Venus Williams exposes herself again
Controversy has broken out at the Australian Open over whether Venus Williams is wearing a mini-skirt or a veil.
written by Big Bunny News, 17 January 2011
Missing Persons 2
The fuckers are out there somewhere.
written by armfeetandtoe, 17 January 2011
Gay London Mayor!
Wants Nelsons column to be painted pink!
written by armfeetandtoe, 17 January 2011
Man Shot Over French Fry Argument.
Man shot over french fry argument...Guns don't kill people, french fries kill people!
Hynde: shock new single
Chrissie Hynde has shocked fans by annoucing her next single is to be called: 'Dirty Crack Whore.'
written by parveen liddy, 17 January 2011
One Gone, One Returns
Tunisians hail fall of ex-leader's corrupt family. Baby Doc back in Haiti so it's a trade-off, according to UN spokesman.
Sarah Palin in Hot Water over Comments Again
Sarah Palin, wanting to be sure her followers knew that she was still considering a run for the Presidency, tweeted this over the weekend: "Still have my sights aimed at Presidency."
written by Charpa93, 17 January 2011
Apple boss forgot to eat an apple a day!
Steve Jobs, Apple boss ignored his mummy and forgot to eat an apple a day, now he's ill and forced to retire: Rule 1 = always listen to mummy: Rule 2 = money is not healthy, but an Apple is!
written by Jaggedone, 17 January 2011
A Mammoth Task
Researchers in Japan aim to resurrect mammoth in five years using DNA. Apologize for saber-tooth tiger attack over the past weekend.
Berlusconi never paid for sex with young girls, why should he?
Italy's PM, Berlusconi, claims he never paid for sex with young pussies, why should he? He nearly owns all of Italy and it's well known, young Bimbo's love a "power stick" even if it's over 70!
written by Jaggedone, 17 January 2011
Bieber Wins Award
Justin Bieber has been voted number one in contest for the World's Sexiest Squirt!
Earth Tilt Results
Slight Earth tilt causes werewolves to only appear as Robin Williams!
Algerians pray for rain
The Algerian government has hired 170 aborigines to perform 24 hour rain dances hoping to dampen the opportunity for Tunisian style immolation protests
Mubarak offers free firelighters and matches to Opposition
H. Mubarek President of Egypt for 174 years has been offering free firelighters and matches to opposition politicians in a gesture of generosity not matched since Bill Clinton's pole dance club visit.
Egyptians fear Tunisian influence spreading
Sales of firelighters and matches reached an all time high in Egypt prompting concerns over Tunisian style copycat immolaters on the streets of Cairo. Mubarek has been President of Egypt 174 years
Keep calm in Tunisia
Valium manufacturer Roche called for everyone to keep calm in Tunisia. "Take 2 yellows or 1 white tablet twice per day" said marketing manager, Bill Profitt, and short Roche stock
A Mammoth Work
Researchers aim to resurrect mammoth in five years. Brazil working on 100 new Hitlers withing ten years.
North Korean Collapse
SKorea: Nuclear push could bring North's collapse. Kim has been putting power over food for its citizens for many years.
Harrelson in Haiti Also?
Haiti urged to prosecute returned former strongman, install Woody Harrelson!
Israeli Worm in Iran? Russia?
The Worm in Iran's Nuclear Program: Made in Israel? Is the pope Catholic?
Vampires to go on strike
Vampire actors staring in Hollywood films are striking for more pay and bigger roles. "We just want our day in the sun" said strike leader Michael Howard, ex leader of Conservative Party
Mums the Word?
Euro slips as EU discusses bailout strategy. Investors encourage them to keep their voices lower when talking about bailouts.
Pence Urged to Run
Pence urged to enter race for president in 2012. "Pence a great name to have during a time of runaway debt", says GOP chairman.
Yeah, But You Suspected It Could Happen!
Dangerous loners hard to catch before they act according to friends of those who have flipped out and caused havoc.
Scientists Finally Discover What Will Please a Woman
After many years of research, scientists have, at long last, discovered what will please a woman. It is commonly known as 'NOTHING'.
written by IN SEINE, 17 January 2011
Ministers to Spar Over Bailout
European ministers to spar over bailout fund. Good-sized ring prepared, surrounded by barbed wire.
Baby Doc is Back!
Haiti's 'Baby Doc' in surprise return from exile! He is welcomed by old friends he didn't have killed and his zombie father.
Runner's Knee #3
Stretching may help ward off "runner's knee" - study. Also, 'runner's tree' as it helps you climb tree faster when dogs suddenly give chase.
Clinton Sends Message to Tunisa
Clinton urges reforms by new Tunisian government if they ever quit rioting and form a government.
The Freshmen 15 Pounds!
Foiling the freshman 15 weight gain as average weight put on by Freshmen at college their first year. One recommendation: Smoking can help.
'Social Network' Big Winner at Globes
'Social Network' big winner at Golden Globes. Reporters ask them how much payola cost after recent accusations.
Enough of Them to Pay Off US National Debt?
Ex-Swiss banker to hand account files to WikiLeaks to release the names of all the tax cheats.
Dr. Pepper Back Also
Haiti's 'Baby Doc' in surprise return from exile. Mexico's 'Doc Pepper' also makes return...at 10, 2 & 4.
The Docs Are Back
Haiti's 'Baby Doc' in surprise return from exile. Brings both 'Grandbaby Doc' and 'Doc #4' with him.
Gene Damage in Minutes
Smoking causes gene damage in minutes! Also, determines hours, days you have left to live!
Stretching Can Help #2
Stretching may help ward off "runner's knee" - study. Also, 'runner's pee".
Stretching Can Help?
Stretching may help ward off "runner's knee" - study. Also, sudden, violent bowel movements.
El Toro, El Bozo Appear
Scientists say that El Nina being replaced by El Toro which drives waters straight forward in a rush and El Bozo that is always fooling around, mixing seltzer with warm/cold currents.
Giant French Cock (II)
After installing a giant blue French cock in Trafalgar Square, Boris Johnslob, Mayor, is after suggestions for future exhibits. Poland has offered a large Polish sausage, we await the German response.
Who's In Charge?
Tunisia awaits new unity govt, unrest continues as they may have to wait until rioting stops and leader chosen among 50 or so.
Bill Smith, 86 of Rotherham mistakenly asked for an iPatch in the Apple store instead of an iPad. Police arrested him on suspicion he was a hardware pirate
So Farewell, Susannah York.
Superman's mum. Gorgeous.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 17 January 2011
Cackle, Cackle, Cluck, Cluck
Doctors in Tokyo are reporting that they transplanted the heart of a chicken into a 97-year-old woman. They say that she is doing great and that in the first week alone she laid three dozen eggs.
The Most Unusual ATM Machine In America
An ATM machine in Boise, Idaho malfunctioned and accidentally started dispensing French fries instead of money.
The North Sea Jellyfish Are Some Bad Ass Fishes!
Marine biologists have just discovered that jellyfish in the North Sea for some unknown reason are attacking full grown sharks and causing the sharks to swim off in terror.
Visit Nebraska - But Not On Valentine's Day!
The state of Nebraska has decided to cancel Valentine's Day due to the shortage of Chocolate Covered Bunnies.
Sarah "Crosshairs" Palin Is Now Starting To Blame "El Nino"
Weather experts have stated that the weather phenomenon known as "El Nino" may be responsible for the extreme radical behavior of some Arizona Tea Bag Party members.
Gaddafi Condemns Tunisian Uprising
The prospect of it spreading to Libya is scaring the shit out of him, causing his tent to stink.
written by Hawking's Chair, 17 January 2011
Thank you to God
In the words of Ricky Gervais on tonight's Golden Globe Awards 'THANK YOU TO GOD FOR MAKING ME AN ATHEIST'.
Way to go Ricky.....I love you.
written by Lady Godiva, 17 January 2011
"Now Has 400 Wives, All Prgnant!"
North Korea releases new paintings of healthy Kim Jong Il, nude and with a huge Jong.
Scientists say they have good news and bad news. The Good: There is ni global warming. The Bad: The Large Hadron Collider cannot be stopped and is draining energy from all nearby sources.
"Sheil of the Burning Sand!"
Israel apparently placed a computer bug in Iran's nuclear reactor set up that it is now playing "Ahab The Arab" by Ray Stevens.
Look Out for Falling Rocks!
Wet winter storm raises avalanche alerts in Rockies. Cheyenne authorities say that Falling Rocks is lost again in area.
Swiss find signs of illegal US surveillance. Proof? "They were always asking us to say "Cheese"
Steelers Beat Ravens I
Baltimore Ravens played like the A Team during the first half, but were replaced by the Keystone Cops during the second half!
Steelers Beat Ravens II
Pittsburg Steelers coach's locker room pep-talk during half time, as overheard by a sports reporter, supposedly contained the word eunuch 52 times!
There are environmental advocates, health food advocates and exercise advocates. What kind of advocate is Playboy Magazine publisher Hugh Heffner?
Stop Eating and Driving
US Government announces that when food and energy costs are removed from the inflation calculations, inflation remained calm. Remember your tax dollars pay these peoples' salaries!
Job Opportunity in the Off Season
NFL officials warn several teams player's that their trash-talk in the media has no place on the field. Various players have been contacted by Democratic far left organizations to be spokesmen!
Politically Correct Lexicon
In toning down the political rhetoric the inflammatory words asshole, moron and putz may not be used. These words will be replaced by rear-orifice, brainless-person and dick-head, respectively!
Uncle Sam to go on a Diet
HHS indicates senior citizens are also suffering from obesity. Dr. Boehner, a Republican nephew of Uncle Sam, and his staff plan to put the old gentleman on a diet to reduce his size!
The Karl Marx Trio on Stage
The Karl Marx Trio opened at the House Minority Lounge performing their song "shameful rhetoric" to left wing audiences. The trio members are scruple-less Pelosi, truth-less Hoyer & clueless Clyburn!
It's Only Fair
Democratic liberal left Rep. Clyburn (D-SC) has asked that the FCC require Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck to host radio/TV shows simultaneously with NPR and MSNBC TV programming!
Botox Causes Brain Freeze
Scientists have discovered that Botox causes brain freeze. A new report cites the case of Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi calling the Arizona shootings a "tragic accident!"
The VP Joe Biden Saga
I came, I made some inane statements and nobody gave a rats-patootie!
Stop the Leaks
President Obama institutes a crack down on certified flakes in his administration. Oops that should be classified leaks!
President Obama Needs to Read the US Constitution
The Obama administration wants federal agencies to monitor whether federal workers have visited the WikiLeaks or other websites before they started their jobs or after they retired.
Federal Agency Witch Hunts
The Obama administration is to employ programs used by intelligence agencies to root out potential spies to prevent leaks at State, Energy and Justice Departments, NASA and Homeland Security.
WikiLeaks has announced their first over-the-counter medication called Wiki-Lax. This product is to be distributed free to all federal agencies to keep the poop coming!