Cracks Showing Among Leaders
Cracks in Iranian leadership showing but no one will tell the Ayatollahs that the seat of their garments have been snipped off.
Board Of Health Closes Fair
Man at the Jackson County Fair in Jackson, Pennsylvania claims he found a large corny dog turd in his corn dog.
World Peace A Little Closer
Amish agree not to declare Jihad on Mennonites after Quakers broker a truce before anymore suicide buggy incidents.
New Yorker Confesses
After 40 years, New Yorker Joe Turbulence admits to planting devices on airplanes that make them shake while in the air.
Americans On Antidepressants
Study: Twenty-seven million Americans now on antidepressant pills, like we care about some kind of shit like that.
Alabama Workers Laid Off
Alabama county makes massive job cuts; Two-thirds laid of road workers laid off. Told to remove shovel they're leaning on and go home.
New Number One Killer
Study: In 2008-2009, Blog ridicule is now the number one killer of American teenagers.
Parents Concerned Kid Not Normal
Parents concerned about their son who never watches the television but has his nose stuck in some book people call classics, whatever that is.
Arkansas Has Local Hit
Local TV spot in Arkansas say they've got a hit on their hands with their new "Are You Smarter Than A Third Reader?"
Always A Silver Lining
Homeless family rates down 50% over last year at this time as many are now living in closed bankrupted houses.
Starbucks Facing More Cups...Cuts
Starbucks finds it lost another $25 million in second quarter closes 10,000 more stores. Some cities like Indianapolis down to just 3,000 outlets.
World Low On Fish
The world could be running out of fish say experts. Old guys at local bars starting to brag about the size of the dog they once ran over.
"Miley Cyrus is a slut!", Selena Gomez says.
Oh yes baby! She said that and the two Disney princesses are fighting again. Demi Lovato is supporting Selena while unknown Mandy Whatever her family name is is supporting Miley.
written by Mig93, 03 August 2009
Might Consider China Also
The US Assistant Secretary of State say the United States would consider Russia joining NATO but only should the Borg come.
"Face It: We're All Broke!
Economy slightly less worse than expected but still more worse than that many had predicted.
Al Qaeda #2 Full Of It
Al Qaeda No. 2 slams Obama's first months in office. "He allows his own wife to show her face and much more in public & allows his mother-in-law too much power in the family. At least Bush was crazy."
Two separate earthquakes have hit...three earthquakes have, four earthquakes have hit Mexico's Gulf of California.
Google Chief's Future
Google chief Eric Schmidt quits Apple for Orange.
written by French Marilyn, 03 August 2009
Obama Pulls Troops
President Obama decides to pull all US our troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq. Begins new military slogan, "YES WE WON!!"
Weinermobile Wrecks Again!
The Weinermobile has ran into another private residence and this time the driver is fired. "Frankly, the little hotdog has to be the wurst driver we've ever had", says company spokesman.
Beer Conference A Happy One
What was the most used word at the famous beer Conference at the White House last Thursday night? "Amid all the laughter, I'd say 'nuckulur'", says security guard.
Freemasons Picket Potter Movie
Freemasons picket latest Harry Potter movie for giving away their time-honored secrets and codes.
One Rugged Racer
Racing star, 14, who was 'decapitated' in horror crash gets back behind the wheel. Crashes again because of not being able to see where he was going.
Exploding iPod Kept Quiet
Girl, 11, offered refund by Apple for exploding iPod, but only if she agreed not to tell anyone. So she hasn't.
Arrested For Smoking Fake Cigarette
Tanker driver dragged to court for smoking, even though it was a fake cigarette. Irate at police, Judge sentences the man to 20 pretend years in prison.
Teachers blame parents 'too busy to potty train' for increase in children wearing nappies to school. "One 16-year-old can really stink a room up", say teachers.
War Against Terror
Army needs 'deep changes' to help it win the war against terror, says minister. No more scary movies in the theaters.
Immigrants Jeering At Troops
Immigrants who jeer at British troops in the street to be barred from gaining citizenship. Troops permitted to fire away at those who "expose their arses."
Men To Blame
Harriet Harman blames financial crisis on men. "We wouldn't be out there buying all those new clothes, shoes and make-up except for them making us look better for them, the selfish lot!"
Global warming = Brits fleeing Britain for some wamth!
Threat of global warming warming Britain causes drowned Brits to flee to warmer countries!!!
written by Jaggedone, 03 August 2009
Boy Dares To Climb Tree
Boy, 9, left terrified after PCSO reprimands him for climbing a tree while on holiday. "If you let them get away with this, they'll be tossing them frisbies next", states officer.
Dollar Down Again
American dollar at all-time low. Bankruptcies, suicides among nation's counterfeiters at an all-time high.
Lawyers Emerge Winners
Lawyers emerge as the winner in Ford settlement. Also, in jobs in Senate, Congress, state offices and Supreme Court appointees.
Key States OK
AP analysis: Foreclosures stabilize in key states, but still having problems in those that have lost keys.
School Gym Injuries Increase
Study finds rise in student injuries in gym class. Mostly severe eye strain over new gym outfits.
Pirates Getting Greedy
Somali pirates release Malaysian ship with 11 crew members stark naked as they took everything they had.
Plague kills 2nd man; China seals off entire town. If a third death occurs, may seal off whole country as it did for 1,000 years, in the distant past.
Iran Leader Approves President
Iran leader approves Ahmadinejad presidency. Will probably remove electronic bracelet from his ankle in the near future.
Aha, Just As We Thought
Obama officials: Taxes may rise to pay health care, other social programs. May have to lower those taxed more from $250,000 a year to $25.
US Economy past expiration date
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is in hot water after being accused of ignoring the expiration date of the USD in the Mayan Long Form Calendar. He said: "We thought it was more of a suggestion".
written by Agatha Bloom, 03 August 2009
Congressional Budget Office Chastises Congress
CBO indicates that the 111th US Congress is constantly making the same mistakes as their forbears did. CBO further states, it's time for Congress to make new mistakes to irritate the taxpayers.
Is "Cash for Clunkers" a Clunker?
There are 240M cars in the USA. "Cash for Clunkers" employing $3B of government funds, at $4000 per car, will replace 0.3% of the cars. Need a new car this is a good deal paid for by the taxpayers.
Congress Affirms American's Right to Bear Arms
Senate votes 100 to 0 that all Americans own an AK-47, but House votes 435 to 0 that all Americans own an M-16. Conference committee will resolve this issue prior to president signing the bill.