Obama: Worse Behind Us
US President Obama said a better than expected job report may signal that the worst "may be behind us. But that doesn't mean it don't stink!"
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Cuba Wiped Out!
Cash-strapped Cuba says toilet paper running short as many have resorted to cigar-making tobacco leaves.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
No Sense Of Humor
Newport, Rhode Island pastor who enjoys an occasional joke, fired by all five whoopie-cushioned deacons.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
World Of Shit!
Airplane Terrorist gets the runs just before the plane leaves, blowing up just as he sat on commode. All three airport janitors resign.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Copy Cat Killer Convicted
Convicted Copy-Cat Killer to be executed right after the original killer in the same chair.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Probably More Around
To their horror, Greenpeace snoopers find 100,000 unsold Time Magazines with front page photo of Obama in land fill.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
A Little Tourist Extra
New York City tourists don't realize that the man trying to catch the tour bus falling after his pants suddenly drop is a part of the tour.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Obama Ignores Criticism
President Barack Hussein Obama refuses to dignify any remarks of his being snooty, elitist!
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Banned Book Attraction
Eighteen-year-old David Johnson of New Albany, Indiana becomes 10,000th student to completely read all the banned books from school libraries.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Janitor Looking For Excitement
School janitor is accused of sprinkling granddaddy long legs spiders in women's volleyball gym shower.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
To Balance Things Out
Computer says that the next US Supreme Court Justice should be either a Mormon Native American or a Gay Eskimo.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Artist In Spotlight
A talented artist suffering from a rare personality disorder produces 12 different kinds of paintings depending on which personality is 'in control', is turning a few heads.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Sunseekers Driven Buggy
Sunseekers run for cover as millions of ladybirds swarm over seaside resorts, bugging bathers and lifeguards alike.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Obama Names 128 U.S. Cities As "NO FART ZONES"
"Farting in one of the biggest threats to the environment, and it must stop," said the President. "We selected the worst offending cities," he said. There will be a $1000 fine per fart or jail time.
written by tlmedia, 07 August 2009
"A Hunka, Hunka Burning Love"
Greek 'heroine' who 'set fire to drunk Briton's genitals' with a flaming Sambuca to stand trial.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Modern Parents Better
Modern parents may be more stressed but they are doing a much better job than their predecessors, those cannibalistic Neanderthals, study claims.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
31 Announcements, 32 Minute Journey
Train passengers bombarded with 31 announcements on 32-minute journey, miss first five stops while listening carefully.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Another Monkey Trial
Taxpayer funds £20,000 court case to prosecute man for stealing 25p banana, and he is found not guilty. Prosecutor may apeel the verdict.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Clinton Admits Fear
Former President Bill Clinton admits that he was a little bit afraid during his discussion with North Korean leader Kim Jong Il after Kim described something as "being no bigger than a head basket".
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Earth Not All That Warming
World's temperatures have only reason one half of a degree in the past 200 years say team of scientists. Gore demands a recount!
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Fewer Cur Than Expected
US cuts fewer jobs than expected. Tiger Woods cuts fewer farts than expected.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
More Against Obama's Health Care Plan
Ventriloquists' Dummies shout down Senator making speech in favor of socialize medicine. Say they're tired of all the double-talk.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Missouri Man Does Not Have Bird Flu
Clinton County, Missouri man does not have the Bird Flu says doctor. Town had him tarred and feathered for stealing a chicken.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Forty Years Ago Today
Forty years ago today, one of the pop world's most infamous and imitated album covers was shot in a little side street in north London as the Fab Four, with Paul already dead, crossed Abbey Road.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
More Of Clinton's Work
A pregnant Briton jailed for life in Laos for heroin smuggling has arrived back in the UK. Yep, it was the work of Bill Clinton once again.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Military Improving Defence
Plans to improve defence orders by the military awaiting the arrival of defence posts.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
There's A Train A-Coming
Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs has been formally released from prison after being granted freedom on compassionate grounds and live out the rest of his days upon the Peace Train.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Doctor Cleared Of Bombing
The Home Office is no longer seeking to deport a doctor cleared of plotting the failed car bomb attacks on London and Glasgow Airport. "Just so long as he plotted it to fail."
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
The Beet Goes On
Drinking beetroot juice boosts stamina and could help people exercise for up to 16% longer, a UK study suggests, "as long as you're exercising at a steady beet."
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Cannibalism Theory
Cannibalism theory over British bone-find. Argument over who found the bone led one archeologist to apparently eat his rival, say police.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Massive Website Attacks
'Massive attack' strikes many websites but so far, The Poof has escaped without cucumbers.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Abdul Receiving Many Offers
Abdul says she's receiving 'many wonderful' offers since announcing her departure from 'American Idol', a few of them from TV networks, movies.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
NFL Cutting Down On Tweets
Some NFL teams clamp down on tweets. Several linemen say that if they can't have their special tweets like tandy bars, they're going back home.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Hackers Attack Twitter, Facebook
Hackers attack Twitter, Facebook also slows down with many photographs sporting big handlebar mustaches.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Two More Tough Years In Afghanistan
Adviser: US has 2 more tough years in Afghanistan. After that, mostly fair to middling years during next 25.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Nurse Of The Year No Nurse?
'Nurse of the Year' charged with not being a nurse. Number of males protest, "Give her the award. She sure nursed us!"
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Swine Flu Advice
Feds to issue new swine flu advice to schools. "Kids, take our warning seriously, and Just Say No!"
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Clunkers Await Being Disposed Of
Long lines of clunkers await being killed at scrap yards and so are their old cars.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
A Complete Coincidence
Leading Democrat in the House who has rebuffed Republican efforts to subpoena records of a mortgage program for favored borrowers at Countrywide Financial Corp, got HIS home loans from that lender.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Women Drinking More
Experts: Women are drinking more, number of DUIs are up and so are their skirts.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Another Salmonella Outbreak
USDA: Salmonella illnesses prompt major beef recall, also all those baby salmon, just to be on the safe side.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Fewer Layoffs Expected
Fewer layoffs expected says the US Department of Labor, as not all that many people still have their jobs.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Pakistan Looking Ahead
Pakistan says Taliban chief is probably dead. At $5Million bounty on his head, a huge head search is now under way.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Congress Gives US Taxpayers the Bird
Congress has just spent $120m on private jet airplanes, like auto CEO's! Taxpayers are paying for this "pork" while they figure out where to get $50 to pay for their kid's back to school sneakers.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
US Environmental Groups to Boycott H1N1 Flu Vaccine
Environmentalists will not take the H1N1 vaccine in the fall. A spokesman said "the product is made with non-green energy or energy is used to ship vaccines from abroad, we must sacrifice ourselves."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
ACLU Sues on Behalf of a Convicted Murderer
ACLU indicated today it is suing the Federal Government on behalf of a convicted murderer. The first amendment allows individuals the right to totally express themselves, unrestricted by government.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
Rabble Rousers Reported
A list of rabble rousers was provided to the White House blog site today. The names included Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Thomas Paine, John Adams, James Madison and Benjamin Franklin.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
"Bucks for Boobs" Program
As "Cash for Clunkers" winds down, "Bucks for Boobs" Program gathers momentum. The government will pay $200 per boob for non-green plastic implants, when replaced with squishy Algae based implants.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
Obama To Send Troops?
President Obama considers sending in the Obese Police as asses spread in Mississippi!
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Human Cloning Revealed
A startling revelation became public today, as a science journal made public the existence of human cloning. All congressional far left liberal Democrats on both coasts have Nancy Pelosi's DNA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 August 2009
Rosie Reveals Why She Was Let Go
Rosie O'Donnell finally told reporters why she was let go by The View. It was like we figured, steroids.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
Trump Thumped
Donald Trump was slightly injured Thursday when a rouge woodchuck tried to mate with the thing on his head.
written by Bureau, 07 August 2009
