Ramsay Not Happy With Face-Lift
Gordon Ramsay observing face-job in mirror told plastic surgeon Gordon Peel: "For fucksake man, it's waaaaay overcooked! I'd never serve that in my restaurant!"
written by Auntie Matter, 03 January 2011
Love and Death threats for Justin and Selena
Selena Gomez denies taking Justin Bieber's virginity on their St Lucia love holiday. Says the pics just showed her teaching him how to shave and the other was her praying and not doing cough and drop.
written by Big Bunny News, 03 January 2011
Giant Cat Hunted!
A giant cat was being hunted today, after it ate the entire contents of Billingsgate fish market. Stall holders and traders said the whole plaice has disappeared.
Regis Philbin Has Cleared Up The Lesbian Rumors
Regis Philbin wants everyone to know that the rumors going around that The Statue of Liberty is a lesbian are not true. Philbin angrily stated, "People, it's a friggin statue for goodness sakes!"
The Thing That Only Shakira The Belly Shaker Can Do!
Shakira has admitted that two weeks ago she was shaking her hips so fast that she looked down and noticed that her belly button had ended up on her back.
Can Glenn "Baby Teardrops" Beck Really Be Believed
Glenn Beck has stated that for his new year's resolution he promises to try and not cry like a little girl so much.
Finally - The Real Reason Why The Dixie Chicks Really Broke Up
The Dixie Chicks finally admitted that the reason they broke up was because the bands last CD only sold a total of eight copies.
Thank You Yogi Berra For Clearing It All Up
Baseball legend Yogi Berra wants everyone to know that he really did not say a lot of the things that people said that he really did not say he said.
Home Alone 3 with Macaulay Culkin
30 year old Culkin's girlfriend Mila Kunis dumped him for a 10 year old at the Plaza
Heather Mills tweets Zsa Zsa
Ever the performer Mills tweeted, "Break a leg, Zsa Zsa."
Zsa Zsa Gabor no longer being considered for DWTS
A producer for Dancing with the Stars said they were considering the 93 year old but reconsidered in light of her possibly missing too many shows.
Free wings in Arkansas
"We's got over a 1000 free wings, all's you all gotta do is brung the suds," said Rufus Leaking from Buttole, just outside of Bubba's home in Hope.
Like A Bridge Over Tainted Waters
Pennsylvania allows dumping of tainted waters from gas boom. "Tainted awful?", asked local resident.
With A Capital T
Troubled Jerry Brown says that he is just the person to lead a troubled California.
Cleaner tractors get cool reception from farmers. "We're hauling cow shit all day", says interviewee.
You Won't Be Back!
Schwarzenegger leaves public office with 22% approval, his highest since coming into office.
Issa: Obama administration 'one of most corrupt in modern times'. 'Worst since the Bush administration.'
Giant rat eats takeaway!!
A giant rat was being hunted today after eating an entire Chinese takeaway. The Wank Wang Hoe takeaway was last seen poking out the side of the rodents mouth.
Believe It Or Don't
Illinois twins born in different years. Tortosa in 2009 and Reposa in 2011!
Obama Family Will Be OK
Republicans may starve financial reform of cash. It's a good thing that the Obamas put up all that produce from Michelle's garden.
NFL Is A Spoof
If you think the college football rankings are bad, check the TB Bucs 10-6 record & not reaching the NFL Playoffs while the Seattle team, at 7-9 does. Head to head TB beat Seattle 38-15 during season.
Geek To Geek?
Texas man tries Geek To Geek site for a partner and winds up with a Dork.
Cosmopolitan Hits Milestone
Cosmopolitan Magazine publishes its 10,000th way you can please your man.
Ricky Ponting Chased out of Australia due to Weather
Cricket captain Ricky Ponting is said to have had to flee Australia following press claims that he was responsible for the flooding in the country as well as the dismal performance in the Ashes.
written by Collins_and_Dutton, 03 January 2011
Obama Studying Reagan
Obama Studies Reagan Years for Guidance on Pushing Agenda: #1 "Begin all replies to unhappy reporters with, "Well, there you go again."
NKorea Talking Tough
North Korea talks tough but opens door to diplomacy after Kim switches from cartoons to old Bogart movies.
US porn industry joins the navy!
The UYS navy is becoming a regular supplier of fresh porn to the industry back in LA, so Ron Jeremy offered his services and was "piped" on board!
written by Jaggedone, 03 January 2011
The BBC used fake snow to create winter news headlines!
Several rusty snow machines found scattered all over the country.
Unemployed Scroungers to get help soon!
London's pathetic unemployed scroungers to be assisted!
The Council for Civil Liberties will visit and investigate them at the House of Lords this week!
written by Inchcock, 03 January 2011