VP Shooting
Asked when former Vice President Cheney first shot anyone in the face, his wife, Lynne says that the first time she knew about it was on their wedding night.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Save Money While Enjoying Myself
While some senators and congressmen double-up splitting the cost of a hotel room during busy seasons, Senator Larry Craig says that for only 50 cents, he can stay in a DC bathroom stall overnight.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Hillary Impressed
Hillary Clinton stated today that she has been very impressed with President Obama in his first year. So much so that she has offered him the opportunity to run as her Vice President in 2012.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Manchester City deny poaching players
said a club spokesperson during a hastily scrambled press conference
written by Mark Mywords, 08 September 2009
Shoe Thrown On The Other Foot
Gay suicide bomber who blew up nobody but himself Monday becomes one of Saddam Hussein's 72 virgins.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Brach's Candy Is New At B&J's
Just in time for the upcoming National Breast Appreciation Day, Ben & Jerry's introduces "Brach's Max Racks" the famous candy-flavored ice cream in the world's biggest cups.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Certainly No Turnip
A New York man is donating his 320th pint of blood this week, making him one of two people in the U.S. who has given 40 gallons, the last one disappearing while visiting Transylvania.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Congress Popularity Non-Existent?
Lawmakers seek survival in unpopular Congress and wary of huge crowd outside with big pile of tomatoes.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Visitor Logs On Display
White House plans to make visitor logs public. "We'll place the longest turds on display out back. Let's have some fun with this thing", states head of security.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Spotted Ding Dong?
Council turns 'offensive' Spotted Dick into Spotted Richard to spare blushes of diners. Could 'Ding Dong' cakes be next?
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
I 'll Have Spotted Dick
Council turns 'offensive' Spotted Dick into Spotted Richard to spare blushes of diners, after joker waiters keep looking at pant's zipper.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Brit Graduation Rate Plunges
Britain's graduation rate falls behind Poland and Slovakia but above that of Haiti and Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
French Kiss Goodbye
The French kiss goodbye to their traditional greeting amid fears over swine flu spread. More ass pinching expected.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Blanket Ban On Alcohol Ads?
Doctors urge blanket ban on alcohol adverts to protect young. Authorities say they could begin placing blankets over ads as early as next week.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Good Riddance, By Cracky
Experts on verge of ridding gardens of greenfly forever by cracky...that should be, by cracking DNA.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Customers Really Bombed
600lb roadside bomb discovered in Northern Ireland behind the pub, "The 600 Pound Bomb".
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Recession Finally Over, Probably
Recession over, says forecaster, as UK economy records first quarterly growth of the new century.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Drunk Says He Knew It All Along
Samoa has become the first country since the 1970s to change the side of the road on which cars are driven. After over 1,000 accidents the first day, they say it is catching on.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Kid Found Safe
Four-year-old missing for 24 hours last seen at a big box store is found safely in a big box.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Friedman Ordered to Stop
Kinky Friedman has been ordered to stop firing pistols into the air to get everyone's attention before he speaks.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Obama Losing Popularity
President Obama's approval rating has hit a low at 45 percent, mainly because of this healthcare fight. This morning the pet water dog bit him to keep from going to the vet.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Cheney Speaks From The Heart
The healthcare debate is still raging and yesterday Dick Cheney spoke to nearly 10,000 doctors and nurses by live hook-up, then reinforced his message by having a heart attack.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
UK chancellor to use Jordan in bid to save economy
Alistair Darling confirms that everyone will feel much better with some 'quantitative teasing'.
written by Mark Mywords, 08 September 2009
McDonalds Three Time Loser
The American fast-food giant McDonald's has lost an 8-year legal battle to prevent a Malaysian restaurant calling itself McCurry, a Chinese restaurant for McChow, Scottish restaurant for McHaggis.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Would Look Up To Napoleon
There is a deepening row in France over the lengths gone to by President Nicolas Sarkozy's aides in order to conceal his short stature. President usually surrounded by hired dwarfs on the street.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Sales Of Fibre Fine
Home fibre plans survive downturn as sales of shredded wheat hit an all-time high.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Battles Over Alcohol
There should be a ban on all alcohol advertising, including all sports and music, doctors say. If banned, bars threaten to send out drunks all over the streets, one-million winos to crawl into London.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Fallout Causing Health Problems
Study reports: Fallout from nuclear, chemical, biological weapon tests leads to health crisis.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Rare Turtles Found
The rare Arakan forest turtle, once though to be extinct, has been rediscovered in a remote forest in Myanmar, boosting chances of saving the reptile. Turtles discovered by dodo hunters.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Boomer Burials One Bright Spot In Economy
Weak economy sparks rebirth of funeral sciences as baby boomers due to die over next 20 years in massive numbers, but tend to buck the trend.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Fred Freed
Tropical Storm Fred reportedly strengthening over Atlantic.
Meteorologists: Will Fred leave many dead? Check the Weather Channel to see if YOUR number's up!
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Bridge Spill
San Francisco bridge shutdown spills into regular workweek, San Francisco Bay.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Obama Indoctrinates Students
Obama to tell students to take responsibility. "Tell your Moms & Dads to vote for my health care bill."
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Samurai Mind Training
Samurai Mind Training for Modern American Warriors helping Samurai car dealers, Samurai stock marker traders, Samurai street vendors, Samurai Spoof writers, Samurai morticians & coroners!
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Obama's Upcoming Address
Politico: Obama's upcoming address on health care is big gobbledegook!
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Afghan Vote Recount
U.N.-backed commission orders Afghan vote recounts, send in vote counting specialists from Florida headed by Al Gore.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
Bus Crashes Into Bookies
A bus has crashed into a bookmakers, killing one punter. Police said it was a million to one chance that such an accident could happen.
written by Earl Grey, 08 September 2009
Poll: Student Education Down
Poll results: Only one in ten sixth graders at US schools know whether they have the Swine Flu or not.
written by Bureau, 08 September 2009
