Times Are Hard
Quaker Cereal 3Q profit climbs once again for third straight as sales improve. Weak economy have American people reduced to eating oatmeal three times a day.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Parents Stage Famous Movie Scenes Using Their Baby #5
"Burble bee poytay!" ..."What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" "Poo to tay ree!"
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Santa Claus shot with pellet gun at toy giveaway in Southeast
Police say pellets came from across the street according to witnesses. However, they also said he was green and had a very small heart.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
By Sci-Fi Standards, Newest Robots May Disappoint
But so do the natural bodies of most real men and women.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Live Video: Astronauts Repair Space Station
Just keep watching this snippet as the live pictures begin to turn up!
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Winning Veterans' Trust, and Profiting From It
Older veterans are being talked into paying for services or investments and signing long-term housing contracts by crooks. Navy Vets say they may bring back keel-hauling!
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Economist Weighs in on Deadweight Loss of Christmas
Joel Waldvogel first weighed on on the deadweight loss of Christmas. His observations belie the ever expanding waistlines of the American people in the two weeks the comprise Christmas vacation.
written by Smart Blonde Bimbo, 24 December 2013
Santa forgets his sack!
He's gone AWOL and he's got the sack!
written by unknown
Data Theft At the Casino
It wasn't coins or tokens this time, it was data. Thieves took the data, only to find out that Americans were worthless all along and totally unusable.
written by Smart Blonde Bimbo, 24 December 2013
Cardnial Baloney Rejects New Biblical Scripture
Roman Catholic scholars say that a Christian document found in Nazereth is authentic & was written by a woman, NY's Cardinal Baloney said, "Not possible! They tied His sandals and shine my shoes!"
written by Keith Shirey, 24 December 2013
Estonia is an unlikely land of cutting-edge technology
Liechtenstein says that their scientists may have a robot on Mars by 2015.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Kim Showing Off Again
As parade of weapons and troops go by, several tanks fire into crowd to keep them cheering and paying attention.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Vets return to streets to reach the homeless
The homeless vets will at least listen to those who have gone through the same war(s).
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
AK-47 rifle designer Mikhail Kalashnikov dies at 94
Tripped while carrying recent upgraded model and shot himself 117 times.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Beggers Belief
Did you know that SAS operatives do not believe in Christmas?
written by Backandtotheleft, 24 December 2013
U.S. Testing New Warrior Robots!
PLO testing out new robot rock throwing robot. N. Korea testing new Roadrunner, Wile E. Coyote Robots.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
The Meaning Of Christmas
Did you know that "Christmas" comes form the Latin words "Christ" and "Mass" meaning "Fear of being chased down the street by a giant Jesus
written by Backandtotheleft, 24 December 2013
Israel launches airstrike in Gaza
In response to bus explosion in Israel. If keeping score, that's the 1,000th exchange since 1967.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Calling All Last-Minute Obamacare Shoppers!
"We have another jam-up from so many cancels! So we shut it down again."
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
McDonald's Tells Workers To Avoid Fast Food
"Eating this stuff every day will knock ten years off your life."
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Pope's Approval Rating Soars
Especially with Catholics! Not too bad with general population.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #677
According to Snoops: Sherlock Holmes never used the phrase "Elementary, My dear Watson!" in any of Doyle's stories. However, Holmes did use the phrase "thick as a brick".
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #189
According to Snoops: Since a lobster's claws are strong enough to crack a hickory nut, lobster fisherman wear special gear that keeps them from dropping one down the front of their pants
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #797
According to Snoops: The term "chickenshit" was invented by those who constantly crossed the road for those who won't.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #717
According to Snoops: New Diet works say dentists who implant a "sour tooth" to overcome sweet one.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
True Facts From Snoops #804
According to Snoops: A gang in Poland became so disgusted with themselves after bank they robbed was a sperm bank, they turn themselves in to police.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
NSA snooping hounds Obama
As he finds out what the rest of the world really thinks about him.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Obama enrolls for health coverage, won't use it
"There are a whole lot better plans for us with better pay."
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Results of 2013 Spring Uprising
Middle Eastern Countries say they can no longer trust the United States.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Obama signs order for federal worker pay raises in 2014.
While regular in private sector lose jobs, insurance.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Family's Front Door Kicked In, Christmas Gifts Stolen While At Church.
This happens every year. The crooks take advantage of decent families lives. This type of headline makes it's round every year, just different places.
written by Bureau, 24 December 2013
Rudolph Mistaken For A Drone?
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer came under heavy fire during a practice run over Colorado. Hunters apparently mistook him for a drone. Fortunately for everyone involved, he was not hit.
written by Smart Blonde Bimbo, 24 December 2013
North Korea Sends Fax to South Korea
Apparently, North Korea was poised to attack South Korea and faxed them with the threat. Unfortunately, no one in South Korea has a fax machine any more so what the fax said is a mystery.
written by Al N., 24 December 2013
Sarah Palin Leaves Huge Tip, Goes Back and Gets It
Sarah Palin said, "Let me tell you a funny story!" and told how she thought she had left a dollar on the table for a tip and had actually left a ten. "I don't want to let them get lazy!" she joked.
written by Al N., 24 December 2013
Pussy Riot Members Released From Prison
The leader of the group Maria Alyokina was asked by a member the press, upon her release, what the group would do now. "Sergikins, You don't know our name?" she scoffed.
written by Keith Shirey, 24 December 2013
U.S. Softens Deadline For Afghan Deal
Sec. Kerry said he wanted to talk a security deal with the Afghan Pres., "when he came down a little." Since Karzi has held the office, opium production has increased 2,000 per cent.
written by Keith Shirey, 24 December 2013
U.S. Softens Deadline For Afghan Deal
Sec. Kerry said he wanted to talk a security deal with the Afghan Pres., "when he came down a little." Since Karzi has held the office, opium production has increased 2,000 per cent.
written by Keith Shirey, 24 December 2013
Santa Clause Wiretapped by NSA
In breaking news, it was discovered that Santa Claus, that jolly old elf, has been wiretapped by the National Security Agency for years, in hopes of discovering where he keeps his naughty list.
written by Al N., 24 December 2013
Palin, Cruz Defend Dynasty Ducker
Robertson has attacked millions of blacks and gays on show was defended by Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, & Hannidy who said that it was his 1st amendment right to have a show on TV! He should stay forever!
written by Keith Shirey, 24 December 2013
The Dirty Camels of Dubai
Dubai's Annual Camel Races have been cancelled after it was discovered that four of the camels tested positive for performance enhancing drugs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Las Vegas On The Verge of Bankruptcy
Casino owners say they need more suckers, ah make that tourists.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Sarah "The Math Whiz" Palin?
Sarah Palin has said that the Brontosaurus dinosaur tracks that were recently discovered outside of Fairbanks, Alaska are at least 315 years old.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Obamacare Reaches Record Low
Individuals whose last names begin with the letters X,Y, or Z will not be allowed to participate in Obamacare.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Holland Says Adios To Neptune
Holland has just stated that they have lost all interest in sending a manned space ship to Neptune.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Ann Coulter Has Had People Wondering For Quite Some Time
Ann Coulter said she is so proud of Megyn Kelly that she would kiss her on the mouth except that people would then assume that she was a lesbianite.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Cracker Barrel Changes Its Stance On Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson
The restaurant chain adds that they will soon be changing their name from The Cracker Barrel to The Flip-Flop Barrel
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
The Wrath of Anderson Cooper
Anderson Cooper said he is so furious at Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson that he wants to slap him on his beard.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Pot-Kettle
Gary Busey told Jay Leno that those Duck Dynasty fellas are one weird as hell bunch.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
The Resemblance Is Uncanny
Angelina Jolie commented on Megyn Kelly's remark that Santa Claus is white by saying that the devil is blonde and he looks exactly like Megyn Kelly.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 December 2013
Another Preble Branch Discovered
Descendant of Commodore Preble's brother ecstatic that he chose to make love, not war--offspring bred like rabbits and weren't very discriminatory.
written by Smart Blonde Bimbo, 24 December 2013
