Maybe Hillary Will Make A Run
GALLUP: U.S. Satisfaction Remains Near 12-Month Low. Obama numbers heading for those of James Buchanan.
Also Name Second , Third & Fourth Runner-Up
Over 300 people in one Salvation Army location demand that they qualify as a congressional district. Name Joe "Mumbles" Pelipee as nominee for 2012 election, if he's still around by then.
A new level of obesity has been observed beyond Morbid Obesity. Called Gross Obesity where the person is not onlyb beyond fat, but they gross more than a ton and look gross.
written by IainB, 16 January 2011
We Elected You!
Tea partiers keeping an eye on those they backed. "Vote against Obama on everything, keep hurling questions or we replace you next time."
Irish premier won't quit over Ireland debt crisis. "Hasn't caused Obama, other leader's resignation!"
Zsa Zsa Gabor pronounced fit to play this season
The donation of a leg by Jonny Wilkinson means Zsa Zsa Gabor will now kick for England in this year's 6 Nations Cup.Her experience at fly half and speed in a wheelchair will also provide a great boost
written by Big Bunny News, 16 January 2011
Israel Worms Their Way Out of Trouble
Paper: Iran still trying to buy nuclear technology after computer virus from Israel brings down current nuke facility.
John McCain Apologizes to Republicans for Giving Props to Obama
John McCain claims "like many Americans, I got caught up in the moment when I wrote that op-ed in the Washington Post." He told fellow Republicans, "Believe me, it will never happen again."
written by Charpa93, 16 January 2011
Especially When He Was Young
Pope is joyous about beautifying John Paul II. That should be, "beatifying".
Famous Groundhog Sees Shadow on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
Predicts no foreseeable end to racism in America.
written by Charpa93, 16 January 2011
Not Global Warming, Global Debt
Record $14 trillion-plus debt weighs on Congress. Adding all western debt could weigh earth out of balance.
Call from the Pope to reduce crime in the UK!
Hearing this appeal from His Holiness, the Rt Hon Kenneth Clarke, Secretary of State for Justice replied: "I'm sorry, I promise to reduce it, I'll ask the other members of the cabinet to desist".
written by Inchcock, 16 January 2011
Earth Saved by Lady Trapeze Artist
A UFO landed near Orlando, Florida yesterday and two aliens came out, walked into Circus, saw a lady on trapeze and stated, "Look, they can fly" and left.
Divers Make Discovery?
Divers ask, "Was this Blackswords beard?" Probably been down there too long.
Ku Klux Clan new release
Members of the Ku Klux Clan have recorded an album of chilren's classics with a twist. Songs such as "Bye Bye Blue Bird" and "Painted Brown" replace songs normally containing the word "black". Shame!
written by whatinthe world, 16 January 2011
Barack Obama to resign
US President Barack Obama will resign the Presidency at noon tomorrow after a five year old called him a "stinker" to his face at a recent public outing. Obama can't live with the shame and wants out.
written by whatinthe world, 16 January 2011
Inmate Bitten on Penis May Sue
Judge rules inmate 'bitten on penis by rodent' may sue...but will have to get in line with others owed by Madoff.
Schwarzenegger says governorship cost him $200 million...signs contracts to do ten movies this year.
Mexican Gunner Arrested
Mexican gunman fires across border toward U.S. highway workers. Mexican police say the man was upset over workers making good money while resting on shovels till one fell asleep.
Cut Spending, Don't Raise Taxes!
CBS POLL: 77% say cut spending; only 9% say raise taxes. 100% say they don't want either one.
Should Help Unemployment
President Obama eases travel restrictions to Cuba. Long bridge to employee over 10,000 from both countries.
The Big One!
Arkansas man who is rumored to have a whopper says that it's all a bunch of baloney.
Freedoms Leaving Fast
Radio stations told to censor Dire Straits over gay lyrics. Rod Stewart still waiting to hear about "Old Georgie".
Football Teams Advance
Pecker Stealers advance to title games...that should be Steelers, Packers advance to title game.
China Announces Loooong Range Goal
China sets goals to reduce emissions of pollutants. Plan to get totally away from burning coal by 2525.
Americans More Divided Than Ever
Parties seek political profit from Ariz. shooting. Tea Party rallies versus Obama political speech at memorial. Big winner: Gun sales up 60% following tragedy.
Could Cause Protests
New plans for 140,000 apartments in east Jerusalem have some concerned.
Student Teachers to Teach Students
No Kentucky teachers salary cuts after Universities decide to allow seniors studying to become teachers to teach during their senior year.
Raw Feelings Ease?
AP-GfK Poll: Raw feelings ease over health law although bad feelings and feeling of doom persist.
Pomp & Circumstance
US pomp meant to improve tone of circumstances in China relations.
Confusion in Tunisia
Ex-chief of Tunisian presidential guard arrested. Then ex-presidential guards arrest protesters who arrested former guard.
Blowing & Going in Kentucky!
As gas prices rise in Kentucky, state looks at fuel alternatives. May try placing giant windmills to hide marijuana crops.
Herr Tyran, Sr.
Early T. Rex ancestor found in South America..confesses to being a former Nazi!
US Beef Banned
Taiwan removes US beef with residue of banned drug. Switches to organic horse meat.
Smoking Causes Almost Instant Damage
Smoking causes gene damage in minutes, almost as bad as listening to MSNBC news, a Joe Biden speech in two minutes.
New Miss America
Youth wins as Nebraskan takes Miss America crown. Her talent was shucking 50 ears of corn in three minutes.
$14 Trion Debt A Burden!
Record $14 trillion-plus debt weighs on Congress...who will select a panel to go to Vegas every month to try to improve their outlook.
US pomp meant to improve tone of China relation. Pomp & Tone have been serving in China for the US for a combined total of 37 years.
Some missing people are still missing.
written by armfeetandtoe, 16 January 2011
The Shoshoni Indians Were Damn Good Teepee Builders
The Shoshoni Indians of the 1870s were believed to be the first Indian tribe to make teepee's out of stucco instead of out of buffalo hides.
It Looks Like 'Don't Ask - Don't Tell' Was Even Around During The Time of The Civil War
Just before the American Civil War, the Confederacy's uniforms were going to be pink instead of gray, but General Lee vetoed the idea saying that pink uniforms would be hard to keep clean.
Kirstie Alley Has Revealed All Of Her Cooking Secrets
Kirstie Alley who tips the scales at 409 pounds has just written a cookbook entitled, "Cooking With Ingredients."
Wikileaks Reveals The Never Before Known Reason Why Dagwood Bumstead Divorced Blondie
Wilileaks documents clearly show that the reason cartoon character Dagwood Bumstead divorced his wife Blondie was because he caught her in bed with another female cartoon character.
Lindsay Lohan And Her Amazing Freckles
While Lindsay Lohan was confined to a rehab clinic she wrote a book entitled, "717 Different Ways You Can Amuse Yourself With Your Freckles."
Was Ex-Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Really That Good An Actor?
Arnold Schwarzenegger says that while he was governor of California he lost out on $200 million in motion picture salaries and he says he wants the state to pay him back in unmarked $20s.
The First Buckaroo Bank Is History
The First Buckaroo Bank of Boise (Idaho) has gone bankrupt. Depositors are asked to please return the toasters as soon as possible.
The African Marathon Is Going To Be The Mother of All Marathons
The biggest marathon in the world will be held in untamed Lower Zamgola. Marathon organizers are expecting 7 million runners who are urged to please bring their own water, food, and spears.
Wikileaks Has Some Very Interesting Info On The KKK
Wikileaks documents reveal that the Ku Klux Klan has two undercover members that live in Harlem. Yes it is very, very confusing to say the least.
Did You Hear About Belgium?
Brussel Sprouts Epidemic hits Belgium. All of its inhabitants are told to evacuate to France, Germany, or the Netherlands.
Sarah Palin Has Finally Said What She Said Needed To Be Said By Her
Sarah Palin says she feels guilty, embarrassed, and guilty about recent events and therefore won't be giving any interviews or even talking to daughters Bristol, Willow, and Piper for two weeks.
British Expert on Terrorism
British expert on terrorism tells BBC that the next time an attack comes, it could come on a different day than 7/7. "Or what if both countries go hit on 7/11. Wouldn't that screw things up?"
There She Is...What is It?
Miss America celebrates 90th anniversary in Vegas. "I thought I'd show up in my swimsuit, stated 109-year-old.