Gervais Scandal
RICKY GERVAIS VISA REVOKED
Outrageous comeadian Ricky Gervais had his visa revoked today.President Obama has denied he gave the order but added that Gervais was "Nothing but a big fat wanker"
written by Masheded, 20 January 2011
Strike A Light
Residents of the state of Queensland in Australia have been encouraged to light bush fires to dry the state out by state president Anna Bligh.
written by iscrivener, 20 January 2011
Venus copies her sister and flashes it!
The Williams sisters love flashing their bums down-under, last year it was Serena, this year Venus, who gives a bum, we men (hetero) love it!
written by unknown
New Tunisian Gov. Upbeat or Beatup?
New Tunisian government upbeat after first meeting which drew only 5 or 6 thousand protesters.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
BBC Bent Admission
BBC TV Sport have admitted that they had to dub the Darren Bent post transfer interiew after Bent could only say to reporters "me me me me me me me me me me me me...!" at Villa Park.
written by iscrivener, 20 January 2011
London 2012 Olympics is a lie!
The head of world Atheltics has called the London Olympics a lie because Seb Coe never divulged the truth, which is a lie, he's right!
written by unknown
Pirates Had Limited Food Supply
According to recent discoveries, pirates used to eat a lot of dried fruit on the seas plus drank a lot of rum. That's why so many of them wound up as fruitcakes.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Baroness Warsi is a Muslim or is she not?
It seems the first Muslim cabinet minister, Baroness Warsi, has some problems being one in the UK. Someone please tell her that the UK is still a Christian state and Muslims love bombing Christians!
written by unknown
Vick Still Having Problems
Even though he brought the Philadelphia Eagles into the NFL play-offs this year, controversy continues to dog the footsteps of Quarterback Michael Vick.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Man Eats Out for First Time in 15 Years, Gets Upset that Fries Are Not French Anymore
A man, eating out for the first time in 15 years at a Wendy's, demanded French fries, which are fries that fall down and surrender when they you stood up in their holders, not to stay standing.
written by mikewadestr, 20 January 2011
Jobs Still #1 Priorty With Voters
Home building stuck near 50 year lows. Realtors ask Clinton to tell Obama, "It's the economy, stupid".
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Expecting PETA Spray Paint
Tucson restaurant to offer African lion tacos...polar bear tongue.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Tough On Crime!
FBI Rounding Up 100 Mobsters in Biggest Mafia Bust in New York History. "And let this be a warning to the other 100,000!", stated Mayor Bloomberg.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Jo - Man arrested
A 32 year old man, previously disguised as a 65 year old former teacher, has been arrested in the inquiry into the death of Jo Yeates, the victim of a strangler found dead in Bristol of Christmas Day.
written by j.w., 20 January 2011
Spider Man?
German man admits mailing hundreds of tarantulas illegally into the United States.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Been Building Up
Friendly foes? Respect rules Bears-Packers rivalry. Same division teams having played in championship series since 1940's.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Laser Incidents Soar
FAA: Laser incidents soar, threaten planes. Want "attempted murder" charges brought against villains,
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Sales of Body Parts Future of Colorado?
Bill would make Coloradans organ donors by default. If passed, many plan to pickle their parts in alcohol before croaking.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Chinese Prez Celebrate by Slight Smile
A jazzy all-American state dinner for Chinese prez. Even laughs after told to add "in bed" to ending of fortune cookies.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Maybe Good in the 1960's, But...
Analysis: JFK's words in today's troubled times haven't the least effect! many students still never heard of him.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
HIV Exposure Case May Lead to Prison
HIV exposure case lands airman in prison. Cellmate immediately objects.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Sentenced in Torture Case
Ex-Chicago cop faces 30-plus years in torture case. "Although we doubt he'll still be around after a week of torture", says fellow officer.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Blindfolded Dolphin Study Completed
Study explores how blindfolded dolphins can 'see'. Apparently taught the trick by David Copperfield ten years ago & passed around.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Two New Species?
Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species. That's two in two days after old hairy something-or-other comes down from mountains reeking of corn liquor. Studies still continuing on that one.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Korean Defense Talks to Begin
SKorea accepts NKorean proposal for defense talks. NKorea offers to share nuclear weapons as soon as they can fire them over.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
More Protests
Tunisian army fires warning shots over heads during protest. No one hurt but one tall person gets new hairstyle.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Nothing in 3D No Better than Nothing Showing Now
3-D means headaches to many, yet companies push on. However, will there be lawsuits?
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Giant Crayfish #2
Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species, now believed to have ben imported from Chernobyl.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Losing Conservative Dems
Senate map, Obama's worth, shrinks for Democrats in 2012 Presidential election.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Tunis Still Protesting
Police fire shots to disperse new Tunis protest. "Now they are protesting against last week's protest against the one two weeks ago", state police chief.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Ala. Guv Apologizes
Ala. governor apologizes for remarks on Christians..."even though it's true."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Giant Crayfish
Giant crayfish found in Tennessee is new species. Also, never used yet in a horror movie.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Heavy Drinking a Killer
Heavy drinking may raise abnormal heart rhythm risk, especially if she starts removing clothing. Estimate that over 100 men died last year alone.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
No Color in NYC
New Yorker searches for owner of remarkable blizzard black & white photos, even though they used color.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Both Are Nazis?
GOP's health care repeal: Now for the hard part. "We get to call Dems Nazis in return after their attack on GOP yesterday."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
$45Billion in Orders
Obama: $45B deals show China's rise can help US, just as long as they get a trillion dollars of orders and stolen US copyrighted products in return.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Chinese President "No Write Zero"
He was responding to "Who wrote 'O,A Presidential Novel'?"
written by Hawking's Chair, 20 January 2011
House proposes water vitamization
On the heels of the health law repeal, Republicans have proposed instead to put vitamins in the public water supply to increase nutrient intake, and reduce the necessity of seeing a doctor.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 20 January 2011
Cameron to do whistle tour of the UK!
Our reporter asked him if he would be visiting places like Nottingham, Durham, and Sunderland.
We left with the question unanswered, and David and aides consulting a book of place names and a map!
written by Inchcock, 20 January 2011
Royal College Developing Drugs to make People more intelligent
Prof Irk said: The costs will be astronomical, but MPs & Bankers would likely be our clients.
Commented Mr Pro Latariet, "Christ, we'll never catch then expense fiddling then!
written by Inchcock, 20 January 2011
White House Installment Payment Made
Obama fails to gloss over tensions with Beijing as Chinese president reveals 'disagreements' over trade and human rights. However, Hu leaves a bundle of cash on the table with a wink.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Of Course!
Teenage pupil sent home by head teacher who 'believed he was a 54-year-old man'. 'Of course, I had had a few drinks for breakfast.'
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Hardly Out of Nappies
Technology tots: The children who can use a mouse but can't tie shoelaces, chew gum and walk at the same time.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Cutting Down on the Poor
Charities pay price of greed at Goldman Sachs: Bank gives staff £9.6bn... but slashes donations to good causes by third. Expecting ghosts carrying chains during the night.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Dolly Buying Bras in Nashville
Oddly enough, Dolly Parton told a friend at the airport yesterday after her experience with the young TSA agent, that she got her bras at T.J. Racks and not some fancy undies place.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
Bureau Forced To Stop Writing Snippets!
TheSpoof.com snippet king, Bureau, has been forced to give up writing the damned things due to 'a bad back'. He told another writer on the site:
"Nobody reads the fucking things anyway!"
written by Monkey Woods, 20 January 2011
An Oldie
Pi r squared. No they're not, they're round!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Holy Succotash Batman
USMC Staff Sgt. R. Lee Ermey (RET) is being sued by the ACLU for violating the civil rights of poor defenseless watermelons by shooting/attacking them on his cable TV show Mail Call!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Not from Starbucks
Nursing mothers keep containers of extra breast milk in the refrigerator for late night emergencies. Fathers sometimes complain that their first cup of self-made early morning coffee tastes strange!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Revelation
The Flat Earth Society has finally admitted that the Earth may be a cube!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
People of a Certain Age
If your eligible for US Medicare (UK NHS) you meet a lot of new people with doctor before their names and -oligist, -ist and -surgeon after their names!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
President Obama asks Federal Agencies to Reexamine Regulations
Three farmers were hit by falling coconuts in Hawaii last year. The USDA has instituted a regulation that all US farmers must wear hard hats, even those growing tomatoes!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Political Times Have Changed
Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid will block bringing the bill to repeal Obamacare to the floor of the Senate for an up or down vote. Didn't he complain when Republican's did that?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
In the Limelight
Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi is to star in a Washington DC performance of Shakespeare's Macbeth. Guess witch role she will play?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Blame for High US Gasoline Prices
Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi blames high gasoline prices on USDOT Secretary Bush, EPA Secretary Bush, DOE Secretary Bush, DOI Secretary Bush and USDA Secretary Bush!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Don't Forget the Fortune Cookies
Anyone not invited to US President Obama's formal state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao is free to order Chinese take-out/take-away!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Translators Overlooked these Comments I
While welcoming Chinese President Hu Jintao in an outdoor ceremony, President Obama said we owe China $900 billion so he can stand here and freeze during the formal review!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Translators Overlooked these Comments II
While standing in the cold during an outdoor welcoming ceremony Chinese President Hu Jintao said President Obama has me out here freezing because the USA owes China $900 billion!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 January 2011
Wasted Two Years
A new report says that college students learn very little their first two years at college. "Not true", they say. "We learned who to see and how much to pay to have our thesis & other writings done."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2011
