Indiana Clinton
Indiana Clinton flew all the way to North Korea under the cover of darkness to rescue two beautiful women from the clutches of an evil NK dictator and only got 48 hours of news coverage.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Sudden Wind Hit His Ears
It has been reported that Prince Charles has been thrown from his horse a short while ago but is OK as he landed on Camilla.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Bernake Predicts Blackouts
Federal Chairman Ben Bernake predicts "Rolling Blackouts" by next summer but should only last two hours at a time. "Plus you'll feel better after the little nap."
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Victor Nicholas should offer Bureau a one-liner duel with JO arbitrating!,
Modest "One liner" Emperor Victor N. hesitant to market his ginormous talent as a snippet supremo, would blow Bureau off the planet in a one-liner duel, bet! JO is taking bets, odds 500 to 1 on!
written by unknown
Brand New Democrat
Man in North Carolina given a donkey's brain by mistake runs away in hospital gown, showing everybody his ass.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Docs In Rehab
API reports that both Michael Jackson's Doctor Conrad Murray and Dr. Phil have checked themselves into rehab after recent tabloid stories.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Mars Rover Losing It
According to the latest views sent back by the Mars Rover, there is nothing new under the sun. "Vanity of vanities, says lonesome depressed machine.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Roll On Jordan
Basketball great Michael Jordan received quite an honor today as a river in the Middle East was named after him according to Al Jazeera.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Tiger Confesses
Tiger Woods whose fart was heard clearly over the airways Sunday says he's glad everything came out OK. Admitting to letting go of the fart to the public was like a breath of fresh air.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Tugboat Captain Updates Hudson Airplane Landing
After a major scare, tugboat captain stated today that everyone on board the airplane that landed in the Hudson were OK. "The 6 bloaters we found were apparently old Mafia hits, disturbed by landing."
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Pizza Hut Recall
Pizza Hut recalls 300,000 supreme pizzas that were baked between June, 2007 and May, 2008.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
None Of Your Beeswax
President Obama refuses to turn over Watergate, White Water ...original of his birth certificate in Hawaii.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
More On Beer Conference
White House officer says that he overheard someone yelling, "Just go over behind the Rose Garden bushes" at last Thursday night's beer conference. Then a scream that sounded like "Thorns! Thorns!"
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Clinker Almost Traded In
Hillary Clinton reportedly tried to trade in Bill in "Cash For Clunker" deal. "I think he's more at home with big-haired clunkers", says Sec. of State.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Pelosi In Record Books
Nancy Pelosi makes it into the Guinness Book of Records to be the first person ever with the ability to raise her eyebrows two-inches above her head.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Noses Confusing Autopsy
Police announce that autopsy release of Michael Jackson may never be released. Reason thought to be the appearance of three seperate noses.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Coolness For Heart Attack Victims
Cooling is good for cardiac arrest patients according to a recent study just completed. "Coldness is even better", states former VP Dick Cheney!
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Barefotted Baby Ordered Out Of Restaurant
Barefoot baby ousted from Burger King. "But not until we let him crap and scattered it all over the floor", say irate parents.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Massive Meat Recall
Massive ground beef recall announced after 300-pound meat packer goes missing in Chicago.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Up Your Nose!
More dead go unburied due to recession as many more are being cremated and having their ashes scattered over the US Treasury Building in DC.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Shed for sale
Fine wooden Summer house for sale, nice condition, used only once, buyer collects from Islington area. Enquiries to Boris Johnson Esq after 5 p.m. please.
written by IN SEINE, 06 August 2009
Congressional Report Card
The CNN National Report Card: The second 100 days og present congress gets a "D" from public, for "Dumbasses".
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Clunkers Get Extension
Senate set to vote on 'Cash for Clunkers' extension. Ask that men who need the extenders not to be referred to as "Clunkers".
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Security Camera-Mooning Stops
Mooning of security cameras by people wearing bags over their heads stops after one forgets "The Queen" tattoo on his left cheek.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
US Car Sales Up
Auto scrappage scheme boosts car sales in US as clunkers are traded in for $4,000 off new car. May try trading in old homes for those in bankruptcy as a $10-15,000 discount.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Don't Breathe The Air
Don't smell that sea air: British holidaymakers warned as rotting seaweed gives off lethal fumes. Even worse in NY/NJ
area due to rotting Magia victims.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Postal Workers Walked Out
25,000 postal workers walk out for three days in biggest stoppage for two years. That was three days ago just in case you never noticed a lack of service.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Mystery Hero Saves Lad
Mystery hero saves boy, 4, who fell under Tube train. Wirnesses say all they heard was a singing, "Here I Come To Save The Day!"
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Harry Patch Outdoes Michael Jackson
Farewell to the Last Tommy: Thousands pay their respects at funeral of World War I veteran Harry Patch. Tribute pushes him past that of Michael Jackson.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Tesco Meat Heaters
The meat heaters: 5,000 tons of unsold Tesco cuts a year are being burned to provide power for homes, stiff walking, neck-bolted monster.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Recession Deeper Than Thought
Bank of England warns recession is 'deeper than previously thought' as it extends 'printing money' scheme by £50billion. Updates Code to "Lucicrious!"
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
There Goes The Wedding!
Woman 'kills fiancé by running car over his chest in pub car park, claims that she is simply crushed over the event.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Mayor's "Eyesore" Ordered Demolished
Council forces London mayor Boris Johnson to knock down 'eyesore' summer house on his Grade II listed home, yet Amy Winehouse free to walk around in best of districts.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Banning Free Travel For Seniors?
Dame Joan Bakewell warns of 'grey backlash' after millions of middle-class pensioners face losing right to free travel, emergency diapers.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Pope, Hillary To Help!
Swiss seek Pope's blessing to stop glacier melting but still may call for Secretary of State Clinton to give it her famous stare.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Suicide Line Calls Up
Spike in suicide calls due to economy, embarrassment of Detroit Lion fans as pre-season gets under way.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
July Sales Sluggish
Sluggish July sales show tight-fisted consumers. Angry Obama says the whole nation is constipated!
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Fight Over Health Care
Conservatives are vowing to keep up their fight over Obama's health care plans, as Dem. Party pushes back hard, accusing Republicans of organizing mobs."Something we would never do", says Sheehan.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
We're Not Alone
Speeding stars confirm bizarre nature of faraway galaxies. "We're definitely not alone", says Ambassador from Klingon.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Clunker Mountain!
Senate to consider $2B 'clunkers' refill. Also plan to build "Clunker Mountain" somewhere near Carhenge.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
GM's Plug-In Hybrid
Government Motors plans plug-in hybrid system, three-hundred mile cord in new midsize SUV.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Exercise Causes Weight Gain?
Does exercise make it harder for you to lose weight? No say specialists, it's the hospital stay and 6-months at home on your back in bed following exercise.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Experts At The Duh Institute
Petitions for US worker green cards down sharply. Experts say it's because of the lack of jobs here. Amateurs say the same thing.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Is Gore Also Among The Prophets?
About half of U.S. mortgages seen underwater by 2011 has Al Gore all excited about global warming and out prophecising about the rising of the seas!
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Steven Tyler Falls
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler falls from stage in South Dakota. After operation and stay in nursing home, could be back on the road.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Obama Stats Down
Obama's approval rating drops on economy concerns as only 60% approve, 30% worship him.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Sotomayor Ill-Suited
Sotomayor stands on the verge of making history as the Supreme Court's first Hispanic justice, despite staunch opposition from Republicans who call her ill-suited for the bench as her ass is too big.
written by Bureau, 06 August 2009
Secret Details Of Clinton's North Korean Success
Monica Lewinsky was also on the trip. She made Kim Jung-Il so happy he'd give the US all of his nukes. Said Clinton,"He, he, that good ole girl is somthin', she really knows how to suck up to anyone."
written by tlmedia, 06 August 2009
Talk Radio
90 year old Irma Blitz has no TV, only a Radio, was amazed to learn President Obama was an African American. "As far as I am concerned he is just another far left free spending liberal Democrat."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2009
Global Cooling Explained
Global warming proponents are in a dither over data showing the earth is actually getting cooler, not warmer. These experts say this cooling phenomenon will end when the ice storms on the Sun cease.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2009
Carbon Footprint Reduction
A far left loon report indicates the USA can reduce its Carbon footprint by having fewer kids. An alternative is sending US kids to third world countries to be raised, which would restore balance.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2009
Byrd Hunting Season
West Virginia wildlife officials indicate November 2012 will be a good month to go Byrd hunting. Republican hunters, limited only to Byrd-shot, will recognize this aged species by its white robes.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 August 2009
