FBI Says Speaker of the House OK
Object found in Capitol dumpster resembling John Boeher's head was just a slightly deflated basketball.
written by manbrad, 09 January 2011
Blow-Out in Iraq?
Upcoming Arab summit plan in Iraq faces challenges, bombings!
Reading of Constitution in Congress Blasted As Stunt
Yeah, like conservatives can read.
written by manbrad, 09 January 2011
Bering Sea, Sarah Palin Once Warmer
The Bering Sea, a frigid strip of ocean between Alaska & Russia, was once a much-warmer home to a rich diversity of life, new research suggests. People like Sarah Palin practically lived in swimsuits.
Not the Easiest Song to Dance to!
The Fantastic Johnny C has just released his first big hit in years with "Vuvuzela Down Broadway".
Satellite Data provide a new way to monitor groundwater in agricultural regions!!! Now everyone calm down. We need not panic. Take three deep breaths.
Giant Maggot on loose!
A giant Maggot was on the run last night after attacking several anglers on the bankside of the River Thames near Windsor. One angler managed to beat it off with a 2lb Dace.
written by armfeetandtoe, 09 January 2011
Poll Results in on Giffords Shooting
93% of Americans glad they aren't Sarah Palin
97% of Americans glad they aren't Glenn Beck
3-7% were undecided.
written by Charpa93, 09 January 2011
Ozzy Osbourne - The "Duke of Diction" Has A New Dog
Ozzy Osbourne, the musical icon known as "The Prince of Darkness," has just bought a new dog. When asked what he named it Ozzy replied, "Ahhhhhh waaaaa uuuuum ahhhhhh Fiiiiido.
The Three Biggest "Crybabies" In America Are All Grown Men
John Boehner, Glenn Beck, and Brett Favre have agreed to appear in a commercial for Johnson's "No Tears" Baby Shampoo.
FLASH: Jesse James, aka The Ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock Is Now Totally Covered In Tattoos
The ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James has said that he has finally run out of body space so his next tattoo will be tattooed on his tongue.
The State of New Jersey Plans To File A Rebuttal
America's National Olfactory Commission has just named New Jersey as 'The Smelliest State in the Nation.' When Governor Christie was asked for his comment on that decision he replied, "It stinks!"
Kanye West and Naomi Campbell Could Be Heading Into The Recording Studio
Taylor Swift has suggested that Kanye West and Naomi Campbell should record a duet together. She giggled and said that they could record it under the name "Prince Pest and Queen Mean."
Cameron Backs King
Cameron Backs King in 'Extremely Difficult' U.K. rat policy. Sorry, that should be "rate" policy.
Reserves Set for $2.8 Trillion Mean Belt Tightening!
Reserves say China economics demands a tightening of US belts, suspenders and elastic underwear.
Reagan Offers Lesson for Obama on Fixing Tax Code
Former President Reagan Offers Lesson for Obama on Fixing Tax Code according to Albert Hunt after White House seance.
Moutai's 106-Proof Liquor Shields Investors from Inflation
Moutai's 106-Proof Liquor Shields Investors from Inflation! Big old purple and yellow lightning, snakes all over the floor!
Seth Rogen says that, although he loved playing the Green Hornet, he grew tired of having to buzz and finally called on a soundtrack of vuvuzelas.
Pelosi: Dems Lost House -- Because of Bush!
Pelosi: Dems Lost House -- Because of Bush! He also caused us to lose in 2000 & 2004!
Bash is ON!
Duke of Edinburgh relents over Queen's plans for his 90th birthday bash. "Sorry. I misunderstood the word 'bash' before", he states.
Fears over mutating swine flu virus that could render vaccine useless. "The one mutating with Harley Hogs could ruin your privates", warns one doctor.
Royal Knees Up!
A right Royal knees up! Pubes can open until 1am for TWO days in a row to celebrate William and Kate's wedding. Sorry, that should be "Pubs".
A right Royal knees up! Pubs can open until 1am for TWO days in a row to celebrate William and Kate's wedding. "We're rich!" shouts sarcastic Pub owner.
Twitter Ads Crackdown
Stop Tweeting - or we will take you to court! Watchdog's crackdown on celebrities who plug products on Twitter..like "Twiggy's Twitters".
Bacteria Eating Oil Now Eating Everything
Bacteria also removed spilled methane from Gulf. Health officials warn swimmers not to wear oil on bodies fart in the water or they may be eaten alive.
Bird Deaths Occur Regularly
FACT CHECK: Mass bird, fish deaths occur regularly...every time witches are taxed in Romania.
Obama on Economy
Obama says economy moving in right direction..."even though we have tried to move it to the left."
China Developing Weapons at Record Pace
Gates says China moving fast on new weapons as ray guns and secret decoder rings now regularly issued to two million soldiers.
Discovery Mission Delayed Again
Space shuttle Discovery's mission delayed again. This time its UFO's hovering over Florida and Houston, Texas.
Insects Out of Control
Portuguese TV star slain, castrated at NYC hotel, as bed bugs become increasingly vicious.
We're All Mad as Hatters
27 deaths, including 14 decapitated, rock Acapulco! AZ shooting targets US congresswoman, kills 6! No getting around it, the whole world has gone nuts!
US Congresswoman shot
News reports say shot US congresswoman 'critical'.
If it was me I'd be more than just critical, I'd be absolutely LIVID.
written by ExiledRoyal, 09 January 2011
Thousands of Twitterers mysteriously fall dead from Skype
Dubbed the "App-pocalypse" by users, scientists say this is a perfectly natural phenomenon, likely brought on by a computer virus, and nothing to worry about.
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 09 January 2011
Roy Hodgson "resigns" to the fact that Liverpool F.C. are crap!
Ex-Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson has resigned, but "he'll never walk alone" his bank account is bulging and he's been offered a job as Kermit in the Muppet show!
written by Jaggedone, 09 January 2011
Proof William Hague is not gay!
A letter was sent to Ffion Hague, stating they had not had sex with Willy in a hotel bedroom was signed by Damien, Wilberforce, Twinkle, Julian, Antoine, Dominic, Shirley, Octavio, Tyquan and Xavier.
written by Inchcock, 09 January 2011
SarahPAC website removes 'Hit List' map
In the wake of the Arizona shooting, SarahPAC quickly removes the map with gun sights targeting political opponents saying, "God forbid our idiot gun-loving supporters think we're actually serious."
written by Juvenal Delinquent, 09 January 2011
Stephen Barclay MP to be prosecuted for expense fiddle!
Stephen Barclay MP is to be prosecuted for expense fiddle!
He commented, you can bank on my being cleared - Rt Hon Kenneth Clarke QC who will be sitting on the trial says so!
written by Inchcock, 09 January 2011
Bad Headline number 77
Eligible Pet Owners Can Get Free Neutering,
written by IN SEINE, 09 January 2011
FOX News Looking Into Twenty Five Hour News Cycle!
Thinks the twenty four hour cycle is a conspiracy by the liberal media.
How Much Does A S**T Ton Way?
Scientists say a very smelly two thousands pounds.
Peeping Tom Looking In Your Window!
Seriously. Look behind you!
English Nerds Rate Sex With Punctuation!
An exclamation point is considered excellent, a period just okay and a question mark terrible. Colons are considered down right nasty.
New Facebook Feature Revealed!
You can read about it on my Facebook page.
Facebook Adds New Feature!
But I don't know what it is.
People Will Read Anything!
Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. I had pizza for dinner. Told you so.
Sarah Palin Will Certainly Not Be A Friend of Global Warming Now!
Al Gore says that he can tell that Global Warming is all ready starting to affect Sarah Palin. When asked to explain he replied that he has noticed some little black whiskers growing on her chin.
"Honey, Can You Pass Me One Of The Cooked Snails Please"
The World Citizens Health Organization has warned food consumers that eating uncooked snails could possibly slow down your metabolism to a snail's pace.
In The Where Are They Now Department: American Idol Reject Tatiana Del Toro
Tatiana Del Toro - The American Idol reject is living in Pakistan where she answers phone call questions from customers complaining about defective Trojan Condoms.
You Will Not Believe What Madonna Asked Her Gynecologist
Madonna reportedly talked to her gynecologist about having her tooth gap botoxed. He laughed at her and told her to get her silly old has-been ass out of his office cause he had real patients to see.
Glenn Beck Has Now Done Gone And Pissed Off The Nazi's
The Sieg Heil Nazi Organization of Argentina has warned talk show host Glenn Beck to stop using their Nazi memorabilia, artifacts, and swastika signs without their permission.
Is there a Vaccine?
Former California Republican Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger once characterized being a liberal Democrat as having an illness. It seems the former governor caught the disease!
More Obamacare Smoke and Mirrors
Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi says the latest 2011 CBO "smoke and mirrors" deficit figures are based on the 2010 Obamacare "smoke and mirrors" deficit estimates are justified!
Their Cup of Tea
A Tea Party spokesperson says Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid will retire once the Republicans recapture the Senate and President Obama is not reelected in the 2012 general elections!
People Might Hurt Themselves
New OSHA regulation requires that hammers, screwdrivers and pliers may not be sold by hardware stores, unless buyers have taken a two year training course.
False Face to Save False Numbers
Democratic House Minority Leader Pelosi says the repeal of Obamacare would add $230 billion to the US debt. She then volunteered to give up Botox and personally make up this difference!
NPR Under New Management
Politically correct liberal management at National Public Radio has been removed following the firing of commentator Juan Williams. Two ladies from "The View" are being considered as replacements!
Net Neutrality Ruling
A new FCC ruling on net neutrality requires that all Internet TV providers' channel allocations must contain at least one free PORN channel!
Pelosi Has Bush-a-Phobia
Former HS Pelosi was taken to St. Elizabeth's Psychiatric Hospital in Wash. DC. Doctors diagnose Bush-a-phobia, constant need to blame the former GOP president for Democratic failed economic policies!
Bugs for Lunch
A bio-diversity group has asked the S Korean government for $1 billon to save the endangered polka dot cockroach found in Pyongyang N Korea. N Korea says the bugs have already been eaten.
Suck it Up
House Minority Whip Hoyer whines about the Democrats not being able to make amendments to the repeal of the Obamacare bill. Poor baby is "getting his own back" as the submariners say!
Islamist extremists have banned unrelated men and women from shaking hands, speaking or walking together, except in brothels!
It was regulation, I know, and it didn't end right there at the start, just a passing glance, just a bureaucratic romance, and now I can't go on my way without supervision!
The Name Sarah Has Become Very Popular In North Korea
Sarah Palin has become so popular in North Korea that the name Sarah has just surpassed the names Shin, Kyong, and Min as the most popular female names in the country.
Adam Lambert Is Starting To Question His Gayness
Adam Lambert is afraid that he may not be as gay as he thought he was. He reportedly said that he would love to kiss Kim Kardashian's great, big, badonkadonk (ass).
The Truth About Why Monica Lewinsky Wants To Date President George Bush Senior
Monica Lewinsky reportedly wants to date former President George Bush Senior so that she can be that much closer to former President Bill "The Thrill" Clinton.
Arizona Is Thinking About Closing Down All Of The State's Taco Bells
The state of Arizona says it is considering closing down all of the Taco Bells in the state because a lot of the menu item names are in Spanish such as Tacos, Enchiladas, and Burritos.
Islamists or Shakers
Somali Islamists ban all men, women from even shaking hands. Population to begin shrinking within months.
The Brand New Arkansas "Kissing" Law
The state of Arkansas has finally passed a law that strictly prohibits binge cousin kissing.