"SD-RAM" Computer Porno Box Office Hit With PC Geeks
"SD-RAM" stars porno king Hugh Mongousdick and has grossed more geek ticket sales than any other PC porno flick. "We can't wait for the sequel DDS-RAM," one nerd told "The Spoof"
"Just awesome dude."
written by tlmedia, 16 August 2009
North Korea threatens to wipe out countrys that threaten them with nukes
Considering that their missiles never fly more than 500 miles, only South Korea and China are in any danger.
written by Jalapenoman, 16 August 2009
Alan Duncan Won't Be Getting Bali High
The rations won't stretch to it, he claims.
Welshman Denies Opening Brothel
Four sheep chained to a lamp post does not constitute a brothel, legal team allege.
Dracula Gives Up Fishing
Too impatient to wait for a bite, according to observers.
Lost African Tribe Rediscovered
The Fakawi, a three foot tall pygmy tribe who inhabit four foot high grasslands were spotted by a BBC Bristol wildlife crew jumping up and down shouting: "Where the Fakawi?"
Southampton FC Release DVD Exclusive
101 great goal kicks now available from Amazon.
Mike Tyson Issues Challenge
Former undisputed heavyweight champion wants to fight Stevie Wonder. It's the match up everybody would love to see. Especially Stevie.
Another Company Folds
The Yamagitsu Origami Company finally folded today. It seems it was destined to fold from its inception.
Pattinson Rejected By Man United
Allegedly for having an aversion to crosses.
Woodpecker Born Without Beak
Described as a 'Headbanger' by zoo keeper.
Mary Mary Quite Contrary
How does your garden grow?
On The Other Hand...
Usually it's four fingers and a thumb, but you never can tell these days.
Everton FC Call In Exorcist
One six reported yesterday, so Exorcist recruited before the other two can materialise.
Vegan 'Full English Breakfast' Product Bombs.
A tomato and some mushrooms on a slice of bread just isn't all that appetising, consumers agree.
Leeds Fan Distraught
Leeds fan Jud Etherington was emotionally overwrought today, not only because his football team are shit, but because he was snubbed by 'Glenda' - his ewe of twelve years.
Liverpool People Still Talk Funny
Despite the best efforts of a legion of elecution teachers, the average Liverpudlian still cannot say with any certainty how many K's there are in Chickkkkken.
Spoof Spy Story Picked Up By Hollywood
Legendary Spoof spy Bargis Tryhol, Agent 004 is to be reincarnated as Jason Bourne by Hollywood. BuckwheatsButt is said to be considering a lawsuit.
Motorcycle Outlaw Ridiculed
A man was ridiculed today for turning up at a biker bash with a jacket proclaiming he was a 'Hells Angle'.
Miley Cyrus Has A Dump
Accountants today revealed that Hannah Montana starlet Miley Cyrus has acquired a landfill site near Jacksonville Fla in her property portfolio.
Vanessa Hudgens Shaves Her Cat
Nobody knows why. It's a mystery. It's been well documented that shaving cats is abnormal behaviour.
If He'd Only Blink
Tipper Gore admits in new book that sometimes she dusts Al Gore and goes to bed with the Emmy Statue.
Clinton Through With Recent Tour
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton completes African journey, says many of the leaders she met everywhere are liars. "And, believe me, I'm an expert in knowing liars."
Still, He Got $4500
North Carolina man accidentally trades in his new car for clunker, $4500 during first day confusion.
A Little Late
San Francisco man angry after finishing meal at Chinese Restaurant with fortune cookie which stated, "So sorry about lead in chow mein noodles".
In A Dead Heat
Insiders say that both political parties are out gathering names off tombstones for the 2010 elections.
Nader Won't Run
Ralph Nader says he will not run in the 2012 presidential election. "Might walk", jokes the easy going funny man.
No Farting Around
President Obama surprises everyone by introducing Tiger Woods as the new, King Of Pops!
I'm Absolutely Certain
Shook up bank teller still claims it was the Frankenstein Monster who committed the recent masked robbery in Yorkshire.
Paul McCartney Pic For Auction
A previously unseen photograph of Sir Paul McCartney, before he found fame and fortune with The Beatles, is set for auction. Expected to bring more than Heather's "Sir Paul On The Commode" last year.
Stronger Bones, Boners
Women who drink moderate amounts of beer may be strengthening their bones plus the bones of their husbands, according to Spanish researchers.
Both Shaken, Stirred
Police in Peru have fired tear gas to disperse protesters blocking a highway near Pisco - the southern town that was ravaged by an earthquake in 2007. "Shake still has them stirred", says leader.
Jew Elected To Fatah Position
An Israeli Jew has been elected to the governing body of the Fatah party of Palestinian president, Mahmoud Abbas. His life insurance policy immediately canceled.
Iran Women In New Cabinet
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he will bring at least two women into his new cabinet, the first such appointments in Iran since the 1970s. Introduces wife, mother.
Report: NASA can't keep up with killer asteroids. Still studying why an ordinary everyday asteroid would suddenly become a killer.
Rare Gene Discovered
Scientists find rare gene behind bunny sleepers. "They are particular popular among those who go at it like rabbits", states one.
Cruiser Days Over?
Michigan cruisers worry days of classic cars are ove. "Our only hope is an electric Edsel", states one.
North Korean Threatens Retaliation
North Korea threatens retaliation over US, UN sanctions as they plan to install windmills to blow stench from buried cabbage all the way to Japan.
Obama Invokes Granny's Death
Obama invokes grandmother's death in health debate. Opponents counter with "Our children born $200,000 in debt for 13 trillion dollar costs of all programs.
Tropical Storm Warning
Tropical storm warning has been issued for some parts and especially old farts in Florida.
Kissing In Utah
The Mormon church's vigorous backing of banned gay marriage in California last year has caused Utah to be attacked for gay rights with a "kiss-in" Saturday. "I kissed my ass, Becky", stated 1 farmer.
Obama Sounding Like A Stuck Record
President Obama, still out stumping for his healthcare plan, completely forgot himself yesterday and began one speech with: "If I am elected your president."
George Michael Rear Ends Trucker
written by Blazing Saddle, 16 August 2009
Political Couth When Writing Your Congressman
Instead of BULLSHIT as an answer to some inane drivel from your congressman, write back the following. "Your reply was the biggest load of sweepings from the floor of the cow barn I have ever seen!"
New Environmental Program Launched
Congress passes the Murder Conservation bill that encourages residents in nine major cities to reduce murder rates to one per month by 2015. If the pilot plan is a success it will then go nationwide.
Food Police Arrested
The "food police" were taken into custody for stealing candy from babies. In a statement the group said "if the babies only knew how much sugar was in the sweets, they wouldn't be eating them."