Kim Jung Um Calls In Fukushima Dalichi Company
N. Korea has started producing fuel rods for its new nuclear reactor. Dear Leader Um said all would go well because Tepco of the Fukushima Dalichi nuclear power plant in Japan is giving advice.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Can't Belieb it--Bieber retiring
In yet another example of life imitating spoof, Justin Bieber announced his retirement. It's unclear, however, if he'll put an end to bringing pet monkeys to Germany or urinating in front of others.
written by Lyndon, 25 December 2013
Scientists Ordered to feed Animals in Alaska!
New 'Climategate' judgement: Scandalized scientists broke the law by hiding data from global warming sceptics. Alaska now "up to our ass" in polar bears and penguins.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Up, Up & Away In My Beautiful Balloons (& Lawn Chair)
Hot air coming up from Washington DC launch man flying over in lawn chair and balloons toward Alpha Centaury.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Flying Over Arizona Like The Phoenix Rising
Man in flying lawn chair floated by helium balloons carries BB gun & scatter shotgun. "Kids sometimes pop balloons from the ground. Also hit me in the ass. This scatter gun should send them running."
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Don't Go That Way!
PETA now placing parrots in cages around windmill energy to tell Eagles "Don't Fly That Way!"
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
California Ahead As Usual
Nursing and Old Folks Homes in California permitted to add a little LSD to boomer patients to mix with their Ensure.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Writer of Young Adult Paranormal Sex Is Rich
Bill Loftus said that he thought he'd get wealthy. "Kids do it on the internet, by e-mails, cells, selfings, & porn. They just do artificial sex, can't do the real thing. I knew they'd buy my books."
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
President Gets Serious With VP
"Joe, how come my hair keeps getting whiter while yours never changes?"
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Obama to first lady and America: Let's all 'love our neighbors'
"You mean old Joe Biden and his wife? You must be kidding."
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Pope gives first Christmas Day address:
"May the sun never set on the top of old Mountain Boogers!" Makes speech in 34 languages saying much the same thing, before he says it in his own.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
The Grinch wore brown: UPS takes heat after failing to deliver gifts on time
"I'll tell you something else that's brown", stated worn-out worker to reporters at the UPS Headquarters!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
"I will not go back on anything I said!"
Duck Dynasty star breaks his silence, wind!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Snippets Presents: Ask A Plumber
When do you think the world will end? Plumber: I plumb don't know!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
The price of a stamp is about to go up -- and more so than expected.
First class stamps will be $2.00 starting on January 26th. Loans available at low interest rates.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Dad gives daughter ultimate gift
It's a no-limit credit card! "Christmas only comes once a year", says worried-looking John Hyde.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Gov. Perry Says "Wait And See"
The EPA found enough methane in houses near fracking sites to blow them up but Tex.Rangers chased the EPA away under Gov. Perry's orders. "Them Feds is never right, they ain't blowed up yet," he said.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Scientists Amazed at Patient
One Dick Bratcher has drawn so far back within himself he can only respond as an amoeba.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #486
According to Snoops: The first version of "A Bicycle Built for Two" was "A Popsickle Built for Two".
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
President Obama has Embarrassing Situation
Having heavy shorts after water dunking while skiing, shorts fall off in this widely circulated photograph: .....Well, try Drudge Report or 24-hour FOX Pay for View.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Duck Dynasty's Robertson Turns Down Offer
After being asked several times to take over for Alex Trebek on Jeopardy.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Local Parents beginning to Sweat
Right after their 33-year-old's daughter's fourth "Coming out" Party!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Movie Magazines & Entertainent
Still cannot agree if Phyllis Diller is dead or not.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
According to Snoops: #333
True facts: After careful study of students, if your name is Merdle it might as well be Turtle. Either get to moving faster or get used to it.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
"They've Finally Discovered Us, Pecos"
An audit in DC reveals there is a U.S. Department of Stagecoach Transport. All 12 given a bonus and told it was shutting down after the past 200 years.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Man overboard
In the coarse of robbing every rich industrialist in the country, Mr Barry Walters has been awarded the first prize in a Which Father Has the Best Legs competition. F..k me that c..t has got a nerve.
written by whatinthe world, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #881
According to Snoops: Although being a "One-Hit Wonder" can still bring in plenty of dough in music, this is not so in the game of baseball!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #174
According to Snoops: Hearing Specialists say they have now confirmed that the longer a couple are married, the more likely husbands will allow conversation go in one ear and out the other!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
GOP Serves Cake At Marie Antoinette Mission
Thanks to the House GOP, no extension of jobless benefits for Christmas and increased homelessness, but Rep. Boehner served cake at the Marie Antoinette Mission in his Ohio home town of Scroogeburg.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Vice Presidents Can Be More Fun To Do Reports On!
In a strange incident from modern history, the same person whom Vice President Gerald Ford hit with a golf ball was the person that Dick Chaney shot in the face!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Government Warning to Americans
Since more and more Americans are eating lobster, the FDA warns citizens not to lean over too close to lobsters in tanks to pick out one as several have had their nose crushed.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #447
According to Snoops: Contrary to tradition, King Kong did not have a bigger brother named King Dong!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
American's Top Phobia
Although Americans greatest fear is still that of Public Speaking, the number two now that the kids are back home, is walking into your parents bedroom while they are having sex.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
The Remains of the Day
Skeletons found all over Iraq are now believed to be those of Saddam Husseins friends and relatives who were buried by his enemies in their own spider holes!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Ghosts Of Gays Moon Queen's Representative
Alan Turin won WW II because of code-breaking. He got a "royal pardon of mercy" for having sex w/ another man read at his gravesite where the ghosts of he & his partner mooned the Queen's spokesman.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Breaking News: Glitches Hits Obamacare Again
They are now being referred to as the Glitches That Stole Christmas in many headlines around the world.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
U.N. Offers Help
The United Nations have agreed to furnish huge buoys around countries to warn of Tsunami. Once it rings, people have ten seconds to head for higher ground.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Presidential Stats
The most foul-mouthed President was Richard Nixon. The least: Jimmy Carter who once got so upset over the hostages held in Iran he once stated, "Hecky Dern" twice.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True facts from Snoops #228
According to Snoops: Mexico has been turned down seven times from joining the European Union.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True facts according to Snoops: #427
According to Snoops: Whoopi Goldberg's mother claims she knows the exact day, hour and minute Whoopi was conceived. "I yelled at the time: WHOOPI!"
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #909
According to Snoops: The state of Georgia came from East and West Carolina which disappeared!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #447
According to Snoops: The Wizard of Oz movie had to take several extra shots because Toto kept pissing on the Tin Man's leg.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
President, Pope ask others to spread the Joy!
Target Stores: We've certainly helped spread a lot.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Lots of Extra Gifts Received
Many in US surprised by all the extra gifts someone sent them from Target! "Even my mother-in-law who hasn't spoken to me in years sent me a great gift from Target", says guy in Minnesota.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Mark Lowton Considers Offer
Chinese company offers to purchase snippets from The Spoof's Mark Lowton, to use in fortune cookies.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
President tells reporters he hopes for peace on earth too
"Meanwhile, stay away from the greens as we're trying to concentrate on these next few putts."
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Kim urges N. Korea military to bolster combat readiness
"Second verse, same as the first...I'm Kim the Eighth I am..."
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Bomb attacks on Christians in Baghdad kill 37
I guess when we're all dead, there will finally be peace. Unless the cockroaches attack each other.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Pope's Christmas wish: hope for a better world
The twentieth year in a row that the Pope and Miss America have announced this. Keep on keeping on!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
MCDONALD's website tells employees: Don't eat fried foods.
But it's OK to sell items if they have no more sense that order it.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
The Truth For Dummies
Floor dummies in many leading stores have recording devices in heads, video recorders in eyes.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Santa's sleigh barely dodges Drone.
"I'll be more ready next year", he states. "Those who are naughty will be shot in the face."
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Santa Claus shot with pellet gun at DC toy giveaway
Rudolph's head and antlers found hung on Ted Nugent's wall. (uses lit nose to see how to clean rifle).
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Pentagon Spent $85M For Tobacco Products
In the past fiscal year reports reveal that the Pentagon spent that for private tobacco contractors. Not yet confirmed is that the U.S. Military cost for removal of cigarette warning labels was $22M.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Court Nixes Laws Against Prostitution
The Canadian court said that laws against whoring were void. TV news producers and boradcasters who interview relatives of dead crime victims just after their deaths were heaving a sigh of relief.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
McDonalds Tells Employees To Avoid Fast Foods
Without irony, a bulletin to workers says that "fast foods are typically high in calories, fat, saturated fat, sugar, and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight,"
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Fox News Covers The Birth Of Jesus
Fox News commentators confirmed that Jesus, who was born today, was definitely white.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
The FBI Said "It's A Wonderful Life" Was Communist
The Bureau also said that "Lassie Come Home" advanced the cause of bestiality.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
A Little Palin Oversight
Turns out she has not even read the anti-gay remarks she's been defending from Duck Dynasty. "I'm not surprised, I haven't either," said fellow duck show defender, Rev. Mike Huckabee.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
The Name Change Was A Rock Solid One
The very first time that the Rolling Stones performed in a concert, they used the name The Bouncing Peebles.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Paul McCartney Reveals Some Insight
Paul McCartney has confessed that the Beatles song "Penny Lane" was not really written about the street in Liverpool but about his third grade teacher whom he had a tremendous crush on.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
The Old West Was No Place For A Kid
Wild West outlaw Billy The Kid hated his nickname and actually preferred the name Billy The Dude.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Jay Leno Will Never Need A Ride
Jay Leno has an extensive vehicle collection which includes over 100 automobiles, 90 motorcycles, a World War II Japanese two-man submarine, a Good Year blimp, and a Czechoslovakian aircraft carrier.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Clint Eastwood Is Back!
Clint Eastwood who is 83, plans to revise his movie role he created in The Dirty Harry series. Word out of Tinsel Town is that the movie will be called The Return of The Old-As-Hell Dirty Harry.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
How Much Wood Would A Woodchuck Chuck If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?
David Letterman has admitted that back during his college days he once kissed a woodchuck just for the hell of it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Over, Under, Sideways, Down
The 60's British band The Yardbirds was originally known as The Bloomin' Peacocks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Adele Finally Speaks Out
Adele says she is tired of all of the fat jokes and wishes that people would focus on something else - like her perfectly shaped mouth.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
It Was All Just A Matter of Taste
Bourbon Street in New Orleans was originally going to be called Daiquiri Drive.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
The Document Printer Inadvertently Left Out One Little Word
The official name of the Panama Canal is The Panama Hat Canal.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Octomom Needs The Octomoney
Nadya Suleman has said she is considering making a second porn movie. This one will be called, My Three True Loves - Me, Myself, and I.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Bristol Palin Didn't Fall Far From The Nut Tree
Bristol Palin commented on the Phil Robertson Duck Dynasty issue. Which shows that Bristol is just like her mother when it comes to forcing herself on the American public.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Father Knew Best
The great Sioux Chief Sitting Bull's first name became Sitting after his father decided to drop the "h" between the "S" and the "i."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Both Names Stood Out
The original name of the Titanic was the Boobanic.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
The Famed Letterman Gap
David Letterman denies that the gap between his teeth is getting bigger. He did reveal though that his mouth has gotten a lot smaller.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 December 2013
Miley Cyrus Speaks
" I guess that me and Lindsay--based on the amount of space given to us in the press--are what America's all about! it won't be the same with Justin retiring. But there's sure to be a replacement."
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
2013 Is All But Gone
"It can't be soon enough for me," said Pres. Obama recovering from the horrible intro of Obamacare. As he spoke, Michelle spread suntan oil on his Hawaii- vacation-burned body bought through the ACA.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
It Takes More Than 2 Minutes!
Gwen Iful of the PBS Newshour said tonight that the next show would examine the "History of the U.S. in world affairs and its role in the world today." The segment will take about ten minutes.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
It Takes More Than 2 Minutes!
Gwen Iful of the PBS Newshour said tonight that the next show would examine the "History of the U.S. in world affairs and its role in the world today." The segment will take about ten minutes.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Santa Spies For NSA, Elves & Reindeer for KGB
When he makes his rounds spying tonight Santa is a NSA agent. But under KGB control, the elves and reindeer, led by the traitor Rudolph, will cause Santa's spying gear to malfunction.
written by Keith Shirey, 25 December 2013
Why Not Helping At Holiday Ice Storm
A member of a huge electric company stated that the reason they were so slow getting the power back on after this weeks's ice storm was because they kept busting their asses on the ice.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Santa's First Christmas Eve Since Taking the Pledge
Santa Claus says he feels like a whole new man since quitting alcohol last February. "I never wanted to repeat a Christmas Eve like last year. I got my insurance cancelled I had so many accidents!"
written by Al N., 25 December 2013
You Need A Break!
Wall Street having extra room built on that they will fill with nitrous oxide so that when stock market suffers huge drop, anyone can run in & laugh their asses off instead of blowing their heads off!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
Social Security Main Office Hacked
"We're in a world of Sh*t now!", says spokesman. "We will begin sending out new ones immediately after Holidays! Nothing to worry about!" (BANG!!)
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #703
According to Snoops: The poet Percy Bysshe Shelley hated writing poetry but wrote it for all the money it was bringing in plus all the groupies!
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #336
According to Snoops: In the early days of The Wheel of Fortune competition was tough, so Vanna White wore a bikini and hand carried all the letters over to the board.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #449
According to Snoops: Although General Custer was buried as soon as possible after soldiers found him, it took 2 days to pull out the 200 or so arrows.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
JITTERS: Falling Clothes Rack At MACY'S Prompts Panic, Gunman Fears.
Several heading for bathrooms once everything settled back down.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2013
