Katie Price: The Full Marriage Split Statement Revealed
It reads,
Alex and I have had a number of difficulties over the past few months. I accept that these were in part caused by my marrying too quickly - we all...
Ah fuck it, who really gives a shit?
written by Nick Hobbs, 18 January 2011
Baby Doc On a Mission
Baby Doc has returned to Haiti after 25 years exile. At the airport he announced; "I have found Jesus. My mission now is to sow peace and love among my people and to repent the sins of Papa and me".
written by Auntie Matter, 18 January 2011
Finally!
Obama finally orders review of regulations that hurt job growth...on 729th day of administration.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Is This A Ruse?
Afghan officials: 50 Taliban switch sides in north...or so they say!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Plus It Would Cost A Lot Less
Student tracking finds limited learning in college. With all the partying and extra curricular actives, you'd do better to learn a needed trade.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Over The Hump
Kirstie Alley is still over 200 pounds "but at least I'm over that 300-pound hump!"
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Elton John Throws Baby Out Of Pram - For Good!
After only a few days of fatherhood, Elton John has thrown away his new baby Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John & bought himself a new hat. "I'll probably get bored of the hat soon as well", he joked.
written by Ron Smith, 18 January 2011
Gays entitled to a bit of B & B (bum & balls) when they want!
UK gays are over the moon as a devout Christian hotel pair (hetero) lost their court battle against a gay couple who they refused to allow a bit of B & B (bum and balls) in their B & B, God forbid!
written by unknown
Eat bugs and save the world!
A Dutch professor has claimed that if humans start eating bugs and insects it will save the world, he's obviously had too many mosquito bites, "Loony"!
written by unknown
Old Bubble Butt
Supermodel Marisa Miller recalls being tasered about her "Bubble Butt". I'm sorry, that should be 'teased about her bubble butt!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Grant Manager for Life
A vote of Confidence in Avram Grant, Manager of bottom of the table West Ham United, has been given by the club's owners. Grant with the Manager's job for life, has been provided with an armed guard.
written by j.w., 18 January 2011
California - Big Storm Forecast
The State of California is expecting a huge storm likely to cause widespread flooding and damage to housing. Hollywood is expecting a huge inrush of tourists to take part in the latest disaster movie.
written by j.w., 18 January 2011
Government in a Pickle over Inflation
Government Minister responsible for Inflation, Eric Pickles, has been warned to slow down his intake of food or risk a crisis of uncontrolled expansion. The City is preparing for an economic blow out.
written by j.w., 18 January 2011
Fatty With Two Girlfriends
World's fattest man has two girls on go. "There's plenty of m to go around", says Paul Mason!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Regis Gone
Regis Philbin shocks viewers this morning, says he's retiring from weekday chat show after 25 years! "Can you imagine? I was only 92 when the first show came on."
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Bad Dog Toy!
Singing puppy toy for toddlers turns the air blue with four-letter ditty. Company blames employee who knew he was going to be laid off!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Stable Relationship?
Who's the lucky lady? Italy kept guessing as Berlusconi reveals 'I've been in a stable relationship since I split with my wife..just horsing around.'
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Cheney Says He May Need Heart Transplant
Says right now he barely has the energy to shoot people in the face.
written by manbrad, 18 January 2011
Heart Transplant Candidate Cheney Wonders Why He Has To Wait For Donor
"Can't they just kill a detainee and give the heart to me?" former VP asks.
written by manbrad, 18 January 2011
Crocodile Rock?
Grandma on acid! Researcher finds rare footage of 1950s housewife in LSD experiment rocking a mile a minute while playing, "See You Later, Alligator"
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Inflations Won't Help Sales
Inflation jumps to 3.7% - and it's set to get worse, raising fears of soaring interest rates on houses, cars which aren't selling now.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Britain's Debt Rising by £7,000 A Second
Going to have to give up that Sky subscription... cut down on the wine... and I keep telling you about using the credit card!
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 January 2011
Celebrity Endorsements
Do Celebrity Endorsements Really Work? Sure! reports study. Man sees a bikini-clad actress beside a wheelbarrow and immediately says to himself, "I gotta have one of those."
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
China Lending Hits New heights
China lending hits new heights; Funding to poor states tops World Bank. "We will eventually buy up the world", says leader Hu.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
The Jabbering Jets
Say what? Jabbering Jets keep talking and winning. "Now we're gonna steal one from the Steelers!"
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Zenyatta, Kim Win Awards
Zenyatta wins Horse of Year. Kim of North Korea wins Horse's Ass of Year once again.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
So What's the Difference Here?
Playboy TV network say they are now inviting women...thousands of them in bikinis and thongs.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Bicycle Now Circling Earth?
NASA: Astronaut hurt in bicycle accident. Was previously warned about riding it outside space station.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Puerto Rican Beefs?
Puerto Rico aims to protect newly discovered beefs ...I'm sorry, that should be "reefs".
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Jobs Takes Leave
Apple CEO Steve Jobs takes medical leave...following national trend of Jobs being scarce!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Another State Dinner
Obama holding first China state dinner in 13 years, 117th overall since taking office two years ago.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Cheney Needs New Heart
Cheney says he may have to have heart transplant, out watching joggers go by in park.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
May Display Pics of Those Arrested
California city considers DUI mug shots on Facebook, arrested prostitutes on Tailbook!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Vatican Warned Us!
Vatican warned Irish bishops not to report abuse. "We were screwed if we did or if we didn't", says former Bishop.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Hope It Turns To Snow!
Tired of snow, Northeast adds sleet, freezing rain. "This is even worse", says one customer who has no electricity as tree falls in backyard.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Laugh It Up Afterward
'Idol' embraces kinder, gentler attitude...at least on-camera. However, according to WikiLeaks...
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Obama Close to using Bush Talk
Obama announces review of government regulations. "We cannot compete with one hand tied behind our behinds!"
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Here's Your Drink..Whoops!
Starbucks expanding rollout of 31-ounce drink size. May need to expand small, better balanced tables.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Be Careful of Mixes
Antibiotics, blood pressure drugs can be risky mix...especially with tequila.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Return of the Boy King?
Japanese researchers aim to resurrect mammoth in five years. Egypt hopes to bring back King Tut within ten.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
KKK Changing
Members of the northern branch of the KKK have switched to wearing blankets in winter meetings.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
KKK in Turmoil
Several KKK members object to newly elected leaders of being three sheets in the wind at meetings.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
House on Health Care Reform
House to debate repeal of Health Care Reform, some saying that it will bankrupt America, drive private businesses out.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Hu Visits U.S.
US companies expand goals as China leader arrives, number one being to stop stealing our copyrights and mass-producing the product.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Hu to Answer Who
China's Hu to engage in rare Q&A with media in US, especially those that begin with "Who".
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Still Protesting
Official: 3 ministers quit new Tunisia government. Could lead to massive protest against massive protest earlier.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
China To Invest In U.S., Set Up Production Plants
Employment figures may not improve, but kids will have jobs.
written by Hawking's Chair, 18 January 2011
UN May Propose "Jubilee Year!" All Debts Forgiven
£1TRILLION:British National Debt pushes through barrier to reach £40,000 per household. Same for most western countries.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Nursery Children Racists
30,000 pupils branded as bigots: Teachers log 'racist' and 'homophobic' jibes in playground... even at nursery. Meanwhile parent group lists 3,500 teachers as 'racists', 'elitists' and 'disturbed'.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Favre Rerereretires
The end? Favre again files for retirement with NFL. "Does Arena Football still exist?"
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Tea Party Watching Closely
Tea partiers keeping an eye on those they backed, Sarah Palin's front!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
One Harvest Away
World is 'one poor harvest' from chaos, new book warns. That goes for the rich also. You cannot eat gold!
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
Why Not Cut Number of Politicians?
Camden, NJ braces for deep police, fire cuts...sales of guns and fire extinguishers up 200%.
written by Bureau, 18 January 2011
