Cuba 10% Overweight
Cuba admits that at least ten percent of their citizens are now obese, with the other 90 percent still living in Cuba.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Over 10 Million Suspects
Experimental prototype robotic burger-flipper found busted into a million pieces and set on fire.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
US Pulling Out Of Hole
Study: Impotent US economy could be pulling out of the hole with the sales predictions for new Super Viagra Maximum!
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
New Electric Car!
Inventor of new electric car to show his vehicle to US congress in DC after four-day trip from Pennsylvania.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Japan Not Re-Arming
Japan once again votes to continue disarmament despite North Korean threat, after huge fight breaks out on the floor of the Diet.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Another Great Obama Accomplishment
President Obama now says that he purposefully nominated all six of those politicians caught not paying taxes so they would be apprehended.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Existence of the Christian Right disproves Intelligent Design
In what may turn out to be the final battle between Natural Science and "Creation Science," the concept of Intelligent Design has been disproved by the very existence of the so-called Christian Right.
written by Frankie The J, 08 August 2009
Big Brown Movie?
Planned movie of the death of courageous racehorse "Big Brown" is in the works for a TV movie that producers say will keep fans glued to the screen.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Obama Considers Historic US Move
Close friends of the President say that Obama may invoke the historic "US Departure From Vietnam" in Iraq, Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Social Secuity, Medicare Saved!
There's a growing rumor that President Obama will have everyone over 65 on his free health plan with required Swine Flu shot that will be accidentally infected, solving 75% of nation's money problem.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Man and Wife in Bizarre Butchers Shop Accident
A Telford Butcher caught his trousers in a meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. When he was at hospital having treatment, his wife looked after the shop and did the same thing. Disaster!
written by IN SEINE, 08 August 2009
Lonesome
Gypsy woman tells Pee Wee Herman that his very hairy palms and other hand under the table firmly indicated that he has had a lonely life.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Sotomayor Offers Peace Offering
Earlier today, Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed as the U.S. Supreme Court's first Hispanic justice. In an attempt to "reach across the aisle" Sotomayor placed a pubic hair on Justice Thomas' cola.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Not What He Expected
President Obama announced this morning that "We are starting to win the war with drugs from Mexico!" He is then pelted with shoes from senior citizens.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Biden Rescued
News this morning is that Vice President Joe Biden has been successfully rescued from his undisclosed location after it caved in during night.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Worth A Try
Taiwan is bracing for Typhoon Morakot, hoping silly name will tamper its temper.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Economy Causing Changes In Spain
In Spain, the recession is testing the nation's passion for that most cherished of traditions - bullfighting. Steve Kingstone visited a town that has decided to change to "Bullfrogging".
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
But They Will Draw More
The state pension retirement age could be increased further, maybe, say 92, the UK's pensions regulator has told the BBC.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Older Are Happier?
Most people get happier as they grow older, studies on people aged up to their mid-90s suggest. "Those young idiots keep you laughing seeing them make all our past mistakes", laughs one.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Beijing Air Fresher
Beijing is enjoying the best air quality this decade because of measures taken during last year's Olympic Games, officials have said. Also thank foreigners who took some of it home with them.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Misunderstanding In Indonesia
Indonesian police say they asked relatives of wanted Islamist Noordin Mohamed Top for DNA to confirm he was killed in a shoot-out. Not understanding, they received his dick, nose & anus in the mail.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Terror Leader Killed
Top terror leader reportedly killed in Indonesia. Vice Terror Leader hurriedly sworn in, who immediately appoints new Vice Terror leader.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Madoff Being Inspired By News
Bird experiment shows Aesop's fable may be true. Upon hearing this, Bernie Madoff is busy working on some new ideas from prison, that his were true also.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Rehab For Delinquents
Researchers found that rather than rehabilitating young delinquents, juvenile detention which lumps them with other troubled kids, makes them worse, recommend they be sent to live with kindly priests.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Clinton To Remake Ties In S.A.
Clinton, in South Africa, moves to remake ties. Ties should have more variety than a photo of Nelson Mandela, states Sec. of State.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Mehsud Not Dead
A Taliban spokesman and a deputy to Baitullah Mehsud claimed Saturday that the Pakistani Taliban chief was not killed by a CIA missile strike, but still moving a bit, every once in awhile.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Get Ready To See Michael Jackson
The King of Pop is coming to calendars, comic books, ass tattoos and collectors' coin cases after a judge approved several deals involving the singer's estate on Friday.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Better Late Than Never
A-Rod's homer in 15th give Yanks 2-0 win as Yankee star arrives from his hotel room a little late, a little tired looking.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Luxury Resort For $19
A luxury resort in San Diego is offering rooms for $19 a night, if you don't mind sleeping in a tent with a chandelier.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Obama Plan Is "Evil"
Sarah Palin says Obama's health care plan is 'evil', plus that the president has put his evil eye on her, personally, and this morning, she broke a nail.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Somebody Found A Job!
President Obama uses jobs report to press for health care reform as unemployment lowers from 10 percent to 9.99 percent.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Sotomayor New Judge
Judge Sonia Sotomayor to be sworn in and sworn at, according to the political party, as Supreme Court Justice today.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
It's Out, Whatever
Federal Drug Administration approves new improved cheaper, easier to take, generic Prozac with the handy feeble doodle ah who cares?
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
Monkee's Wife,Uncle Arrested
Wife of lead singer Mickey Dolenz, up to some Monkey Business, arrested for defrauding housing in New York City.
written by Bureau, 08 August 2009
More Healtcare Opposition
Transgender ornithologists oppose Obama's healthcare plan. They fear they'll be given wood peckers.
written by Adam Click, 08 August 2009
Left Wing Lexicon
On becoming a far left wing loon, Nancy Pelosi gives you the secret handshake, a funny hat and tells you the secret words. These are fascist, obstructionist, NEOCON and worst of the worst Republican!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
New Superheated Air Source
Speaker Pelosi generates more heat than light speaking at press conferences on any subject. Some in Congress have suggested this superheated hot air source be harnessed to heat the US Capitol.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
Coal Industry Commended
MADD has commended the Coal Industry for being a good corporate citizen. At various congressional marketing seminars and briefing sessions, only "Coal Ade" is served.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
"Birthers" Lawsuit Dropped
A federal judge has thrown a Birthers" lawsuit out of court. This development occurred when the group admitted they were just a bunch of Midwives seeking attention.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
Fishy Sources Identified
The brown, blue, yellow and polka dot shirts and dresses spotted at various town meetings and public rallies have been identified as USA citizens exercising their first amendment rights.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
"Clunker" Black Market Develops
A black market is developing for engineless clunkers. As more and more mortgages go underwater, due to decreasing housing prices, clunkers have become the affordable middle class housing of choice.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
Nuclear Power Plant Broken Into
Environmentalist group breaks into a nuclear power plant and finds what looks like a large swimming pool. Police have no trouble apprehending the culprits as they all glow in the dark.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 August 2009
