Also, filled with mercury!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Sick of Obamacare drama? Health-care politics are just getting started, experts say
As more and more doctors considering dropping insurance acceptance, cut prices in half for cash and save money on paperwork.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Poll: Americans hopeful for a better year in 2014
But not expecting much after the past two administrations!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Thank you Castro Brothers!
Lack of customers dooms many Cuban businesses! This is how great socialism is doing, Mr. Obama.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Obama reversal on health plan gets mixed reviews
But then, so does every thing else he does!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Is Andrew Johnson the worst president in American history?
Not according to poll: The past four we've had push Jackson to #5 at least.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
China must retaliate for Japan PM shrine visit: media
Boy, the season of peace sure went by fast this year!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Man arrested after filming himself installing bathroom camera.
Friends became suspicious after he kept inviting all families with good-looking daughters, wives.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Greenwald to MSNBC: I Defend Snowden Like You Defend Obama.
Many Americans already calling MSNBC the "Obama Network". "It's like Tass in the old Soviet Union!", says Conservative,
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Hospital Bans Carolers From Singing Religious Songs On Christmas.
Patience promise to sing their lungs out! Some doctors, nurses aids doing the same. "Gonna fire all of us?", asks doctor.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Chicago Considers Bike Tax
New York considering pedestrian tax. California considering a skate board tax, Mississippi: A coon hound tax!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Kermit the slob
Celebrity muppet, Kermit the Frog, has been arrested in Las Vegas,charged with possession of illicit drug substances (believed to be crystal meth) and sexual harassment. Oh, come on! A frog? Really?
written by whatinthe world, 27 December 2013
Raving nutters threatened with extinction
A record low number of City centre yelling lunatics is thought to be due to an increase in abductions by "Close Encounters" type spacecraft.
written by Auntie Jean, 27 December 2013
The Little Fellas Are In Darn Good Shape
Some bullfrogs have been known to jump over a Cadillac Escalade SUV.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2013
Hold The Mustard?
Due to the Mustard Seed Scandal, the USDA is considering putting a warning label on all Mustard bottles.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2013
Michelle Obama Is One Tough Cookie
Before going to Princeton and Harvard to study law, Michelle wanted to become a professional wrestler.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2013
Taylor Swift Started Real Early
Taylor wrote her very first song at the young age of two. It was called "Mommy, Have You Seen My Tickle Me Elmo Doll?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2013
Olé David
David Letterman owns 90 percent of a piñata factory in Tijuana, Mexico.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 December 2013
Woman stabs sister in fight over apple fritters.
Well I can certainly understand that. I mean, it's her apple fritters. You let one get by with it and you'll never get another one.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
President Obama signs budget agreement, defense bill
Also signs golf scorecard. Turns himself down for Obamacare!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Exploded ship stuck in Antarctic ass buttered by buzzards
I'm sorry. That should read: Explorer ship stuck in Antarctic ice battered by blizzards.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Mariah Carey dons little red bikini to walk dog
Dog dies from embarrassment as she had one on her too.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Workers fire back over delivery delays
"Take all your late sending packages and cram them up where the sun don't shine!"
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
NBC: Recession hangover: The economy's improving, so why doesn't it feel like it?
Because we're in debt over our heads, the docs are moving out of some states and so are insurance companies.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #077
According to Snoops: Tom Dooley's own mother told friends that she had warned her son not to be hanging around that old white oak tree.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Back Breaking Work In Hard Times
Workaholic dad complains that he not only lays on the sidewalk wearing dark glasses and selling pencils all day, early mornings he slips into casinos & gathers credit left in slots to feed his family.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Winter Is Officially Here
During freezing ice in northeast, firemen once again freeing dogs pissing on fire hydrants.
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
Americans Totally Fed Up With Congress
Not very happy with President's Obamacare. Nobody may vote in 2014!
written by Bureau, 27 December 2013
