Change Of Terms
Hillary Clinton admits that when Bill was in the White House, they called it "Smoking a cigar with the president" instead of "having a beer".
Honeymoon Is Over
The latest sign that the Obama honeymoon is over as a shoe shield has been set up in front of him during health care speeches.
Ky, W.Va. Clunker Thieves
Local law enforcement officers report that over 2,000 clunkers have been stolen off their blocks in Kentucky, West Virginia alone.
You Can't Win, Pete
Pete Rose judged not fit for entering the Gambler's Hall of Fame, since he says he didn't gamble on games.
Yawning Is Catching
Yawning is catching among apes, cats and dogs say researchers as they studied them during Democrat, Republican conventions.
Makes Hair Stand Up On Your Neck
Tiger Woods wins for the second week in a row by a fart, just as Nostradamus predicted.
Robot Plane Killers Next Phase
There is a rise of the Terminator-style robots that can decide when and whom to kill, late expert warned.
Three Million E-Mails
Report: Nearly three million e-mails sent every minute of the day, at least two million from Nigeria alone.
Robot With Sense Of Humor
The very latest in technology being used to create a robot with a sense of humor. "One hundred and fifty years from now you'll all be dead and I'll still be telling jokes. Ha he ho ha! huh! BOING!"
Consumer Clunker Confidence Down
Consumer confidence down again as those who turned in their clunkers for a new car discover that it wasn't an even trade.
Arctic Ice Melt
Vast expanses of Arctic ice melt in summer heat sends Al Gore cackling like The Penquin!
Felicia A Blow-out
One time mighty Hurricane Felicia weakens to tropical storm, then a dust devil as it nears Hawaii.
Ready To Ride
Judge Sotomayor to make her first appearance on the Supreme Court after the goat-riding, butt-paddling initiation ceremonies.
Four! Fart! Both!
The PGA rules committee has now made a rule that not only must a player yell "Fore" if a ball comes close to hitting someone, but "Fart!" if the same occurs through the air space around player!
Research on Gender
Biologists have discovered the reason that 99% of all girls have a larger left breast is because 99% of all boys are right-handed.
written by IN SEINE, 09 August 2009
You're All Invited!
Brother Mirko Radovitch would like to invite the public to Makeover, Pennsylvania tonight for the annual Quaker fundraiser, "Last Man Shucking" contest.
We Are Amused!
The Queen has revealed that she has 12 different lookalikes that can attend different functions in her place. "I could never be at all these, no one could. Why do you think we use "We" so much?"
Clinton's Deal With NKorea
Two rescued ladies from US plan to reveal their ordeal in North Korea plus the even worse one flying back with Bill Clinton in new books, movies.
Torture Degrading To All
We can't be 100% sure intelligence wasn't gained using torture, ministers admit. "But why use this horrible water boarding, etc. to turn ourselves into savages just to save a few thousand lives?"
Opponents Accuse Obama
Opponents of President Obama's health plan say that the details of it's disadvantages are being swept under the drugs.
Must Be Stubborn
Neighbors grow suspicious as three-hundredth police officer serves warrant on worker at Crispy Creme doughnut business.
Battle At Victory Garden
President Obama slightly injured at White House victory garden as Mother-In-Law beans him with a turnip over some undisclosed joke.
Labour Party Gloom
Gloom for Labour as at least 120 of its MPs to quit at next election. Police to be on guard for Labour suicide bombers.
Disturbance Disturbs Shoppers A Bit
Mass brawl between right-wing group and anti-fascists as race riots spill onto streets of Birmingham. Otherwise, it was a beautiful summer night to be out shopping.
A Reasonable Request
Children could be given untested swine flu vaccine. Concerned parents demand that members of Parliament and their children be given shots first.
New Judge Help Immigrations?
The Judge Sotomayor swearing in as new Supreme Court judge goes well with except for one overheard observation about "and still another job goes to Mexico"
Hillary Working, Mumbling
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton helped clear rubble & plant flowers as she visited housing schemes near Cape Town, South Africa, while constantly mumbling about "what a President should be doing?"
No Longer Bragging
A Lebanon-based TV station which broadcast an interview with a Saudi man boasting about his sexual conquests have been closed. "He no longer has 'anything' to brag about", says Saudi official.
English Badminton Team Withdraws
The England team has withdrawn from the World Badminton Championships in India because of "a specific terrorist threat" made by extremists, one player being stripped and shuttlecocked.
Lester May Have Fathered One Of M. Jackson's Kids
Mark Lester, former child star & long-time friend of Michael Jackson, says he could be the father of one of the late pop star's children. "I'm certainly in the race", Lester told reporters yesterday.
No Torture Involved
Two cabinet ministers have strongly denied allegations of collusion in the abuse of terrorist suspects overseas. "It's just that we both enjoy the 24-hour version of the ending to "Hey Jude".
Several Beatles Fans Injured
Beatles fans swarm Abbey Road on album anniversary as seventeen injured after being hit at Abbey Road crossing, Paul hotfoots it across in a hurry as pavement hotter than normal.
Birt place Of Roman Emporer Discovered?
Birthplace of Roman emperor believed to be found in Italy as archeologists dig up sign saying "Emperor Vespasian Was Born Here".
Sotomayor's Rookie Status
Now that she's sworn in, Sotomayor a rookie again. Will sit in the smallest throne, which could be a problem, considering size of rear end.
Obama To Attend Summit
President Obama to attend three-nation summit in Mexico and, apparently, one other country.
Protesters Causing Havoc
Health-care outbursts foreshadow a hot August from opponents of major health care changes. Three Democrat supporters hot-footed overnight. Dog shit bags burn into the early dawn!
Hot Dogs, Hot Dog Vendor In Hot Water
NYC hot dog vendor evicted over whopping $50,000 rent bill for spot near Metropolitan Museum of Art.
KC Man Wins Again, The Greedy Bum
Kansas man wins big in lottery for 2nd time in '09. He's much congratulated, hated by millions.
Earthquakes Shake Tokyo
Strong earthquake shakes Tokyo area as Godzilla, Mothra stir in their sleep and all Tokyo shhh each other.
Old Folks Can Turn Gay
Scientists can reveal that the older you get, the happier you will be. This proves that you can become 'gay'. Those naughty 90s!
written by IN SEINE, 09 August 2009
Dead Billy Mays To Become Cocaine "Spokesghost"
Now that blood tests show pitchman Billy Mays died of a cocaine overdose, the Columbian drug cartel has named him their "Spokesghost" His new slogan will be "Forget Orange Glo. You'll Love Coke Glo."
written by tlmedia, 09 August 2009
Taxes Rise Again
Drug dealers in Moss Side, Manchester, have announced the third tax hike on rival drug dealers this month in a bid to beat the recession.
written by Skoob1999, 09 August 2009
Trick Or Treaters Gunned Down
British gunman reportedly said that he was only adding to the US cultural import as he produced a revolver and shot four kids wearing horror themed costumes.
written by Skoob1999, 09 August 2009
George W Bush Makeover
British tabloids are reporting that President Obama is really President George W Bush, who had a complete makeover at the same SPA Britney Spears, went to. Elocution lessons were also included.
The FAA today grounded Superman until an air worthiness test is conducted on the "Man of Steel." Environmental groups complained that he might hit a flock of Geese on his way to save Metropolis!
American Undertakers Association Recommends
The AUA speaks out about food. Look for the AUA seal of approval on the following products: deep fried Oreo cookies, Twinkies and cheese sticks; and raw shellfish harvested outside a sewage plant.
No More Red Tape
US Government has sold all rights to red tape to 3M Manufacturing Co. House Speaker Pelosi said "we will not be requisitioning any new tape, as taxpayer funded money bills can now be expedited."
Tax Reductions Initiated
Construction crews arrived today in Washington DC to dismantle the US Capitol, House and Senate office buildings before Labor Day. The work is being paid for by various US taxpayer organizations.
Teaching Two-Year Old Kids to Swim Disputed
A noted Pediatrician takes issue with teaching children to swim at two years of age. He said "at that age a child always has a soiled diaper and as everyone knows shit floats!"
A Sad Loss
A "Really Quick On The Trigger" problem has led a local lad in Manhattan to take his own life after losing his 54th straight lady. Charles "Two Buck Chuck" Leonard was only 31.